Forbidden Fantasy:Soulmates
by NemesisStrife
Summary: Urgent notice.
1. Fantasy's Flight:Attraction At First Sig...

Forbidden Fantasy: Soulmates ****

Forbidden** F**antasy:_ Soulmates_

****

Fantasy's Flight

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions, please. And I am an anti-Tifa person, so am warning all those Tifa&Cloud lovers out there. But if you _are_ a pro-Tifa person, what are you doing reading a yaoi fiction, anyway?

" " Normal speech

' ' Thoughts

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italics Emphasis

~ ~ Mental speech/ Telepathy

// // Flashback

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Chapter 1

Attraction At First Sight

"Lots of potential in this batch," Zack's carefully low voice reached Sephiroth's ear. Sephiroth raised a silver brow, and rolled his Mako green eyes. Zack had been teasing him all morning, probably from boredom because of the monotony of President ShinRa's typical recruiting-slash-welcome speech. They, as well as several hundred other SOLDIERS, were watching the ceremony for the new recruits. ShinRa loved to flaunt their power, importance, prestige, and in general, show off, taking any and every excuse to dress up and deliver pompous speeches. Like, for instance, now.

'Zack and I have been standing here for…what, close to three hours? And having to put up with Zack's constant remarks and jokes about my lack of a partner.' He sighed and closed his eyes briefly, and could almost hear the conversation playing out before him.

Flashback // 

"Sephiroth, I just don't get it. You are the General, First-Class SOLDIER, and ShinRa Co's most favourite warrior. Plus, you're almost as good-looking as me…" Zack started off.

"Thanks a lot," Sephiroth cut in, dryly.

"You have hundreds of starry-eyed female fans," Zack continued, blithely ignoring the sarcasm, "all of whom are longing to have the 'Great Sephiroth' look their way, but you don't even have a girlfriend yet?!"

"Not interested," was Sephiroth's reply.

"You haven't even gone on a date! It is almost as if…" Zack trailed off, then grinned, "so it's like that. Well, Sephiroth, in case you didn't know, you also have a considerable amount of male fans. Heck, most of the guys in SOLDIER lean that way, or do both. You can have practically whomever you want."

Sephiroth blinked at Zack, then answered, "Just because I'm not a womanising flirt like you, means I'm gay? Forget it. I'm not interested in anyone, female or male."

// End Flashback

"Zack, you don't know when to quit, do you?" was the weary reply. He glared at the other First-Class SOLDIER, his second-in-command. "I swear, after you found a steady girlfriend, you keep on trying to matchmake me. Either you want to see the whole world in love, or you want someone to inherit your mantle of 'ShinRa Flirt'." His friend simply grinned, running his hand through his black, spiked and waist-length hair. Grinning wickedly, Zack's grey eyes were full of mischief, as he attempted an innocent, 'wouldn't-dream-of-it look' on his ruggedly handsome face. Although he was quite tall, he had to look up to meet Sephiroth's annoyed gaze. He shrugged, then turned back to scan the faces of the crowd.

"Whoa!" Zack whistled slightly, eyes widening appreciatively, "Cute. Actually, he's damn pretty. If I wasn't already going with Aeris…" his voice trailed off thoughtfully. Sephiroth had to see this "pretty" guy who could make Zack stunned enough to shut up. Plus, he was even thinking of forgetting Aeris, the one girl he liked enough to date seriously, and "settled down" with. Sephiroth turned his cool Mako gaze towards the recruits, looking down from his slightly-raised platform at the side of the hall. He skimmed over the faces quickly, looking in the same general direction Zack was looking towards. Sephiroth stopped and stared. His first thought was that he _had_ to be the boy Zack had been referring to, as there couldn't be two recruits who looked like that. His next thought was to wonder irrelevantly if the recruit had all the girls in the neighbourhood jealous of him.

Because he was incredibly _pretty_. And that was a complete understatement. "For once, Zack is actually right about something," Sephiroth said to himself. The recruit was rather short for his age, and looked to be about 14, the standard age for new SOLDIER recruits. The kid had unruly, spiky hair, rather like Zack's, which had golden highlights in the afternoon sun. Wisps of long, blond bangs drifted downwards, to trail across his face, and at the side, they framed a fine-boned, delicate face and a pointed chin. He had high cheekbones, and a sharp nose, as well as a flawlessly perfect light complexion, and pale pink, full lips. But it was his eyes that really caught Sephiroth's attention. They were large, and a sparkling, crystal-clear turquoise. Blue eyes glittered in the light, full of intelligence and alert, surrounded by long eyelashes. Sephiroth's eyes trailed down, nothing a slender neck and shoulders, a small, lean build with a well-proportioned, yet delicate frame.

'He has got a cute butt', Sephiroth thought, then mentally stopped when he realised what his response had been to the blond. Trying to control his quickened breathing and heart that was beating slightly faster, he reluctantly dragged his gaze from the gorgeous recruit back to the front of the stage.

"Hey, Sephiroth. Interested? He is probably going to be the closest thing you'll get to a girl," smirked Zack, while his friend restrained the urge to forcibly make Zack shut his big mouth. Big, but accurate, mouth. 

"Careful, President ShinRa's glaring at you," replied Sephiroth, and was pleased to see Zack quickly turn towards the stage and pay attention. Sephiroth had half his mind on the proceedings, but the rest of his attention was spent on studying the pretty blond. The boy was not paying very close attention to the current speaker extolling the virtues of being in SOLDIER, and was instead having a conversation with some of the other recruits. He seemed to be relaxing, and was casually pushing back the tangle of spikes over his forehead. The uniform looked slightly loose on him, with the bagginess of the pants hiding his long, slender legs, and slim torso. The jacket's top button was undone, allowing a clear view of that gracefully bared, smooth neck. Sephiroth was startled when the boy, after listening to a comment made by one of his friends, spun around slightly to meet Sephiroth's gaze. He had a half-smile on his face, and those blue eyes were filled with wonder, respect, and a faint tinge of awe. Just then, President ShinRa announced that the ceremony was over, and Sephiroth left for his quarters, accompanied by Zack, wondering who the recruit was.

*** *** *** ***

Cloud Strife followed the rest of the recruits out of the room, mind still in a daze. 'I'm actually in SOLDIER. And I saw Sephiroth. This has got to be a dream.' He thought, then smiled cynically as the realist in him forced him to see the logical view of things. "I _am_ only in the first stage. Who knows, I might end up dropping out or dead, by the first week. And besides, Sephiroth is probably the idol of every other person here. There is no chance he's going to waste his time on training a bunch of kids.' He resumed listening to the group talking in front of him, a mixture of boys from different hometowns, with some from Midgar, Kalm, Junon and Mideel, but thankfully, none from Nibelheim, like him. They had already been divided into training groups, and he seemed to have gotten into a friendly one. Cloud was relieved that no one he knew from Nibelheim was in his group. 'They probably would have had the whole group against me from the start, bullying me and jeering about my parentage… …or lack of one.' He exhaled, remembering how he had been branded as "outcast" and "alien" ever since young, because he did not know who his father was. 'Here, no one knows about that. And I'm going to keep it that way,' he silently vowed.

"Hey, Cloud, why so silent? Someone put "mute" or "silence" on you?" a voice intruded on his thoughts, and he looked up quickly. The speaker was a tall, grinning, bright-red haired, dark grey-eyed recruit named Reno Kielson.

"Reno, you've been talking for 5 hours straight. Doesn't your throat need a break?" Cloud quipped, mood instantly lightening. Reno had introduced himself on the train to the SOLDIER headquarters, and his outgoing nature had put Cloud, who was normally shy and reserved, at ease. 'He's a friend. I'm sure of it. My first _real_ friend.' Cloud thought, as the rest of the recruits laughed at Reno acting as if he had laryngitis.

"Quit clowning around, troops!" Barked out their commander, "Everyone to the dormitory. You have 30 minutes before dinner. Quick, march!" They hurried, not wanting to be reprimanded on their first day there. 

"Just our luck to get such an uptight leader," grumbled a black-haired recruit. 'Damien. At least that's what I think his name was,' thought Cloud, 'Franz. Skye. Gavin. Raven. Klint. Chas. Allan.' mentally going through the names of his fellow recruits.

"Don't you think you better keep it down?" asked Cloud.

"Yeah, unless you want to be like Reno, talking even throughout the welcoming ceremony," said Raven.

"I bet even Prez ShinRa noticed it! Heck, I know the General did!" snickered Skye, "off to a pretty bad start, huh, Reno?"

"Aw, stuff it!" replied Reno, "the General won't punish someone for merely being bored by some fossilized politician."

'The General. _The_ Sephiroth, First-Class SOLDIER, war hero who defeated the uprising in Wutai. The only one able to kill a dragon single-handedly.' Cloud frowned, lost in thought. 'He was looking at us. Reno said he was behind us, so I turned around to check.' He could still remember his first glimpse of his childhood hero, the one he had looked up to, and had been partly influenced by that into joining SOLDIER. 'The one I wanted to be like. Powerful, strong and respected.' Sephiroth had been wearing his distinctive outfit, black pants, gloves and shirt, with a silvery-metallic coating of armour, and his trademark black cape fastened around his shoulders. With an incredibly tall, powerfully-built, muscular physique, as well as an almost uncannily-beautiful face, it was no wonder that Sephiroth had a legion of female fans. 'Including Tifa' was the bitter thought, quickly repressed. But Cloud couldn't blame her. Sephiroth's elegant features, high, straight nose, firm and almost proud set of his forehead and chin, thin lips fixed in a wry half-smile, together with a waist-length mane of glorious silver hair only added to the aura of cool, distant, detached power. 'But his eyes… …' Cloud shivered slightly, remembering meeting that cold, intimidating Mako gaze. Slightly slanted, exotic almond-shaped eyes, burning with that cold eerie green fire. 'He was staring at us. I don't know why, but I'm sure he was. Strange, the look was so…unreadable. Intense, but with no definite emotion or feelings…'

"Hey, Cloud! Yo, wake up!" yelled Reno, "stop zoning out on us, man!"

"Um…what? Oh, sorry guys," replied Cloud, blinking and trying to refocus on the conversation.

"You gonna daydream there for an hour? We've gotta go to the hall for dinner," asked Allan.

"I don't think I missed much anyway. You guys are always talking," retorted Cloud good-naturedly.

"Are you implying that we are big mouths?" said Damien in mock anger.

"Well, if the shoe fits…" began Cloud, and ducked to avoid his high punch.

*** *** *** ***

Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed.


	2. Fantasy's Flight:Chance Encounter

Flight Chapt2Chance ****

Forbidden** F**antasy:_ Soulmates_

****

Fantasy's Flight

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions, please.

Thanks go to the wonderful people I know, who were my first readers and reviewers, gave me advice, support and encouragement, as well as putting up with my indecision over plot-lines. Thanks, Kiyoshi & Aatash, and all who reviewed. To some comments made in the review, I'll like to respond with

1)Yes, this is my first fic, to all you unbelieving reviewers out there, I just got started on writing.

2)Reno is cool…there's something about ShinRa guys…he's my second favourite villain after Sephiroth. Maybe some Cloud/Reno later?

3)I do like "delicious" description, so expect to see/read more.

And K & A, I'd just like to say that…Cloud **does** look _pretty_! (Stop laughing, you two.)

" " Normal speech

' ' Thoughts

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~ ~ Mental speech/ Telepathy

// // Flashback

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Chapter 2

Chance Encounter

Cloud had finished dinner swiftly, and slipped out of the dining hall early. His friends had been puzzled, most asking if he had to meet with an instructor. He had shrugged and answered that he wasn't really hungry. 'In truth, I was just trying to avoid coming across any of the Nibelheim bullies,' he thought wryly. 'even now, when I'm in SOLDIER, I'm still running away scared.' Moving like a light shadow, he headed for the clearing next to the training grounds, sitting on the long grass and leaning back against a tree.

Sephiroth was surprised, when he came out from training, to see someone outside, as the place was usually deserted at night. He was even more so to find it was the same blond recruit he had noticed earlier at the ceremony. 'Coincidence?' he wondered, and headed towards the tree. The area was on a hill slope, which dropped down sharply to reveal a cliff edge overlooking part of the woods surrounding Midgar. The sky was pitch black, with the moon only a thin crescent, so Sephiroth, while wearing his cloak up to cover his silvery hair, seemed near-invisible in the darkness. With a grace gained from years of training, the only indication of his presence was the almost noiseless tread of approaching footsteps. "The star is shining unusually brightly tonight."

Without turning, Cloud responded to the man next to him, "actually, that's an asteroid." Sephiroth blinked, 'serves me right for trying out one of Zack's corny pick-up lines', and Cloud continued "in Zone 6 of the solar system, orbiting the next planet's moon, at a rate of one revolution per 56 days."

"Excuse me?" said Sephiroth, totally lost in the string of facts that had been so calmly thrown at him.

"Sorry. Bad habit, that. Got used to memorising all those notes by my professors and having to recite them word-perfect. Kinda an automatic response," said Cloud apologetically, turning slightly towards the figure standing next to him. Sephiroth smiled slightly, then slid in to sit on the soft grass.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked Cloud.

"No, go ahead. It's not like I own this place." Sephiroth tilted his head to study the recruit, relying on his enhanced vision to see through the shadows and night. "I'm Cloud Strife, age 14, from Nibelheim. Just formally entered the army today. You must be a higher ranking SOLDIER. Forgive me, sir, for not standing at attention and saluting, but I'm just feeling too lazy."

"No need," replied Sephiroth, responding to the light-hearted humour with a touch of amusement, "you have my official permission to be informal around me." He felt rather than saw, Cloud's answering grin.

"'K then, sir." Cloud tried to peer through the darkness to see who the SOLDIER was, but could only see a dark figure, whose face was shadowed by a hood.

"So where did you learn all that scientific stuff?"

The question distracted him from trying to make out who the other was. "Oh, in Midgar University. I qualified for a scholarship this year, although I was really underaged. It was surprising that it was this early, but not altogether unexpected."

"Then how did you manage to come for SOLDIER training then?" asked Sephiroth.

"Oh, I'm doing a morning course. The schedule is quite flexible, so I alternate afternoon sessions with night ones. My mom wanted me to stay at the University and get a degree, but I put my foot down. I've always wanted to join SOLDIER, so enlisted at the first chance I got, even if it does mean compromising my studies," Cloud said, then sighed softly, speaking half to himself, "I only dreamed of being like General Sephiroth."

'Uh oh. Problem,' thought Sephiroth, 'better to avoid dealing with that altogether. I don't think I could deal with hero-worship and distant awe, not when I think he's becoming a friend. Cloud would probably figure it out quickly, he's really intelligent…and cute. Oh shit, better avoid _that_ subject as well.' "Cloud, I've got to go. You had better leave too, it's almost lights out time. Thankfully, I don't have a superior officer checking on me in my room 634. Don't get into trouble," Sephiroth told Cloud reluctantly.

Cloud frowned, saying, "you didn't tell me your name."

"I know. See you here tomorrow," was the enigmatic reply, as the tall man headed towards his room, across the grass. Cloud shook his head slowly, then returned to his dormitory as well.

*** *** *** ***

The next few days were spent on orientation, introduction to the basic rules and life as a member of SOLDIER, as well as meeting his unnamed friend in the evenings. On the fourth night, Cloud was quieter and less communicative than usual. "Hey, what's wrong?" asked Sephiroth, concerned.

"…nothing."

"Bullshit. Something's bothering you, and I aim to find out what it is. Just to warn you, I'm usually very persistent and persuasive, so you can forget about trying to hide it."

"I'll bear that in mind," replied Cloud dryly, "well, it was Erek and his gang."

"Erek?" "Yeah. From my hometown, Nibelheim. They were…y'know, the usual, picking on me and stuff. Kinda long story. This time it was about my actually having a brain, as compared to them. Plus, they are bigger than me, as well as going around in a gang. Mostly, I try to rely on stealth and speed, that's why I was out here the first night, trying to avoid a confrontation. I don't know how they got into SOLDIER…" his voice trailed off.

"Hey, don't worry. When your lessons start, I could help you train and master your skills. If it gets really bad, I suppose I could even rig it so they get latrine duty for 2 months," replied Sephiroth, and was gratified to notice Cloud's mood lighten.

"Hey, I can take care of myself, you know!" said Cloud in mock-indignation, his expressive blue eyes sparkling in reflected moonlight.

*** *** *** ***

"Hey, Cloud. Where've you been sneaking off to these last few nights? Gotta secret girlfriend from home you meet every night?" asked Reno curiously, half in jest.

"No, nothing like that," Cloud replied, trying to suppress a smile. 'A girl? Couldn't be further from the truth.' 

"Then why are you disappearing in the evenings?" asked Reno, feeling slightly frustrated. Cloud glanced around, and saw he and Reno were alone in the dormitory, with the rest still at dinner. He had planned to go to his bunk first, and arranged to meet his mentor around 8pm.

Cloud looked at Reno, slightly hesitant about telling him. 'But he is my friend. If I could trust some SOLDIER whose name I don't even know, I can trust Reno,' he told himself firmly. He found himself repeating most of the conversation, except for the part he had inadvertently let slip, about his life back in Nibelheim. Reno listened in utter fascination, grey eyes serious, absorbed in thought. "So, he's kind of like an mentor or teacher to me," Cloud finished.

Reno whistled softly, "Weird! And you don't know who he is?"

"Nope."

"Did he give any hints? Surely you must have found out something!" Reno asked.

"Um…" Cloud tried to recall, "well, he's really tall, over 6 feet, and powerful. Probably a higher-ranked SOLDIER than our commander. Kind of low voice, deeper than yours or mine, anyway. He's wearing a cloak or a hood, plus it is quite dark, so I don't manage to see what he looks like."

"Are you sure that's it?" continued Reno, determined to find out who he was.

"Oh yeah, he did say he stayed in… …room 634. That's what he said on the first night. Hey, what's wrong?" Cloud looked at Reno, who had frozen, and was staring at Cloud with wide eyes.

"Did you say 634?" Reno repeated the number slowly and distinctly. "Yeah, why?" Cloud looked quizzically at his friend, slightly puzzled by the strange way his friend was behaving.

"Cause, Room 634 in SOLDIER, belongs to General Sephiroth," Reno answered, in awestruck tones. 

"Sephiroth?" Cloud repeated blankly, totally shocked by Reno's answering nod. 'Sephiroth is in Room 634? He is… …Sephiroth?' As the full impact of that knowledge hit him, he felt like he had run into by a truck. 'Oh. My. Omigod! Sephiroth…my idol…oh shit! I could just die! This is so embarrassing! I've been so informal with him… … teasing him…I could be court-martialed! And…I've been whining to the Great Sephiroth about how pathetic my life is, he probably thinks I'm a coward or a loser. My life really, really sucks. I just made a fool of myself to the one guy I looked up to. Someone just kill me already.' "Are you positive?" Cloud asked unhappily.

"Yep," Reno confirmed, "I found out cause some of the other guys, Raven, Franz and Chas were checking it out. I managed to talk them out of camping outside Room 634 to be able to follow him, like a bunch of stalkers. Won't they be so envious that you met him, entirely by accident? This is going to absolutely _KILL_ them!" Reno's eyes sparkled with sudden mischief.

"No way! Please don't! It will be even more humiliating if they know. It's bad enough I made a total fool of myself, without knowing it, in front of him," Cloud groaned.

"Hey, don't worry," Reno reassured him, then patted his back, "you going to meet him tonight?"

"I don't know. I might just slowly crawl under the bed and die first," Cloud managed a shaky grin.

He found himself heading for the tree, despite his qualms and reluctance to face Sephiroth. Something about Sephiroth drew him on, no matter how much he wanted to hide. Cloud walked slowly up the hill, then settled on a spot on the other side of the tree. "You didn't tell me you'd be late today, Cloud," said Sephiroth, concerned but relieved that he had finally shown up. He gazed at Cloud, who seemed to be engrossed in studying the ground. The moon had come out, and the pale light cast a light glow around the recruit, enhancing the pale skin.

"You didn't tell me you were General Sephiroth, SOLDIER First-Class, sir."

'Ouch,' Sephiroth winced at the formal, cool, distant tone, 'busted.' Cloud's eyes were downcast, and he stood up to salute Sephiroth gravely.

"Why didn't you tell me, sir? Pardon me if I offended you before in any way," Cloud's voice and posture were stiff, no longer casual or relaxed.

"I'm sorry, Cloud. I guess… …it was because I was afraid of this. Most people get so awestruck at meeting the General, that they forget I'm also a person. And remember, you have my permission to be informal around me, right?" Sephiroth smiled tentatively at Cloud, who finally raised his head to look at him.

"Then, can you take off your disguise? I've never seen you without a hood, sir." Cloud's bold request stunned even himself, but Sephiroth merely laughed softly and pulled off the hood, shaking back his long silver hair. 'He's even more beautiful up close,' thought Cloud, then met Sephiroth's glowing gaze. 'The other day, he _was_ watching me. It feels so…familiar.' The Mako treatments had changed his eyes, so they shone, luminous, even in the shadows.

"Cloud, please call me Sephiroth. I don't like being treated so formally," 'especially not by you' "I've been isolated from most people, even in SOLDIER." Sephiroth bit his lip, trying to halt the depressing words and thoughts. Staring upwards, lost in thought, green eyes suddenly forlorn, Cloud thought Sephiroth looked almost…vulnerable, not the reserved, controlled General he reputedly was. Impulsively, he reached out and wrapped his arms lightly around Sephiroth's shoulders. The other man blinked in surprise, then returned the hug, pulling Cloud closer. The recruit shivered slightly at the feel of that strong, yet gentle touch, safe and comfortable in the warmth.

They lingered there, until Cloud, feeling somehow shy, pulled away reluctantly. He smiled and said, "You'll always have a friend, Sephiroth."

*** *** *** ***

Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed.


	3. Fantasy's Flight:Preliminary Confrontati...

Flight3Confront ****

Forbidden** F**antasy:_ Soulmates_

****

Fantasy's Flight

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions, please.

NOTES: People, since the server now has a new format, please check for my story under "Sort By Update (Chaptered)", please. And I _will_ make it a point to add a new chapter, *hopefully* this FRIDAY. It all depends on the number and type of reviews I get. So, I hope you know what to do...keep on reading, and _Review_ please. 

Warnings for this chapter

1) I'm a sadist, just like Cloud is turning out to be… I decided that he needed to be a little "tougher", as well as being intelligent. And Kiyoshi insisted…* grin *. I aim to please.

2) For those who asked, yes, we have slight Reno yaoi hints, but nothing definite.

3) I love this phrase in the second paragraph … *see where I get my name from.*

" " Normal speech

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~ ~ Mental speech/ Telepathy

// // Flashback

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Chapter 3

Preliminary Confrontation

Cloud found himself surrounded by students around ten years older. He fidgeted slightly in his seat, feeling nervous, all-too-aware of the fact that he was viewed with curiosity. 'Like I am a lab specimen waiting to be analysed.' He tried to shut out their inquisitive glances, and concentrated on the notes on his table and the professor's lecture. The classroom he was in was one of many in the Midgar University, a towering monolith near the ShinRa tower. 'At least I can't detect any feelings of open hostility. I guess this is one place where I won't get people calling me a "nerd", considering they managed to get into the University too.' He was taking most of the specialised Science courses, as well as the other general subjects. Astronomy, Physics, and physical Geography, in particular, fascinated him. 'I don't know why, but sometimes I feel that there's something, or someone telling me, it seems almost instinctive, the way I just _know_ about the Planet, Mako Energy and the Universe. It's almost as if I know this by heart already.' Troubled, Cloud tried to turn his mind away from the disturbing thoughts, and found himself doodling absent-mindedly on his notebook. 'Green eyes. Slanted, almond-shaped. Straight, high nose. Long, flowing silvery hair.' With a jolt, Cloud hurriedly flipped the page and then shut the book quickly, not wanting anyone to see his sketch. 'Why am I thinking of Sephiroth, now?' He studiously focused back on the lesson, trying his hardest to blank out all other thoughts, and succeeded. 

Later, heading back to the SOLDIER training facility, Cloud was lost in thought, mentally working out an equation in his textbook. Which is why he didn't notice Erek, Johnny and some of their gang hanging around the hall until a shadow fell on the ground before him. "Hey, punk, back from school already?" taunted the other boy.

Cloud slowly backed up, 'ah shit! Forget about them.' He took a step backwards, trying to avoid the confrontation that was brewing.

"Aww… is poor little Cloudy scared? You should be happy, you've got your photo in the Nibelheim news for being such a genius. Of course, after we're done with you, your guts will be plastered _inside_ the newspaper," jeered Erek, and the rest of his gang guffawed.

Cloud chose to ignore him, and scanned the area, feeling a familiar, not-quite-disturbing presence. 'Sephiroth's up there. Next to the black-haired guy.' He scanned for possible escape routes, all the while seeming quite distant and not paying attention.

"I'm talking to you, wuss! Listen up, Cloudy!" yelled Erek, not pleased at being ignored.

Something snapped inside him, and Cloud could hear a voice in his mind, ~ go for it. ~ "It's **Strife **to you," he replied coolly, eyes narrowed. Erek sneered, and gestured for the rest of his gang to back off, and stepped up, fists clenched, ready for a fight. Without warning, he lunged at Cloud, enraged, his large bulk overshadowing Cloud. Cloud ducked under the blow, and quickly lashed out a foot at Erek, causing the older boy to lose his balance. As the surprise registered on Erek's face, expecting an easy victim, Cloud tensed as a clear attack plan flooded his mind. He quickly delivered a hard chop to the back of Erek's neck, then, with a blow to his windpipe, slammed the back of his head against a nearby pillar.

The bully was gagging, trying desperately to breathe, half-paralysed on the ground. As if he had rehearsed the entire move before, Cloud gracefully straightened, then said in a clear voice that carried throughout the hall, "one of the things we learned in Biology, is that there is a rather sensitive nerve at the base of your neck. A blow to the vertebrae, may cause bruising to the spinal cord, resulting in temporary paralysis. Also, you'll find it quite painful to breathe like that for the next 24 hours." Flipping his hair back from over his eyes, he glanced at the now pitifully-gasping boy on the floor, "he should regain full muscular control in a few days. That is _if_ he recovers at all." The corners of his mouth curved upwards, in a scornful half-smile, then Cloud casually brushed past the group of boys, heading back for his dorm.

"Just you wait, Strife! We'll get you for this!" yelled back Johnny, all the while trying to lift Erek out, with the help of his other cronies.

'Oh, somehow… …I don't think so. Things have changed now. We're playing on by new rules, on a level playing field. And now, I know I can win.' Cloud's features set back in a look of cool indifference, and he glanced once more at the gathering crowd dispassionately, then left.

Sephiroth had been standing in the second level, overlooking the main hall, next to Zack, when he saw Cloud come in, with a load of textbooks under one arm. The recruit had looked absorbed in his work, brows creased in concentration over serious, now darker blue eyes. Zack had noticed Sephiroth's shift of attention, then turned to check it out for himself.

"Yo, Sephiroth. Isn't that the cute blond recruit from the ceremony?" Zack asked.

"Yeah. He's Cloud Strife, from Nibelheim," Sephiroth answered absently, more interested in the gang of other boys who had surrounded Cloud, without him knowing. "I think there's going to be trouble. Those guys are from the same hometown, and apparently, they have bullied him throughout his life."

"Whoa," Zack gave Sephiroth an odd look, "really done some research on the kid, haven't you? Fast worker." Sephiroth ignored the comment as usual, and focused on the confrontation, instead. Cloud was looking tense and wary, backing up a few steps, mistrust, suspicion and nervousness reflected on his face. Then, the fear seemed to dissipate, and he had looked up to the second floor, to briefly check for possible exits. Then the ringleader of the group, a tall, bulky recruit, with dull brown hair and eyes, stepped up front and taunted Cloud.

'That guy looms over Cloud. Probably outweighs him by twenty pounds. Plus, all his followers are there, it won't be a fair fight.' Sephiroth's hand clenched around the hilt of his sword, the Masamune, and he glared, through narrowed eyes, at the gang of recruits. There was a bright-red haired teen, tall and lanky, slouching slightly, who was encouraging the "leader" of the gang.

"Blond's in trouble. They all are over two years older than he is, probably 'cause the recruiting drive started late back at Nibelheim," Zack frowned, "there isn't a rule against fighting, so we can't interfere. 'Sides, it isn't our business to separate them, since the aren't actually getting into a battle. Yet."

"It involves Cloud. I'm _making_ it _my_ business," Sephiroth replied shortly. "If they touch him, I'm going to get them all kicked out of SOLDIER. Or, I might decided to even up the odds a bit." 

Zack paused, and stared at his friend and commanding officer, who had an angry glow in his green eyes. 'Never heard or seen him like that before. Somehow, he's awfully protective about that recruit.' Cloud's clear, scornful reply echoed throughout the room, and Sephiroth tuned out all the other distractions, including his meal.

'He provoked the other guy deliberately. I hope he knows what he's doing.' The two men could only watch, as Cloud took a defensive stance, dropping into a protective crouch. Blue eyes gave nothing away, and Sephiroth couldn't help but tense slightly, when he saw the dark-brown-haired recruit lunge at the smaller boy. Somehow, Cloud shifted to an offensive position, moving with the force, letting the other fall off balance, then, with lightning-quick reflexes, bring him down with a swift blow to a vulnerable nerve. Cloud's eyes were still blank, devoid of emotion or compassion, smoothly getting to his feet. He had ignored the injured cries, and calmly spoke to him, still cold and distant. Then, for an instant, Sephiroth had caught a flicker of scorn, contempt, anger, hatred… …and satisfaction in those expressive azure blue eyes. Cloud's mouth twisted into a mocking, sadistic smirk, and he exited, with the rest of the recruits leaving a clear pathway, out of fear… and grudging respect.

"I don't think you will need to worry about him, Sephiroth," Zack finally broke the stunned silence.

"I know. That was an incredible move, wasn't it?" the General replied.

"Hmm… the kid kinda scares me. The look he gave the other boy… he's a cold-blooded killer… a warrior already," Zack shook his head.

"And the problem is?" Sephiroth asked, smiling slightly, one eyebrow lifted. Sephiroth gazed at the now-deserted hall, recalling the cold, ice-blue eyes, sun-lit, golden-blond hair, and swift, killing grace of the slender teen.

"Well," Zack grinned impishly, "you sure know how to pick them. Pretty, sweet, talented and full of potential, and able to still look devastatingly cute when practically destroying another person. I have to hand it to you."

"Zack, please. At least try and act serious for once."

"Ok. But really, Sephiroth, he does seem to be reluctant to start the fight, and stopped short of killing him, even for the sake of self-defense. Unlike someone I could mention," Zack shot Sephiroth a look.

"I won't let anyone hurt him," Sephiroth whispered. 'Not even myself. Especially not myself. The curse… this time… this month… manifests… afflicted with it all my life. I had better leave the ShinRa training grounds tonight… can't afford to hurt anyone here… can't fight it.' Stray thoughts flickered through Sephiroth's mind, and he took leave of his friend, wandering out into Midgar city.

*** *** *** ***

Cloud had been too tired to do anything more strip off his shirt and collapse into his bunk below Reno's last night. "Yo, wake up, Cloud!" Reno shook him into wakefulness, and Cloud yawned and sat up. "You're going to be late for breakfast if you don't hurry," Reno continued, grey eyes reflecting his carefree grin.

"I'll skip it. Not hungry anyway," Cloud replied, blinking as the bright sunlight took a while to get accustomed to.

"Okay, guess we'll get into trouble together, then. Speaking of trouble, that was one scary move you pulled yesterday. Wicked cool! Ancient grudge or something?" Reno asked.

"You could say that," Cloud replied cautiously, searching for a clean tunic, "but it's not something I particularly like to remember. The childhood… …memories from Nibelheim."

"Oh. I understand," the red-head smiled comfortingly, "a fight over some girl?" At Cloud's shake of his head, Reno continued, tying back his ponytail, "some… guy?"

"What!" Cloud practically gasped, mouth open in shock.

"C'mon, Cloud, it's pretty common. Okay, maybe Nibelheim _is_ pretty sheltered, but I'm from Midgar, so I kinda grew up with it," Reno half-smiled, at the shocked look on Cloud's face. 

'Oh my… I never knew… I mean, I did know that some were… but I didn't think there would be actually such openness in the city! Mom'll have a fit.' "Um… Reno, you aren't… are you?" Cloud asked. 

"Well, actually I am gay. It's no big deal," Reno shrugged casually, "does that make you uncomfortable?" 

Cloud shook his head slowly, looking at the handsome redhead, "it doesn't really matter. We are friends, right?"

With a playful grin spreading across his narrow mouth, Reno tugged on one of Cloud's spikes. "Yep."

"Ow! Hey, stop messing with my hair!" He yanked his friend's ponytail warningly, and the older boy let go with a laugh. "Do all the others know?" Cloud asked, suddenly serious.

"They just accept it. In Midgar, no one bothers about you, except for your family, and my parents understand. None of the other recruits in our year know, but I think some will be able to guess. I like living here, it's one of the cities that have the most freedom," the older boy answered.

"Are you… um… involved with anyone?" Cloud questioned shyly, afraid of offending his friend.

"Nah. Not now anyway. Why? You interested?" Reno teased, and at Cloud's blush, said "seriously, though, I think you are _very_ attractive. But I don't want think you feel the same, so I'm not going to push it. Unless you want to?" Cloud was stunned by his friend's candid admission, and even more so when Reno placed his hand on the side of his face, tilting Cloud's head slightly upwards, so their eyes met.

"Um, Reno, no offence, but I don't think I should," Cloud gently removed the hand, tenor voice nervous. 

"Ahh… okay. I keep forgetting you're three years younger, and might be 'girls-only'," Reno replied easily.

"It's not that. You're my friend and all, but I don't think of you that way. I guess I just do not feel like that about anyone," Cloud looked troubled, 'except maybe one person. Hell, no! I'm not going to say that!'

"I understand. If you change your mind, let me know," Reno teased, only half in jest, with a flirtatious smile. 

'Not a chance, Reno. There's only been one for me… always. Only one.'

*** *** *** ***

Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed.


	4. Fantasy's Flight:Kindred Spirits

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Forbidden** F**antasy:_ Soulmates_

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Fantasy's Flight

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions, please.

NOTES: People, since the server now has a new format, please check for my story under "Sort By Update (Chaptered)", please. And I _will_ make it a point to add a new chapter, *hopefully* every week. It all depends on the number and type of reviews I get. So, I hope you know what to do...keep on reading, and _Review_ please. If you want the next chapter up _soon,_ well, Leave Feedback.

Warnings for this chapter

1) This is going to be a slightly light-hearted chapter, I'm just trying to explore Cloud and Sephiroth's relationship, as well as their SOLDIER background. Quote taken from the "Sixth Sense".

2) Still having sadistic elements in Cloud's nature.

3) If you want to find out more about the hints in the last chapter, keep on reading. *Is enjoying keeping you in suspense.*

" " Normal speech

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// // Flashback

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Chapter 4

Kindred Spirits

"Is this where Recruit Cloud Strife has his quarters?"

"Huh? Oh…Y-Yes sir! Cloud's inside, sir!" Leaving the shocked, panicked recruit standing there gaping, belatedly remembering to snap to attention and salute to his retreating back, Sephiroth turned the corner and left in a swirl of his black cloak. Zack, closely following his oblivious friend, apologetically grinned at the awestricken boy, who only managed a horrified expression that left him looking like a goldfish.

'Geez, Sephiroth. You _enjoy_ dramatic entrances and giving poor kids heart-attacks, don't ya?'

Zack shook his head in thought, hurrying to catch up with his friend, leaving the recruit to mumble, "tha-that wasn't Sephiroth… …was it? What's he here fo-Shit! Cloud's in trouble!" Allan moved away, wondering what Cloud had done to warrant attention from the General himself.

*** *** *** ***

Cloud paused mid-sentence, feeling a familiar, powerful aura outside, and waiting for the almost noiseless, measured footsteps. 'There's someone else, too… just outside.' Right on cue, Sephiroth entered, with the black-haired man he had been with before. 

Reno's jaw dropped, and he blinked, at a loss for words. Swallowing hard, he tried to regain his composure, and exclaimed, in a voice that carried quite far, "I told you we'll get in trouble!"

"Hi, Sephiroth. I didn't know missing a meal was a capital offence punishable by death," Cloud quipped, azure eyes sparkling with mischief.

"No, you'll just get banished from Midgar and exiled to the Southern Islands," Sephiroth replied with a straight face, and a casual wave of a black-gloved hand.

"That's comforting," Cloud said dryly, and was pleased to see open amusement in those serious, Mako-green eyes. The corner's of his mouth twitched, lips fighting to keep back hidden laughter, as Sephiroth looked at the shell-shocked, comical expression on the redhead's face. "Ah. Sorry, Sephiroth, meet Reno. Reno, this is Sephiroth," Cloud hesitated, then couldn't resist adding in, "Duh."

"Cloud, and Reno, that's Zack Hyypia, also of SOLDIER, First-Class," Sephiroth introduced his companion.

"Yeah, pleased to meet ya, Blond, Red," Zack tossed off a cheery wave, "'S nice to finally be introduced to the kid that Sephiroth's been mentioning all week."

'Mentioning?' thought Sephiroth, 'more like an obsession. And damn Zack for bringing it up.'

"What's with the reference to hair?" asked Reno, nonplussed.

"You don't _exactly_ have the most normal hair in the world," Cloud directed his words at the SOLDIER, referring to Zack's beyond-waist-length, jet-black, spiky, tangled mane. 

He laughed, "you're both okay, kids."

"Whaddya mean, _kids_?" Reno asked, mock-angrily.

Zack noticed that Sephiroth was openly smiling, and privately noted, 'he's loosening up. Normally, he's too reserved and formal. The blond's good for him.' "Hey, Sephiroth. How come you never laugh at my jokes?" Zack asked, teasingly.

"That's 'cause your jokes _aren't_ funny," he retorted, deadpan.

"Huh, you just don't appreciate it. Anyway, gotta go. And… don't scare anybody to death on your way out," the easygoing, friendly SOLDIER left, with that as a parting shot, his last dig at his friend. 

Sephiroth raised an arched eyebrow, then turned his attention back to the two in front of him. "So, are you both free now, or do you have training?"

"I'm free. How 'bout you, Reno?" Cloud asked, regarding his friend with a quizzical look.

"Ah, thanks, but nope, I've got a meeting," he grimaced, "with the commander."

"Later, then," Cloud shrugged, and followed Sephiroth outside, though he felt slightly uncomfortable with all the wide-eyed, astounded looks directed at them. 'I can practically _hear_ then think what am I doing with Sephiroth for. And yet, he doesn't even seem to notice. To have grown up like that… with people _watching_ you your whole life… not very different from mine, only with me, it's more from hate or dislike or suspicion, not fear or respect, but still…' Cloud shivered slightly and tried to ignore it, trailing in Sephiroth's shadow, following in the wake of his passing, as he cut through the sea of people smoothly.

~Cloud knows Sephiroth?!~ that thought suddenly intruded on his consciousness. 'Wha-? Who and where did that come from!' Cloud's step faltered, and he blinked, trying to clear his mind. 'Okay, I must _have_ been dreaming. I didn't say, or think, that. Then who, and why?' It had not been so much of actual words, but instead, a mixture of half-formed thoughts and mental images, but the emotions had been the strongest part of what he _heard_. 'Surprise and shock? …great… I must be losing it. But it seemed so _loud_, it feels amazing no one noticed it.' Pushing the confusing flickers of thoughts aside, he continued on, walking with Sephiroth out the door.

*** *** *** ***

"Are you alright, Cloud?" Sephiroth's concerned voice penetrated his mental absorption, and he looked up, almost guiltily, at being so preoccupied that he zoned out on his surroundings.

"Hmm… yeah, I'm fine, just a little distracted, maybe," he replied, "why? And why did you come to visit? Not that I mind or anything…" 'What a liar, Cloud… you don't _mind_ it? You're practically in a state of complete bliss just being able to _look_ at him! Shut up… damnit, I'm talking to _myself_ here…'

"I just wanted to compliment you on your… performance yesterday," Sephiroth smiled and looked at Cloud, who was now averting his gaze and blushing slightly. "No, I'm not scolding you… I think that bastard deserved it. I was going to go down and annihilate them, but you didn't need any help. You handled yourself pretty well." 'In fact, you managed to look absolutely, devastatingly… attractive. Oh. No. Snap out of it, Sephiroth… But it's so _hard_ to concentrate when he's looking at me with those sapphire eyes, and I can see the light shining though them, like they are transparent, clear glass, only depthless like an ocean and I think I could _drown_ in them… …I think I just did it again.' He hurried on to his next line, trying to overcome that momentary lapse, "only, if that had been me, I think I would have hurt them… quite badly."

Cloud instantly looked up at that, and a slight smile touched his lips. "Really? I thought I was the only one with… not very gentle tendencies," he said lightly.

"Believe me, you're not alone in that. Did you know that there are some _amazing_ ways you can permanently incapacitate someone and yet keep him alive?" Sephiroth had meant for it to be a joke, but somehow, the words twisted in his mouth, and the true emotions behind them came out.

'He's… protective… I can _feel_ it again… he would have gone after Erek if I didn't manage to take care of myself.' Cloud saw the General bare his teeth in a savage smirk, as his cyan eyes glinted. Without realizing, he found himself with an answering faint, feral grin on his face, and a flash of understanding passed between them, a private sharing of minds, and the knowledge that they were kindred spirits united by the soul of a warrior's, yet also something darker, deeper, almost primeval.

"So… care to teach me some of those techniques? I know quite a number of people I wouldn't mind using them on," Cloud asked, and was answered by Sephiroth's amused reply.

"You've got to be able to handle a weapon first. Hasn't your instructor gone through the basics?"

"No. He's been teaching us baby-stuff, frankly, it's quite boring. We only do physical conditioning, like sit-ups or marching, not actual fighting."

"Impatient, aren't we? Well, you won't be needing this for the trials, but I guess I could give you a head-start. Were you informed about the tests?" Sephiroth continued, at Cloud's shake of his head in negation, "well, usually after the first two weeks, the recruits are put through basic tests, trials of your strength, dexterity, agility, and coordination. This is only one of many in the SOLDIER training program, and the unsuitable are relegated to the ordinary, lower ShinRa army. The ones who pass get reassigned to new training and practice groups under a higher-ranker commanding SOLDIER, with more one-on-one training with a mentor. They are usually grouped according to ability, with around 8 to 12 trainees per mentor, with the most promising singled out for special, individual practice sessions, which occur for about two hours per week. Also, they get relocated to newer, less crowded rooms, and gain access to the training facilities of the Midgar SOLDIER grounds, with their mentor's permission, of course."

"Oh," Cloud bit his lip nervously, all the while thinking, 'what if I don't make it? I can't go back to Nibelheim…'

Sephiroth noticed the uncertain, doubtful look on Cloud's face, and smiled reassuringly. "You don't have anything to worry about. Your display in the main hall was very impressive, and that was more difficult than the trials will be."

"Yeah, I guess… but that's not very comforting. I still have no idea how I did that. Maybe I should consult a psychiatrist, I'm plagued by fears and uncertainties, plus kinda enjoyed getting revenge and beating the crap outta Erek, and to top that off, think that 'I hear dead people'," Cloud lowered his voice in to a stage whisper, and grinned wryly as Sephiroth tried not to snicker at the obvious, parodied reference.

"Really strange, Cloud, but rather appropriate quote. "The Sixth Sense" does seem to be a part of what an exceptional warrior needs. Not just training and drilling, but also a mixture of animal instinct, guesswork and anticipation," Sephiroth's voice was serious, as he told Cloud, "not many people have it. The gift is quite unusual, normally most people can't understand what I'm talking about, you need to experience it to know."

'But I don't think that anyone, with or without that instinctive sense, has ever heard voices telling him what to do.' Cloud sighed, as that worrisome fact nagged at him, 'and I don't think anyone has heard what other people are thinking or feeling in their own minds, either.'

"Speaking of unusual," Sephiroth's voice was lightly teasing, "what's with your hair?" He had absently removed his gloves while talking to Cloud about the SOLDIER trials, and now, impulsively ruffled Cloud's blond spikes. It was surprisingly soft to the touch, and the long golden strands returned to their naturally messy position afterwards.

"Not you, too!" Cloud good-naturedly complained, "it isn't _that_ peculiar, is it? Actually, I used to keep a ponytail back at Nibelheim, but got it cut before entering SOLDIER. I didn't know most people in ShinRa didn't believe in short hair," he glanced mischievously at Sephiroth's waist-length silver hair, before resuming, "I kinda miss it. It was sort of an image, since people back home thought it looked rather, well, 'punk', so I flaunted it as a symbol of defiance, pride and not conforming to the rules. Of course, that just pissed everyone else more. Now you see why I couldn't wait to get out of my hometown. Didn't plan on them also joining SOLDIER as well, though."

"Grow it back long, Cloud. ShinRa needs another rebel, not a mindless, blindly following orders type of person."

"Doesn't that 'independent-and-with-free-will' mentality get you court-martialed for treason?" Cloud asked, smiling slightly.

"Nope. It got me promoted," Sephiroth shot back, and Cloud brought his hand up to hide a soft laugh, "anyway, let's get on with your weapons' training basics. At least we can ensure that you advance ahead of those boys from your hometown, so you can get away from them for real, this time."

*** *** *** ***

Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed.


	5. Fantasy's Flight:The Lessons Begin

Flight5Lessons ****

Forbidden** F**antasy:_ Soulmates_

****

Fantasy's Flight

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions, please.

NOTES: People, since the server now has a new format, please check for my story under "Sort By Update (Chaptered)", please. And I _will_ make it a point to add a new chapter, *hopefully* every week, Friday. It all depends on the number and type of reviews I get. So, I hope you know what to do...keep on reading, and _Review_ please. If you want the next chapter up _soon,_ well, Leave Feedback. 

Warnings for this chapter

1) Sorry about not updating for about 2 weeks, but I was on holiday. Still, I managed to churn out this chapter, which I think is my favourite so far, as well as the longest. Thousand apologies. *bows*

2) If the sword technique seems rather unrealistic, I kind of mixed up whatever jumbled bits of fencing, "King Arthur", and even Final Fantasy duels I could remember. Well, I only had training in Air Rifle. *shrugs*

3) My beta reader K called "disturbingly good", and she can imagine mental images of Cloud and Sephiroth actually behaving like that. *evil grin* I'll take that as a compliment. For those who can't stand it, this is usually my preferred choice of writing style, writing paragraphs about every single little, insignificant detail.

4) Thanks to all my reviewers, especially Dina (who was promising pictures for WAFF fics, so this is my feeble attempt at that, but it turned out more, um... Well, it's unclassifiable), Knowing Shadows, Sky, and all those on the YahooGroups ML.

Enjoy! 

" " Normal speech

' ' Thoughts

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~ ~ Mental speech/ Telepathy

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Chapter 5

The Lessons Begin

The training centre was a massive, steel-and-concrete superstructure, a 24 hour facility open to all SOLDIERs' and trainees, but now, since it was the unofficial rest period just before lunch, the wide corridors and hallways were deserted. That was also partly due to the fact that tomorrow would be the end of the free-and-easy, relaxed orientation time, and the start of the intensive training and tests a candidate had to go through. Sephiroth entered Room 3-14B, and Cloud looked on in amazement at the polished, gleaming racks of weapons, as well as the practice equipment in neat piles next to the sides of the walls. The centre of the room had a large, rubbery mat on the floor, to cushion falls and prevent heavy injury.

"Guns should be the first on the schedule, after hand-to-hand," Sephiroth gazed at the equipment quickly, then shook his head, "but I never found them very useful in battle. To tell the truth, I couldn't be bothered to practice after the first two weeks, so I shouldn't be imparting half-forgotten techniques to you. Plus, its quite boring to simply practice posture and aim at blank targets, so I'll let your instructor go through that."

Cloud raised an eyebrow, "the Great Sephiroth admits to not being able to do something?"

The General knew that Cloud was only teasing, but it hit uncomfortably close to the mark. 'Does he still think of me like that? Distant, formal, unapproachable… not so much of a normal human, but a statue or figurehead?' The cynical part of him responded, 'what _normal human_? You're just kidding yourself. No, I've got to _stop_…' Firmly pushing away such doubts, he told Cloud, "the only weapon type I really know is the sword. And even then, I've only specialised in using the Masamune. "

'Masamune - the legendary sword. Sephiroth must keep it in his room at times like this.' The recruit remembered seeing the sword on the media channel in Nibelheim, an over 6-foot long, double-edged elegant weapon, with an unusual design running from the tip of the blade to the hilt of the sword. 'Elegant, beautiful and deadly… both of them. _Sephiroth…_' He couldn't _help_ staring at the graceful, easy movements of the man before him, as he turned to select weapons, discarding them until he had found the proper sword.

"Here," Sephiroth handed it hilt-first to Cloud, who only shrugged, not knowing what was expected of him. Hesitantly, he picked it up, both hands gripping the practice sword tightly, but the balance felt off, and his posture was awkward. Sephiroth simply nodded, smiling, then reached out to close his hands around Cloud's. Cloud was startled at the warm touch, at the firm clasp of Sephiroth's hands on his, the skin-to-skin contact strangely firm and intimate. Without his gloves on, Sephiroth's hands were still larger than Cloud's, but with the same long, almost delicately-tapering fingers and elegant strength. He noticed a faded, but still quite dark, black "1" on the back of Sephiroth's hand, and slowly released part of his grip on the sword, to free one arm, and traced the previously-hidden tattoo with light fingertips.

"Where did you get that?" Cloud asked curiously, and was replied by an evasive "oh, I had it since young, I think." Sephiroth forced himself to ignore and disregard, or at least try to, the mesmerizing brush of Cloud's fingers tracing a smooth pattern on his skin, and gently corrected Cloud's hold on the sword. Frowning and biting his lip in concentration, with a serious look on his face, Cloud adjusted to the blade, with Sephiroth's guidance and support. Smiling in satisfaction, pleasure lit up the sparkling blue eyes, as he found the balance, the sword now light and seemed like a part of him.

'It feels good… feels right somehow,' Cloud thought, and silenced the nagging inner voice that asked him what _exactly_ felt good, achieving the correct "feel" of wielding the practice blade, or having Sephiroth's bare hands holding his, and touching the silky, soft skin, with only a few calluses as a result of long practice with the Masamune. Sephiroth just wanted to stay like that, next to Cloud, hands around the smaller boy's slender wrists, so achingly near, yet so far, able to _feel_ Cloud's body heat, a warm presence against his elbow. He mentally sighed, allowing himself the indulgence of a last, lingering feather-light brush, an almost-caress of the warm, fair skin that felt like silk, before reluctantly relinquishing his clasp on the recruit's hands, taking the necessary few steps back to remove himself from the closeness, in order not to maintain his distance, attempting to preserve at least the semblance of propriety. 'So hard not to … … Self-control, Sephiroth… you can control it.'

"Ok, Cloud. Now, in the basic first offensive stance, the classic position is with your blade held 45 degrees away from your body, so it points to your opponent's neck, just under the chin," Sephiroth instructed. Shifting his feet further apart, with ease and care, Cloud instinctively hefted the sword, in a way that seemed almost natural.

'It feels like… I was _born_ to do this.' He judged the centre of gravity of the sword, tilting it slightly to balance the weight distribution evenly on both sides. He put one foot in front of the other, bending his knees slightly, leaning forwards, gaze focused, staring fixedly at a point about three-quarters up on the edge of the blunt practice sword, and at the position where his opponent would have been. Cloud's whole posture was casual and at ease, shoulders relaxed, elbows not quite straight and held away from his torso, enabling him to achieve a longer reach with the blade. His hands firmly gripped the hilt, fingers maintaining a light, yet solid hold, with wrists locked in place to support and steady the weapon, but yet flexible and ready to slash or block a potential blow. Sephiroth began to try and instruct Cloud about the next battle position, but paused at the look on Cloud's face. 

Blue eyes had darkened to an almost-black in concentration, focusing, looking up through dark, gold-brown lashes. He didn't notice he was just simply staring, until Cloud looked up at him and Sephiroth was caught in that steady gaze. 

Cloud had been attempting to maintain his position, but had felt the complete and utter lack of movement and sound from Sephiroth's direction quite unnerving, and could practically _sense_ the heat in the other man's stare. The very air surrounding him pulsed and hummed with the latent, hidden, almost-tangible power in Sephiroth's aura, and Cloud's skin prickled in response. He raised his head quickly, only to find himself meeting the force of the strong gaze from those glowing, aquamarine Mako-eyes. 

Sephiroth had studied about black holes before, the stars that went supernova and exploded, then collapsed back into a dense, solid mass. 'I always wondered how the inter-gravitational field could be so strong that it acted like a vacuum, absorbing everything, even light. Well, now I know.' Sephiroth managed one last coherent thought, then his mind temporarily went blank as he looked into Cloud's eyes, now turned dark blue in contemplation, that were regarding him seriously. Like the gravity well of a star gone nova, they were pulling him in, spiralling into fathomless, secretive blue. It was altogether an unusual and disconcerting experience to find that someone could make him lose control over his carefully guarded emotions, and even make him _want_ to give up control, but those, as well as all other, considerations became secondary and unimportant, as Sephiroth felt himself magnetised and drawn in again into the otherworldly, timeless indigo pupils.

Cloud trembled inwardly, feeling helpless and trapped, pinned by the sheer intensity of Sephiroth's stare. There was something oddly hypnotic about the ever-changing, shifting, swirling Mako glow, the bright gaze both compelling and forceful at the same time. Cloud found himself not able to meet the gaze, yet also paradoxically unwilling and unable to look away, he _couldn't_, just couldn't _possibly_ move, so held the stare. The cyan orbs seemed to probe right into the innermost darkness and depths of his soul, illuminating everything, piercing past the most solid and heavily fortified defenses or shields, stripping them away easily. Their eyes were locked together, both unwilling to pull away, to break the tenuous, yet solid connection, spellbound and lost in the magic of the moment, which only lasted for a brief span of seconds, but stretched to become a blissful eternity.

*** *** *** ***

'All good things had to end,' Sephiroth blinked, eyes shut for the briefest, barest instant, just for a second, and the intangible, real, essential _human_ connection was broken. Cloud tore his gaze away once he was able to, the spell, that had been stronger than any cast using materia, was broken, and he looked quickly away, not catching the disappointment that flecked those green eyes. 'And that was the most amazing, the _best_ thing that I've ever experienced.' Sephiroth exhaled slowly, releasing the breath he had been holding, as he had not wanted to disturb the peace even with shallow breathing. The ever-present, persistent inner voice taunted him with the reminder that he _didn't_ deserve, wasn't _made_ to have moments like that, so it _had_ to stop. 'Even if it was just a dream, that ends upon waking up and seeing reality, the dreamer can still remember, treasure it and hope.'

Cloud's cheeks burned with embarrassment, yet feeling a strange sense of relief that it had ended, although the other half of him was wishing for it to continue. 'I don't want… No, I _do want_ this… it's so confusing… Don't reach out, don't touch, isolation is best… no one can hurt you, if you don't open, don't _feel_.'

"Cloud, anyway, there is another sword style, the alternate type I use," Sephiroth stated, brining it back to safer subjects, trying to find his footing on uncertain ground. 'Move on, go on… leave it behind.' "The type that I wield the Masamune with," he continued hastily, awkwardly attempting to cover up the recent lapse in his concentration. He did a quick demonstration, hefting the practice blade up to eye level, holding it parallel to the ground with a two-handed grip. His elbows bent past 90 degrees, pulling the hilt near the side of his head, turning so he faced the side wall, looking in line with his shoulder. He passed the blade back, watching Cloud as the recruit aligned himself to face front, adjusting to the new position with sureness and surprising ease. 'Not really _that_ surprising considering he is very good, exceptional, even. So much potential, raw and untrained, but all _there_. If it's channelled properly… he could make First-Class with no problem whatsoever.' Cloud had already gone on to practice some simple, basic steps, switching between the two grips he had been taught, getting a feel of the blade. 

"So, Sephiroth, can I stop soon? My hands are starting to ache," asked Cloud, interrupting the older man's train of thought. He looked slightly sheepish as he replaced the sword back in its original position, flexing his wrists to dissipate the tiredness.

"That's fine, you won't be able to keep up practising for long periods of time in the beginning, so just get accustomed to the weapon for now. I don't think I'll have time to teach beyond merely holding the blade and the starting position, anyway. Just take note, your trials will be in the next week or so, and you should go down to the bulletin board, to check the scheduling first thing tomorrow. Listen, Cloud, I'll be on a mission to inspect the area around Kalm, and the trip will probably last a few days. Apparently, there has been some disturbance near the town," Sephiroth hesitated, then promised, "but I'll try to… No, I _will_ be back in time for your last stage of the tests."

Cloud was surprised, and touched by the gesture of kind support, honoured that Sephiroth _cared_ enough, for whatever reason, to take an interest in his future. Eyes wide, he breathlessly responded, "really, Seph?" Cloud froze instantly, hand moving up to cover his mouth in a reflex action, and abortive attempt to stop, but too late, it couldn't be unsaid. Shocked by what he had let slip, unbelieving that he had uttered that familiarity, so informal and _not_ respectful, the nickname a mockery of the General's status. 'How could I be so _stupid_ as to forget that? No matter how he acts casual, he is _still_ of much higher rank! Not only that… remember… don't reveal _anything_. Feelings can be twisted and used against you… _why_ did I have to drop my guard, and say something so utterly _foolish_ like that?' Cloud had been thinking of Sephiroth the past few days, and somehow, his feelings of hero-worship and awe had evolved into friendship, as well as something else, something _more_, which had just been expressed carelessly in that one word. 'Now he's going to push me away… shouldn't trust anyone… but I trust _him_.'

Sephiroth had been startled, puzzled, but strangely, happily so. 'No one, not even Zack, has ever _dared_ to come so close. No one else has wanted to… but Cloud did. And that _tone_… was it… even if only the smallest trace… perhaps _affection_? Is that too much to ask for?' He paused to savour the moment in silence, the sincerity and emotions contained in that unguarded, casual, friendly manner of address. 'But am I overreacting? Reading too much into it, maybe… Am I seeing something that isn't there… but, by the Planet, it _means so much_… it matters… just because… …it's Cloud.'

Cloud was totally miserable, shame and humiliation warring within him, as he tried to amend the situation that had gone awry… again. He was mentally berating himself, and scared at the possible consequences, feeling a cherished dream slipping from his grasp and shattering on unyielding, stony, jagged rocks. "Um, Sephiroth, sir, I didn't… " Cloud began, his normal facility with words and fluent, fluid eloquence both lost.

'He didn't mean it,' Sephiroth thought, 'what else did I expect? You'd think I've gotten used to it by now, used to people's reactions.' The fact that it was _Cloud_, someone he thought of as a friend… 'No, I had hoped he would be _more_ than a friend, but there's no hope _now_… Rejection. He must have finally seen the truth, and is now naturally wanting nothing more to do with me.' He retreated back within his protective barrier, back into the cold, lonely, isolated walls of silence, maintaining his customary aloofness and emotionless façade, according to his reputation as ShinRa's top General.

Cloud could _feel_ Sephiroth pulling away, atmosphere of the room gone from teasing and friendly, to cold. He closed his eyes briefly, head bowed slightly, old wounds reopened, fears of failure, alienation… Bleak thoughts flickered through the darkness in his mind, and it was reflected on his face. 'He's turning away… so distant, so silent… so _cold_. I was afraid of this… and it's _all my fault_… I can't take it back, now.' "I'm _sorry_, I just wanted…" Cloud practically choked out, tone anguished and filled with sorrow. 'So sorry, Sephiroth… Even if you do continue to ignore me, I've got to try…'

Sephiroth saw and felt the emotions radiating off Cloud in waves, his mind flinching in empathy at the feelings projected, feelings of… _hurt_? Hope resurged traitorously, and it threatened to overwhelm and betray him. Instinctively reacting, to try to soothe, compensate somehow for the damage he had caused unknowingly and unthinkingly, he responded, at the same time reaching out for Cloud's hand, "The apology was unnecessary, Cloud. I don't mind… I… _like_ it." Cloud's head snapped up at the gentle, comforting words of reassurance, hesitantly facing Sephiroth. He must have read something in Sephiroth's eyes, a feeling communicated through look alone. 

Sephiroth was dazzled, the image etched permanently into his memory, as Cloud's entire expression changed, in a manner that was absolutely breathtaking. All else paled in comparison, as Sephiroth looked into Cloud's eyes, which had either reflected or absorbed all the light, as the blue eyes lit up from within, the source of their brilliance from some inner, private glow that outshone Mako. They turned pale blue, almost turquoise, containing a rare, open, trusting look, pure joy and relief shining in the azure depths. "Thanks for everything, Seph," came the soft whisper, each word a priceless treasure, said almost reverently, accompanied by the heartfelt joy on his face, in that vulnerable, yet safe moment.

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Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed.


	6. Flight:Currently In A State Of Confusion

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Forbidden** F**antasy:_ Soulmates_

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Fantasy's Flight

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions, please.

NOTES: People, since the server now has a new format, please check for my story under "Sort By Update (Chaptered)", please. I hope you know what to do...keep on reading, and _Review_ please. If you want the next chapter up _soon,_ well, Leave Feedback. 

**Really, really sorry about the earlier mix-up. The chapter I posted up earlier had a problem as the chapter was "lost", then only the first half or something would load, and the text appeared in ~weird~ symbols. So I re-uploaded it hoping to correct some of the errors/bugs. Can you guys review and please also inform me which style you prefer, closer to angst or WAFF, so I can continue with the next chapter, since I'm "Currently In A State Of Indecision" :p If you ~hate~ my angst-writing style, feel ill at sentimental almost-WAFF, or just think both are as bad, let me know so I can correct it. *Or if you sort-of ~liked~ both, that's great!* Thanks!**

Warnings for this chapter

1) Apologies are due to nearly everyone. Sorry, Twig, for practically forcing you to check it through first… I promise I won't do it again for um… one week? *I'll try my hardest, but that's all I can promise…* *grin* Also an apology is due to my two sort-of BETA readers, Aatash and Kiyoshi, for having to survive through my experiment with angst, but the horror won't end…*Mwahahahaha*

2) Two words, "Sephiroth" and "angst". Doesn't go too well together, don't you think? Felt it was kind of unfair the way Cloud always seems to be the one suffering, so here it's Seph's turn. *We Strifes have to stick together, after all.* How I managed to switch from almost-WAFF, to almost-angst, I'll never know. It's a new style, which I'm rather insecure over, so bear with me. Well, I understand where Sephiroth's coming from, after all, if I wasn't able to be with Cloud, I'd get depressed too. *shrugs* And I feel like poor Seph as well, I find myself obsessing about every single little insignificant detail, especially in description.

3) There's an EVIL Hojo in here, and I pieced together a series of flashbacks, mainly from earlier chapters, in the middle of the fic, so don't get confused with the chains of // …. // // … //, remember they are all separate scenes, and each starts and ends with a // .

" " Normal speech

' ' Thoughts

__

italics Emphasis

~ ~ Mental speech/ Telepathy

// // Flashback

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Chapter 6

Currently In A State Of Confusion

Sephiroth was hard-pressed to keep his customary cool demeanour, and it took nearly all his willpower to walk towards his room, away from that instant that threatened to break down the protective façade, away from that precious encounter that had left him bewildered, yet secure, away from… …from… _Cloud_. 'What's with me? Why am I acting like this?' His thoughts were chaotic, muddled in a hopeless mess, a great departure from his normally orderly and logical thinking. 'Why does he affect me like this? It isn't _supposed_ to happen, not to me. He's just a kid, for the Ancient's sake, just a young teenager, a recruit in SOLDIER, like all the other boys here. Yet… somehow… he's _special_. Different, unusual, _beyond _everyone else, Cloud's _more_ than a normal human, utterly unlike them. But not like _me_, either. Stop it, Sephiroth. Just move now, and worry later, don't dwell on that, don't _think_. He strode down the corridor, not once pausing, not letting even a hint of his inner turmoil penetrate through to his outward appearance. The hallway was quite crowded now, with many people hurrying on to their next destinations, in a rush, although all of them, without fail, stopped to bow or salute the General. Sephiroth acknowledged their respect with a slight nod, body moving on autopilot, as he strove to make sense of the fluctuating emotions and situations.

He barely paused to retrieve his key and ID pass, unlocking the door to his room in one smooth, fluid movement, then quickly shut and bolted it. Letting out an explosive sigh, Sephiroth collapsed onto the sofa, without bothering to switch on the lights, or remove his cloak or boots. Letting his eyes adjust to the semi-darkness of the room, the Mako-light increasing slightly in intensity, Sephiroth let his thoughts roam. His mind wandered, but always returned to one particular thing… or _person_. 'Him… …Again? This is bad. This is _beyond_ bad.' He gazed dispassionately at his hand, noting with some surprise, as if through the detached eyes of a stranger, that his right hand was trembling slightly, and his breathing had entirely escaped his control. '_I'm_ shaking… like a leaf… both outwardly and _inwardly_… all over.'

That irritating, _annoying_ inner voice was repeating in a sing-song, 'you've got it _ba-ad_, Sephiroth…' He found his left hand absently retracing the path Cloud's fingers had taken only a few hours ago, and _remembered_… 'Warmth… closeness… soft skin brushing against mine… gentle. Touch… just a touch… but I'm going _all to pieces_. This never happened before… no one and nothing has _ever_ caused these… _feelings_ to come over me. But then again, "before" didn't have _Cloud Strife_.' Sephiroth shivered, eyes half-closed, as he attempted to deal with these strong, powerful, _new_ feelings. 'A fixation? …No, an _obsession_. That's precisely it. Obsession. At first sight. From the very first I laid eyes on him, when I saw him on that first day. A… _connection_, somehow.' He had never, ever felt something even remotely resembling _this_, even that first spark of interest, of purely _physical_ attraction had never occurred with anyone else before. And when those emotions had deepened, instead of fading away, like withered leaves at the first touch of frost. 'If it had been just something… sexual, it would have been over quickly. Like a brief affair… not meant to last, dying a quick and natural death. But this… it seems to only get stronger, and increase each time I find out something _more_, something _new_ about him, touch him, or even just _see_ him.'

Sephiroth glanced at his right hand, the black numeral "1" permanently burned into his skin, the only outward indication of his childhood, a mocking mark that branded him as Hojo's. Lips curling into a bitter smile, a desperate snarl at the constant reminder that he was left with on his flesh. 'He didn't _need_ to remind me, that bastard. I don't have to remember that… I can't _ever_ forget… I know that every second, breathing and waking moment. Dammit, I have to _live_ with _myself_, _all the time_!' Green eyes narrowed, seeing in his mind's eye the bespectacled scientist, slightly hunched forwards, in his sterile white lab coat, peering at him with beady black eyes.

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Flashback// A young boy was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, knees bent and pulled close to his body, face looking downwards, and hugging his legs tightly. He seemed the same as any other normal child his age, except for his hair, which was a shimmering, pure silver, and the mixture of deep pain and terror in his glowing eyes. He was breathing shallowly, pupils distended and unfocused, and shuddering, though not from the cold of the room.

"Well, hello there. How's my favourite specimen today?" That hated, hateful voice made his head snap around, breath coming in quick, rapid gasps of oxygen into his lungs, eyes wide in unreasoning fear. "Oh, come on, Sephiroth. Don't be stubborn. You don't want to be punished." That was a simple statement of fact, a hint of possible consequences, a bald-faced warning and threat. Sephiroth instinctively pulled away, huddling back, trying to get as far away from the Professor as possible. Yes, he _knew_ what was coming next, and couldn't suppress a small whimper that escaped though his clenched teeth. Hojo loomed over the petrified, terrified boy, stooping slightly, the lab coat draped awkwardly on his bony, gawky frame. Greasy, blackish-brown, dark hair was tied in a long ponytail, not a strand out of place, and his metal, wire-framed glasses were perched on a hawk-like nose. Angular features reflected his personality, rigid, unyielding, hard and cold. The glasses glinted in the harsh white florescent light, and they slipped down to allow Sephiroth his first glimpse of the man's eyes. He practically froze in terror, revolted and at the same time morbidly fascinated at the sheer… _repulsiveness_ of them. Tiny, burst, red blood vessels, a pattern of veins, edged the corners of Hojo's eyes, bloodshot from years of lack of sleep. The pupils and iris were all shades of murky, clouded greyish-black, and, probably due to a lifetime of working with chemicals and Mako, there was a milky white, translucent film that covered Hojo's eyes, giving off a radioactive smouldering. The scientist was fixing Sephiroth with his perpetual squint, beady eyes filling his field of vision.

'Empty… there's _nothing_ there! Impersonal, cold… not even _cold_, just feeling-less or emotionless. Not a single flicker of life or humanity, just… _just absolutely nothing_. Dead eyes, reptilian eyes… _insect's_ eyes. _Not human_.' The boy cringed, dreading what was going to come next, fervently praying to whatever god there was, pleading for _anyone_ or _anything_ out there to help him, find him, save him, yet resigned. 'Nothing's going to change, no one's out there, nobody can hear… or help. As if they _wanted_ to.'

"Take him to the Mako treatment chamber," the Professor directed his laboratory assistant, then glared at Sephiroth, "don't resist, or it will be harder for you."

Firm, strong hands clamped around his shoulders in a vice-grip, and he could only let himself be half-pulled and half-dragged across the room, mind and thoughts focused on a single phrase that so aptly fit the scientist. 'Inhuman… _Monster_.'

"Oh, and, ah… whatever was your name again? Anyway, that's unimportant. Just take Number Alpha-One to Lab 2, and double the dosage of chemically modified Mako energy he is exposed to," Hojo calmly ordered his assistant. 

Sephiroth couldn't help his shivering, eyes closing and wincing at the anticipated pain. 'Doubled? I don't think I could take it, can't survive _anymore_ of _this_. Wouldn't it be… better, forme to die?' The thought of the bare, empty, cold white laboratory, sharp metal needles and syringes that injected pure _agony_ into his veins. It felt like poison to him, mercury and liquid dark fire that burned through his skin, sending pain flooding through his bloodstream and piercing into his mind and heart. He always was left with cramps and nausea afterwards, days of lingering, dizzying hurt, physically weak, mentally disorientated, trapped in recurring drugged hallucinations of shadowy presences and in a state of half-lucidity.

'I don't even have an existence beyond this… Hojo, lab, tests, Mako, Hojo… and always… the pain, the… _aloneness_. I'm just another lab rat, … I don't even have a real _name_. Just a number… Alpha, Alpha-One. But I'm _Sephiroth_… I _have_ an identity… only it was taken from me a long time ago. Sephiroth… but Sephiroth who? I don't _know_ who I am, what my last name is… Do I even have parents? My mother… her name… Jenova.' Clinging to that last shred of personal history, Sephiroth looked on desperately as he was locked inside a cylindrical tank, with his "escort" leaving and slamming the door shut. The transparent, yet thick, solid plexi-glass, supported by a frame of steel bars, was a major, insurmountable barrier in the way of freedom, and more importantly, safety from that lunatic, Hojo. In short, Sephiroth was caged in, trapped in a gilded… no, make it _glass_, cage.

A faint, astringent smell filled the tank, and murky brownish-green gas filtered into his tank. '_Tainted Mako_.' He held his breath for as long as he could, but inadvertently gasped after about 20 seconds, and wound up inhaling the noxious, vaguely-corrosive fumes. That one short breath was enough to send sharp, familiar pains piercing through his mind, and Sephiroth coughed, slightly surprised when he saw a trace of blood mixed in the saliva. When the liquid Mako energy started trickling in and filling the tank, even that one instant of emotion was replaced by pain… and a strange feeling of numbness. He couldn't suppress a silent scream, purely mental, in the middle of the cold room, a last cry to an unfeeling, oblivious world.

"Help, please… _Anyone_?" the muffled whimper broke through his façade of strength and self-control. 'No one will. No one _CARES_, you bloody _fool_!' The Mako was steadily rising, almost reaching waist level. Broken and battered down, Sephiroth slumped against the glass wall, giving in to the inexorable darkness of welcome unconsciousness. 'Jenova… save me… please. _Mother_?' //End Flashback

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He returned to the present with a jolt, breathing harsh and rapid, almost able to smell the sickly, polluted stench, and the acidic taste of bile at the back of his throat, remembrance still painfully clear and strong… days and nights which followed the Mako treatments were filled with that disconnected, lightheaded, unbalanced feeling, accompanied by vomiting and half-consciousness. 'No. That was in the past, it's not happening now. All over now, the experimentation, testing… over.' Sephiroth willed himself to relax, and push those horrible memories away, even if it was only temporary peace and sanity. 'I won't be able to forget it… never.' He couldn't erase them, press the "Delete" button of his mind, permanently remove them, but he _could_ distance himself from them, reassure himself it was all over and he wasn't subject to that torture anymore, conveniently shove them, relegate them to the back corners of his mind. 'Even if it doesn't work… Because I _know_ it's all there, lurking hidden, waiting to overwhelm me with fear and agony… …' That invisible, insidious, worrying, half-guilty panic had crept up upon him again, threatening to return him back to the past, lock him into replaying an endless loop of nightmares, reduce him to the helpless, frightened child from ten years ago. 'Years of experimentation, and being abandoned to Hojo's maniacal insanity…'

// '_Fear-pain-darkness-blood-tears-trapped-PAIN! Trapped-escape-Get away-Fear!_'//

'He made my childhood a living hell. I remember… suicidal, wanting to _die_ and just… not exist. Nothing. Not to hurt, not to suffer, no one can touch me… not to _feel anything anymore_. Just peace, the welcome absence of everything, a blissful state of perfect non-feeling…'

// He was suffocating, drowning in icy-cold liquid slime, unable to breathe, coughing and choking as the thick substance forced its way into his mouth, filling it with a bitter, numbing sensation. All the while, Hojo and his assistant looked on, taking notes, as the child struggled, fighting desperately every step of the way, clawing his way to survival. Merely being alive was a challenge, an achievement, but was it worth it? Hanging on to that last hope of continued existence, instincts overriding the death-wish, staying alive, but just barely. //

'I can recall… waiting for the time to end, when Hojo would declare it was over, and I would be allowed to return "home". Interesting concept, that. Quite sad when one's "home" is a laboratory tank or enclosure, and the only "parents" are deranged scientists bent on seeing how much of Mako energy one can be infused with, without dying.' Sephiroth closed his eyes, partly from emotional weariness and exhaustion, and also partly from trying to block out images from his past. 'No, it doesn't help. If anything, that makes it _clearer_.'

// "My favourite specimen… Take him to the Mako Treatment chamber… double the dosage of chemically modified Mako he is exposed to." The impersonal, cold voice delivered the commands for the continuation of _torture_, and the silver-haired boy shivered.

'Hojo… Inhuman _Monster_!' //

Back in the present, Sephiroth bit down on his lower lip, head lowered, bent towards the ground in a gesture of defeated resignation. 'Hojo wasn't the monster… _I am_. A lab creation.' The tattoo was almost the perfect symbol what he was, an outward, physical mark of internal scars, branding him as "different" from everyone else. 'A mutant _freak_, a product of genetic engineering… _not human_… especially with the curse of these… _changes_.' He knew he _wasn't_ normal from young, but his meagre knowledge of "not normal" did not entail and encompass all the varying aspects of who… no, _what_ he was. 

'Specimen Alpha-1, that's _what_ I am. A creature… produced in a laboratory… cloned with cell samples, irradiated with Mako and chemicals, so I no longer resemble a SOLDIER, let alone an average, normal, _human_ civilian. With the biological cells or DNA of Jenova… my mother… but all altered. Hell, my _genes_ were probably altered as well… _freak_ of nature, deformed _thing_… just another of Hojo's laboratory experiments. Damn it!' Sephiroth shook his head violently, scattering the chaotic, muddled, myriad of emotions. 'What the _hell_ is wrong with me? I _don't_ act like this… it is completely _unnatural_.'

The voice taunted back, 'finally got off that disgusting whiny behaviour. Quit wallowing in that load of self-pity.' The caustic comment stung slightly, even though Sephiroth knew that it was only his mind telling the truth. 

'It's so damned peculiar. Bloody strange, in fact. Here I am stuck in depression and angsting, after some _really_ wild mood swings… I swear, just a few hours ago, I was blissfully happy… Of course, that was when I was with _him_…' He tried, but couldn't suppress a half-smile at the thought of Cloud. 'My mood seems to be oscillating and changing like a yo-yo…' He could still picture the slender, petite teenager, who radiated intelligence and vibrancy, and seemed to be glowing from the sheer exuberance of living. Dark mood instantly lightened, as he recalled the afternoon's happenings.

// Mesmerizing brush of Cloud's fingertips tracing the dark "1" in a smooth, gentle pattern. //

// Blue eyes… regarding him seriously, pulling him in, spiralling into fathomless, dark, depthless blue… a private, hidden world of emotion in those eyes, secret and mysterious, that made him long to reach out and touch, explore the enigmatic beauty of it all. //

// "Thanks for _everything_, Seph.' That tentative, trusting half-smile, and the eyes shining, looking at _him_.//

'Perfection incarnate. Absolute beauty. It's all so incredible, the way... the way he actually _cares_ about me, quiet and sincere, seemingly able to instinctively _understand_ how I feel, even when _I_ don't even _know_ what's going on… The way his large, wide sapphire eyes light up when he smiles… How he raises an eyebrow whenever he responds to odd comments, and the corners of his mouth quirk upwards while trying not to laugh…' Sephiroth lifted his hands to the sides of his face, pressing down hard on his temples.

Speaking aloud, slightly distracted, his mind in a whirl, Sephiroth articulated his present state of mind. "This is _Insane_! It's insane, unbelievable, crazy and _totally_ illogical… and… so…_ damned_… _utterly_… _wonderful_." It was completely confusing, filled with uncertainties and emotional fluctuations, rather like a rollercoaster. 'The only thing I'm sure of is that… I _care_ about him.' Instantly a part of him responded, 'what are you _thinking_? Are you even _thinking_ at all?' A memory was hurled into his vision, again one of Cloud, but this time, the expression on his face was one of hurt, as he stumbled over the words of his apology. 'You hurt him… even unintentionally, you did. And don't try to argue that it was an accident, and that you were sorry… Yes, I didn't mean to, didn't even _know_ I was doing so, but it still _happened_. And it _could_… no, _will_ happen again.'

// "I won't let anyone hurt him." 'Not even myself.' //

'_That_ promise didn't take long to be broken.' He sighed, wearily, recalling the flash of vulnerability on Cloud's face. Other more insistent images assailed him, snippets of information, a barrage of childhood nightmares, and the lonely realisation he was set apart from the whole of humanity. 'Not human… _Soulless_. I can't afford to care for Cloud, or let him respond in kind, however much I want to… it'll only hurt him worse in the end, when he finds out my background, _cursed_ by Hojo… Hojo could, and would have created a control of some sort, he probably could manipulate me easily. I _can't_ trust myself… I won't risk _Cloud's_ life on the fact that Hojo might not be able to exert authority over me again. He might have programmed me… just for the purpose of killing… it's safer for Cloud to stay away from me… and the inhuman _creature_ I am. Who knows if all that Mako and chemicals causes me to suddenly mutate or turn into something like the _other_ experiments… the failures… the twisted, deformed half-man, half-beast _things_. No one should rely on me… I'm the _least_ trustworthy "person"… so, why does it feel so… so _good_ that Cloud does, completely, and with all his heart?'

'You _can't_ even _think_ that! What are you _doing_, don't you know where it will lead, how this will end up? Remember this afternoon? Or did you _conveniently_ manage to "forget" what happened… let's say about two hours ago?' His conscience chided him, words that stung, no less because they _were_ the truth. 'Self-pitying, egocentric, self-absorbed, stubborn, _selfish_ little _shit_, aren't you? Oh, and don't forget in denial, as well… and must add in talking to _yourself_, too.' Unbidden, a particularly bitter and painful childhood memory was thrown right in his face, and Sephiroth gritted his teeth as he tried not to lose his control.

// It _didn't_ involve Hojo, at least not primarily, which made it relatively better, he supposed. There was a scientist, … a lady, … funny, how he couldn't remember the face or the name, just the clipboard and white lab coat. He had been nine, then, and was recovering from a nasty series of experiments, still in a half-drugged daze, with the after-effects of injections flooding through his veins. Dim recollections of her trying to shift him to the medical centre as he lay supine, eyes unfocused and gazing blankly at the ceiling. The disorientation of pain and exhaustion combined to make him defensive, and it still wasn't clear if he had lashed out at her because it seemed she was a threat, or just an animalistic response to attack. He hadn't hit her hard, missed, actually, as his eyes were playing tricks on him, vision seeing multiple copies of everything, and instead, the badly-aimed kick had slammed into her assistant, one of Hojo's underlings. The man probably exaggerated the reports of the injury, blowing it up all out of proportion, which was presumably the reason why he was beaten and punished, the next day.

Sephiroth had crouched on the floor, eyes wild with panic and fear, as the assistant ran from the room, to get help in restraining a terrified, semi-conscious, nine-year-old child. It was the words that stood out from the rest of the blurry scene, the scientist speaking in barely audible tones, but easily heard with his enhanced hearing, about "Hojo", "foolishness" and "clones". Then she had said, loudly, "messing around with these _monsters_. Soulless _Abomination_." He couldn't help but recoil at the disgust and contempt in her voice, and quit resisting further attempts to move him. //

'Soulless abomination… nice way of putting it. I'm not _natural_, not _right_… I _shouldn't_ even exist… wouldn't, if it weren't for that madman. I can't be allowed to live… wouldn't it be better for them to exterminate me secretly? Soulless… no heart, no inner being… It's not _fair_, how come I still have to have feelings as well, if I lack everything else a human has? I still can bleed, hurt, feel pain, despair, sorrow… and _care_ for someone. Gods, no, why does Cloud have to be dragged into this? He doesn't deserve it… to be tainted, corrupted… have purity infected by Hojo's insanity. I couldn't bear it if he had to live through what I did, if he suffered just because Hojo wanted a hold over me. Living in a laboratory, 24 hours a day… No one knew, no one cared. They still don't. I never even told Zack about my past.' The traitorous voice of hope interrupted, 'But… … I think Cloud _does_. He… _cares_. I want to believe it, I _do_ believe it, but is it merely a wilful self-delusion? I want him to… to understand, to care… Even if he did… once he found out… if he knows, if I _told_ him… it would definitely kill _any_ feelings of friendship… And I _need_ that, need to have Cloud… as a friend.' Burying his face in his hands, silver hair falling over his shoulders, he groaned in confusion, thoughts swirling like a whirlpool, feeling helpless.

That period of quiet contemplation was interrupted by a knock on his door. "What the fu-?" Sephiroth looked up quickly, and hurriedly pulled on his gloves, and setting his expression back into his cold, impassive façade. 

"Hey, Sephiroth, I… uh… sorry, but the troops are ready," Zack gulped slightly, faltering at the look of slight annoyance on his commanding officer's face. 

"Fine, I'm ready. Let's head to Kalm," he replied. 'I'll continue with that issue about Cloud when I see him after the mission… hopefully, everything will have been resolved by then. Oh yeah… you wish. According to Murphy's Law, disorder _increases_ with time, and entropy sets in… you'll be lucky if this problem is still this simple when you return.'

*** *** *** ***

Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed.


	7. Flight:Mixed Emotions

Flight7Emotions ****

Forbidden** F**antasy:_ Soulmates_

****

Fantasy's Flight

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions, please.

NOTES: People, since the server now has a new format, please check for my story under "Sort By Update (Chaptered)", please. I hope you know what to do...keep on reading, and _Review_ please. If you want the next chapter up _soon,_ well, Leave Feedback. 

Warnings for this chapter

1) Hah! I didn't post for about a month, and this time it wasn't my fault! I couldn't help it if ff.net crashed, although then I could extend my dateline and slack. *I'm really, really sorry, and promise not to do it again. At least until the exams start.*

2) I **swear **this was **not** supposed to come out so **happy**. I intended it to be more angst, continuing from the previous chapter and extending into the next chapter. Somehow, it didn't work out. Writing angst is very draining… *sigh* There'll most likely be 1 or 2 more chapters of misery, before Sephiroth comes back from Kalm, and I can start writing about the training process. It was supposed to end within this chapter, but I spent too much time writing about absolutely nothing at all. *Yeah, I'm long-winded.* Besides that, it is about 10 pages worth, and the funny thing is that my chapters are gradually increasing in length. I can't believe I spent the last 4 1/2 chapters on one **day**. Yes, you heard me right, it's still the same day as at the end of "Preliminary Confrontation".

3) I found the ending quickly getting out of hand. Not only is it non-angst and **happy**, but well, you'll see. I think if it continues, I'll probably have to change the summary. Blame it on Cloud and Reno. It's all their fault. I stress that it is a relatively not-exactly-romantic, **still-platonic** friendship (so far).

4) If you don't understand the history & geographical stuff in there, especially all the ramblings about the Mako reactor and ShinRa, basically, it was after school, so I was still under the "studying" influence. Just bear with me, you can either ignore it or email me about it.

" " Normal speech

' ' Thoughts

__

italics Emphasis

~ ~ Mental speech/ Telepathy

// // Flashback

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Chapter 7

Mixed Emotions

It was a perfect Sunday afternoon, and the weather in Midgar was especially beautiful, with the sunlight bathing everything in a warm reddish-gold glow. Midgar, being on the west coast of the Eastern Continent, had a climate that was a nice blend between Mediterranean and temperate, with warm summers and relatively mild winters, and moderate snowfall. It was unlike Nibelheim, which was near mountains, so experienced cooler weather throughout the year, with slightly heavier snow as well. Although it was barely mid-March, very early in Spring, the temperature was pleasantly warm and sunny, and as the upper plate of Midgar had full Mako-powered facilities, the SOLDIER training centre had heating and cooling units, so maintained a steady, albeit artificially regulated, temperature the whole year round. 

The plate was partially supported on one side by a hilly region, and that was where the location of the SOLDIER headquarters was. Eventually, it would be levelled, and a pillar built to replace the mountain and the cliff as part of ShinRa's development plans, and another Mako reactor built where the cliff's edge had been. But for now, the natural landscape remained untouched, the single Mako reactor currently drawing out measured amounts of energy, so the growth was sustainable. The area around Midgar city was still preserved, thickly wooded, and wild grass still as lushly green and verdant as before. Unpolluted, fresh air wafted into the corridor as the door to outside had been left partially open, breeze cool and refreshing. In short, it was the perfect day to lie down, laze around and nap, or simply relax.

The atmosphere within Dormitory 6 was anything _but_ relaxed, however. Reno sighed impatiently trying to concentrate enough to block out all that noise and resume reading. He stared disgustedly at the bookmarked page, it was the sixth consecutive time he had reread that particular line and gotten stuck, because of all those distracting interruptions.

'Forget it. It's absolutely hopeless. I won't get any peace and quiet unless someone casts Silence on them.' Forced to continue his role as a reluctant eavesdropper to the loud and animated conversation going on around him, he put down the novel.

"_Sephiroth_ was _here_? As in _the_ General Sephiroth? Here in _our_ dormitory, walking along this very corridor and in this common room?"

"You sure you saw it correctly, Allan?"

"Yes, Skye, Franz, I _did_ see him! And who else could it be, there isn't _another_ Sephiroth in SOLDIER." Allan's agitated response drew disbelieving stares and a few cynical snickers.

"Get real, what would he be doing here. It's impossible!"

"I tell you, he was here! I'm _not_ lying! And how would I know what he wanted, I'm not a bloody mind-reader! Hey, …Reno! You were there, right? And you bunk with Cloud, you would have seen him!"

Reno winced as he was assaulted by a barrage of questions and miscellaneous noise. 'So much for sitting here _quietly_ and not participating in the conversation. I think I'm getting a headache…' "All right, all right! Shut up already! Yes, the General was here, and he went down the corridor and into our room. He brought his friend, some guy named Zack, and we talked awhile. That's it. …Oh yeah, he came to see Cloud, then the two of them left together. Can you leave me alone _now_?" He saw the door creak open out of the corner his eye, and breathed a sigh of relief. "In fact, there's Cloud. Go ask him yourself." 'Sorry, Cloud, but I _couldn't_ put up with it anymore, hope you have more patience than I have.'

Cloud blinked and stared, rather helplessly, and it became his turn to be subject to a bombardment of questions, a literal hail of words and phrases. "Um… what? Can you please slow down and speak one at a time? Yeah, Sephiroth was here, and no, I'm not in trouble or anything." He turned to direct a half-pleading glance at Reno, a semi-desperate, silent mouthing of the word "help". The redhead had been rather enjoying the spectacle, and Cloud's discomfiture, but he realised that his friend was patently uncomfortable at being the centre of attention, and indeed, was unused to being the focus of all eyes and ears. 

He gracefully stood up, and cleared a path to their room in the sea of other recruits, gripping on firmly to Cloud's elbow and guiding him past the corridor. "Okay, okay. Show's over. Break it up, people. The interview ended, and no more questions will be accepted. Please direct any queries to his agent." While speaking, Reno firmly brushed past the others, and shut the door loudly behind them. Heaving a sigh of relief at managing to reach the privacy and safety of the room, Cloud promptly collapsed on the bunk in front of him. "It's awful to have to share a common room and dormitory with so many other people, hmm?" Reno smiled as he heard the whispers and commotion outside.

"Yeah. Thanks for saving me, by the way." The room had never looked so good to him before, even though it was barely large enough to fit in the two bunks, and all the facilities were outside and had to be shared among 15 others. The few personal possessions he had brought, besides his clothes, were stashed underneath the bed, along with textbooks and other assorted notes.

"No problem. What are friends for?" Reno replied easily, stretching out on the other bunk.

'_Friends_.' Cloud thought, 'how unfamiliar the word sounds. Never had a friend for the first fourteen years of my life, and within 1 1/2 weeks of joining SOLDIER, I already made 2 _real_ friends.'

"So, what did you and General Sephiroth really do, after you both left together?" Reno's voice interrupted the flow of his thoughts, words dropping like pebbles into the still surface of a pool, creating a chain of ripples, rushed, chaotic and spreading, that sent disorder and confusion echoing down his mind, disrupting and agitating the previously calm, still and peaceful surface.

"I went through a sort-of training session, and…" his voice trailed off uncertainly, hesitation creeping in. 'I don't _know_ what was going on, there was something _else_… I can't explain.' "I don't really want to talk about it right now, I'd rather keep it to myself and maybe later, when I've figured it out… cause I don't _understand_," Cloud answered honestly, frustrated at being unable to fully express exactly what and how he felt.

Reno nodded once, briefly, in acknowledgement, and resumed reading his novel. Cloud appreciated the silence and the privacy, as he was not accustomed tot he crowded area of Midgar city, as well as the thousands of ShinRa employees and SOLDIERS within the training facility alone. Truth be told, he just could not get used to the people here who were actually _friendly_, staring with his dormitory mates, the others in his group, people in the University classes, both students and lecturers, even strangers who smiled while he walked past them in the corridors…

'And of course, there's Reno… and _Seph_.' A sharp exhalation of air, accompanied by furiously spinning thoughts. 'What a day… yesterday I beat up Erek and woke up suffering from exhaustion this morning. Then Reno tells me he is a homosexual.' Cloud stole a quick glance at his friend, watching the redhead frown in concentration, brows crinkling. 'I'm… okay with that, I think. Shocked me for a while, though. Even though there's nothing like that in Nibelheim, he is my first real friend, and I guess it doesn't matter. Stuff like that shouldn't really matter, it's unimportant. All I know is that I know him, and I trust him, because Reno was the first person who didn't _care_ about popularity, keeping with clichés, or about reputations, he's… _nice_. Only other thing is that he's interested in _me_.'

Cloud swallowed hard, remembering the morning, when Reno had freely admitted his sexual orientation and had hinted at a possible… no, definite _attraction_ to him. It had been unnerving, to say the least, to have someone openly confess to wanting to get "involved" with him. 'But… I _trust him_, he's my _friend_. It should bother me, but I'm not worried, Reno wouldn't force me… he stopped and asked this morning, remember? What if… if I said yes?' Deep down in his heart, he knew he wouldn't, however tempting. Even if Reno was the only one who offered, and although the redhead _was_ quite handsome, and even if on the parts of both parties, their feelings of friendship were mixed with something deeper and not _purely_ platonic… … There was and would always be, someone else.

'If it is to be any guy, hell, if it is going to be _anyone_ at all, it would be _him_, the only person I might be _remotely_ interested in. And that's a big 'IF', I could probably remain celibate for the rest of my life. It wouldn't be anybody back in Nibelheim that I would fall in love with, that's for sure.'

That train of thought only led on to the next point, the _main_ reason why it had been a singularly confusing, yet wonderful day. 'Sephiroth. …First he came in with Zack, and I could practically _sense_ him coming in. Then, we leave and find out that we have a lot in common, including sadistic tendencies. Next, we go for individualised training, and I manage to make a complete fool of myself by nicknaming him Seph. But… not only did he not reprimand me, he… _liked_ it. Not forgetting all that stuff that happened during the training…' Hearing that brief voice and feelings of awe in his head didn't even come _close_ to the… _unbelievableness_ of the eventswhich had transpired. The conversation, the glances, and the all-too brief touches… … It went _beyond_ that, the flashes of intimacy, the letting down of his guard, as well as the glimpses of the _real_ Sephiroth, the hidden vulnerability.

'Why? What's going on?' It was _strange_ and weird, but amazing as well. Just the simple action of clasping hands together took on a whole new significance, when viewed in the light of the fact it was the _General_ who had initiated the skin-to-skin contact. He was _sure_ that no one, not even the General's second-in-command had even touched his bare hands, or had seen the other side of Sephiroth that had been revealed to himself, _Cloud_ Strife, of all people. And he had seen for himself that Zack did not _ever_ call Sephiroth anything other than "General", "sir" or his given full name.

'Seph,' Cloud thought, then blushed slightly, a curious mix of embarrassed pleasure colouring the fair skin. 'That was so… so mortifying. Whatever possessed me to let it slip? Why did he ask me to continue using it? The General of SOLDIER, taking time to train… no, not just train, get to _know_ a lowly recruit who would probably be kicked out after the trials… it's too damned much like a fairy-tale. Stuff like this _doesn't_ happen in real life… or at least, it shouldn't, not to _me_.' He returned to the matter at hand, or rather, _mind_, and to the all-important question it led to. 'So, what does it all add up to, or mean? There isn't any real reason for him to allow me to call him 'Seph', unless… It's the sort of thing you'll only let someone who was a… friend, or…' He faltered, unable to complete the mental sentence, overcome by a dizzying sensation. 'Friend… a _friend_. Of course… Sephiroth wants _me_ to be his…? I think I could live with that.'

*** *** *** ***

Reno stole a glance at Cloud, who seemed to be a little oblivious to his surroundings, and was now staring fixedly at the ceiling. 'Well, he does have a lot of new ideas to sort out and organise after this morning. A lot of things have been thrown at him, and I didn't exactly help by springing those two facts on him this morning.' He smiled silently, wondering what he would feel like if their roles had been reversed. 'If my best friend told me he was gay and had the hots for me, I don't think I'll be able to deal with it, either. Well… I probably would be able to cope if _that_ happened. If Cloud told me that, I would probably waste no time in trying to drag him to bed. Pity he didn't…' His smile grew wider, and threatened to cause him to break out in fits of silent laughter. 'Well, I can dream, can't I?'

Cloud bit his lip in concentration, delicately arched brows furrowing, as he tried to resolve some of the issues bothering him. 'Okay, worry about the situation involving Sephiroth _later_. Do I need to do anything about the problem with Reno?' Intent on his own thoughts, he was taken aback when for the second time today, someone _else's_ mental processes intruded on his.

~I don't _believe_ that Cloud knows Sephiroth! I wonder how? It's still so _cool_ that the General was here, I'm really psyched. Maybe he was here for a reason, because of the fight last afternoon. Now, _that_ was scary. Wouldn't have expected it of Cloud, he looks so… un-SOLDIER-like… but yet… I never wanna piss him off.~

'Awe. Awe and wonder. And… something that was too close to _fear_ for my liking. I'm hearing voices… this is _not good_. It feels too _real_ for it to just have been made up, and I wouldn't refer to myself in the third person, it's not grammatically correct used in that last sentence.' Cloud grinned twistedly, 'maybe I _am_ insane. Remembering English sentence structure, composition and rules at a time like this. Stress must be getting to me.'

Reno saw Cloud flinch slightly, and bring a hand up to his head, massaging his temples, grimacing as if caught by the pain of a headache. "You okay?"

Cloud opened his eyes and looked up into the concerned face of his friend, hovering anxiously around him. "Um, yeah… I'm fine," he answered the query, blinking and trying to focus.

"Are you sure? You don't look all that good. Come on." Without waiting for a reply, the redhead grabbed Cloud by the shoulders, and forcibly propelled him off the bed.

"Wha-?" Disorientated for a moment, he could only turn to stare helplessly at his friend.

"You studied and exerted yourself too hard this morning. Now, you are _going_ to go outside and RELAX. Call it abduction. Or kidnapping. You're now a hostage." He grinned widely when Cloud could only muster up a feeble protest, and shoved him onto his feet.

"Resistance is futile, huh?" Cloud said wryly, and helped to open the door.

"Good, everyone left already, they didn't bother hanging around waiting for us to emerge. Oh shit, we've been spotted." Reno noticed it was Allan, and smothered a groan. 'It would _have_ to be him. The most persistent, star-struck, hero-worshipping Sephiroth-wannabe _ever_. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But _still_!'

"Cloud, Sephiroth _was_ here, wasn't he?" asked Allan, voice high in excitement, practically begging for confirmation of his observation this morning. Cloud nodded, rather reluctantly, feeling that it was almost an invasion of his privacy, and unwelcome intrusion by a trespasser. "And… and he took you for a training session?" Voice dropping lower, barely above a whisper, waiting with bated breath for the reply, which was quite long in coming.

"Yeah, but it's no big deal, really. We just talked a bit, and he taught me how to hold a sword, that's about it." 'There is _no way_ I'm going to tell anyone at all about what _else_ happened.' He shrugged, uncomfortable with the prolonged stare and open-mouthed gape he was receiving. 'It seems as if Seph's aura of mystique rubs off on others by association.' He remembered how he had "heard" the mental "voices", and something similar to that was happening now. Allan's thoughts… no, not so much _thought_ as _feelings_, were suddenly thrown at him, forcing through to his consciousness, a heavy mental blow of raw, chaotic emotions slamming into his mind. The overwhelming one was of awe, not respect, bordering on fear and unreasoning terror.

'I fought Erek last afternoon, it might have been just a fluke, but it's enough to make some people scared.' He tried to defend himself from the unwanted knowledge thrust on him, attempting in vain to drive away the other _presence_ which had abruptly and almost painfully made itself felt. 'No, I don't _want_ this. Make it stop, somebody… _Go away_!'

Shaken, mind reeling from the new, conflicting ideas, he closed his eyes and tried to block. 'An outcast again… I thought they were my _friends_… I just wanted them to keep it that way, not to try and find out more, and find out about _me_. Now he's scared, or fearful or awestruck, but even if fear _is_ marginally better than hatred, I suppose, it still means I'm the loner _again_. Why does Nibelheim and the people from back there keep on _interfering_ in my new life?' All that passed through his mind in the space of a few seconds, and he hoped no one had noticed the momentary lapse.

Reno had, however, gazing out of the corner of his eye, and seeing Cloud wince slightly in response to the continuation of the relentless questioning. He chose that moment to step in, telling the other recruit firmly, "if you've no more queries, we're going out _now_." Ungently shoving Allan out of the way, he manoeuvred Cloud and himself past. The rest of the journey outside passed without event, and they reached the safety of the grounds at the outskirts of the SOLDIER training centre.

Reno sighed in relief and plunked himself down on the long grass, and indicated a spot besides him. He watched while his friend sat down in a slower and more careful fashion than he had, blue eyes scanning the area around them. "Don't worry, there aren't any bugs here… well, at least not man-eating ones." Cloud smiled self-consciously, and settled down.

The ground was quite dry and soft, with the pine trees overhead sending a fresh, cool scent into the air. It didn't have as spectacular a view or as pleasant an area as the location where he had first met Seph, when Sephiroth had been in his guise as an unknown mentor, but the atmosphere of this place was, overall, calming and soothing to his nerves.

Reno smiled to himself as Cloud relaxed, the day's build-up of tension dissipating on the wind. When he judged his friend had sufficiently unwound, he casually draped his arm over Cloud's shoulder, and shifted so he was leaning against one of the numerous pine trees in the area. Instantly tensing, for a moment Cloud was frozen in surprise, uneasy with the close contact. After sternly telling himself that Reno _wasn't_ a threat, and he wasn't back in Nibelheim, he forced himself to relax, muscles gradually relaxing from the alert and wary stance.

Reno saw the instinctive response, the automatic tense reaction, and privately noted to himself that he needed to get Cloud to loosen up. He remembered their conversation that morning, and wryly thought that he could not blame Cloud for feeling uncomfortable. 'Well, I guess, if I was from some town where the people are parochial and insular, and just had a dialogue with someone I relatively trusted, and found out that… well… you know. I suppose it could be interpreted as trying to make a move on him.' "Look, Cloud, about earlier… I'm sorry about that, and if you had enough time to understand exactly what happened, and you're feeling disgusted or anything… You had better tell me now."

Cloud looked at him, puzzled, "Reno, I meant what I said back then. I haven't reconsidered, and won't _ever_. You _are_ my friend, and that's what counts, right?"

"I know I'm putting this poorly, but thanks," Reno said softly, with a slight hesitation over the last phrase. Reno continued hurriedly, feeling rather awkward, and noticing Cloud seemed either disbelieving, embarrassed or about to disclaim and deny the truth or sincerity of his words. "No, I mean it, it means a lot to me that you didn't leave in disgust or revulsion, most people who find out can't accept it. A lot of my so-called 'friends' left after I told them, maybe they thought I was going to flirt with them or something. And my parents…" He shrugged, grey eyes solemn, "they didn't have very much choice. They didn't disown me, or anything, my mother was quite supportive, but they're disappointed. I just wanted to thank you." He finished, still feeling like it was clumsy and inadequate, not expressing his sentiments fully, and that it wasn't enough. Cloud reached out and squeezed Reno's hand gently, communicating without words that he understood, and was rewarded by the tentative smile of happiness on his friend's face.

*** *** *** ***

They observed in silent appreciation the natural beauty of Midgar, with the long stalks of grass swaying in the wind, a rippling, unbroken sea of green. The same wind that ruffled their hair, and tugged lightly on the sleeves of the recruit's uniforms. "Pity the rest of the forests are going to be cut down, huh?" Reno's tone conveyed regret at the loss of part of Midgar's landscape.

"Huh? Why?" Cloud asked, feeling painfully ignorant when he admitted he had no prior knowledge of the history of Midgar. The time that followed was a very interesting and informative one, a mix of History, Geography, Social Science, Economics, as well as a dash of Politics thrown in for good measure. He learned that Midgar was identified as an area with an abundance of Mako, the source of energy for all human life on the Planet.

It was here that they first discovered how to channel the free-flowing energy, and after much research, built the very first reactor. The area that was originally one with a low population density rapidly grew, but mostly in the land surrounding the Mako reactor and the hill. One of President ShinRa's great-grandfathers had been the founder of the ShinRa company, and came up with a proposal to build a city half-way up the hill slope, where the Mako seemed to be concentrated. The old reactor had been demolished, and a new and upgraded, modern version was built near to the base of the hill.

The engineers and architects had been very ambitious, creating a gigantic, solid metal plate on which the new city was to be built, and had constructed it on the side of the mountain itself, so it jutted out like a rocky outcropping. The top of the mountain and half of it had been levelled, and pillars built to support the plate, with one of the "pillars" being part of the Mako reactor. Apparently, it had only been three-quarters completed, with part of the plate, the on one which the SOLDIER facility was constructed, still resting on the foundations of the mountain, the rocky cliff still a reminder of the original hill Midgar city had been built upon. Plans were underway to complete that ambitious project, by constructing supports beneath, and demolishing the last sad remnants of a once-tall mountain.

"You mean this ground is not real?" Cloud asked incredulously.

"Well, most of it was soil imported from outside. The landscapers sure had a hard time trying to disguise the metal plate, at least in certain areas. In here, on the SOLDIER grounds, it's still very much the original hill, and the grass we're lying on _is_ natural. So are the trees and the cliff, as a matter of fact. Technically, they left the landscape here intact, the plate is _underneath_ this ground, and all there is now is only about 1 metre of real, natural soil from the hill. When they finish, however, the land surrounding us, as well as the forests on the slope," he waved in the general direction of the cliff, "is all going to be gone. There _are_ going to be major changes, though I hope they'll leave the training grounds intact, but… I doubt it."

'Hope they leave the tree where I met Sephiroth alone…' Cloud thought, then chided himself for being so ridiculously sentimental and foolish. 'Yeah, sure, like they'll save that tree just because it has emotional significance.' He did feel a tinge of excitement, however, at the thought of being in the midst of all that activity, actually living in the vibrant, changing environment of Midgar city. The construction going on would rapidly restructure the entire face of Midgar city, and the removal of the hill and the emergence of the plate would be the culmination of all the generations of effort, and the birth of Midgar, the floating city. It wasn't all artificial, however, as pockets of natural land and greenery were to be preserved, like the SOLDIER main facility, and a park of sorts near the middle of the plate.

"Reno, what happened to the people who lived at the base of the former hill?"

"I don't rightly know. Most of them moved up to the upper Midgar city, but some stubborn ones are remaining below. It's almost like a slum down there, and the plate blocks off the light. I went down, once or twice, but is _not_ an experience I want to repeat."

"So, it's some of the… ah… more _unsavoury_ characters, as well as the poorer citizens and criminal elements who reside down there. Oh, and the obstinate fanatics, as well," Cloud said delicately, trying to maintain slightly more political correctness than bluntly stating "mobsters, gangsters and delinquents".

Reno nodded in agreement. "Some were sort-of 'banished' by the President. Oh, did you know that his position of being in charge of the city was handed down for about 5 generations? The current ShinRa did away with elections, and the Mayor of Midgar is just a figurehead, everyone knows where the _real_ power resides. He practically runs the whole world! He is the owner of ShinRa Corporation, and earns enough to privately finance researchers and scientists. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say he controls Midgar, the Mako reactors are all operated by ShinRa employees all around the Planet, effectively controlling the power supply of the cities and towns. President ShinRa is the nearest thing Midgar has to a king, even though we don't have a government body, it's a fact of life that the city is run by the ShinRa."

"Of which we are employees," Cloud cut in dryly, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, well, if you can't beat 'em, join them," Reno laughed, tossing back his ponytail.

*** *** *** ***

The lazy afternoon was passing by slowly, the only other sound the buzz and hum of insects, and the melody of birdsong. They watched, again lapsing into quietness, mutely following with their gaze, the idle path of a randomly fluttering butterfly, drifting and weaving through the trees and shrubs. The shade of the pine tree that sheltered them from the worst of the sun's burning heat, and the occasional breeze stirred the surrounding plants' leaves. Reno was not concentrating so much on the scenery, than upon reliving the dialogue. He supposed he should be feeling shocked or stunned right now, but had only been left with mild surprise and profound relief.

'I didn't expect that completely _atypical_ reaction, especially not from a Nibelheim boy, of all people. I suppose Cloud _isn't_ a normal recruit, he's mature, intelligent and open-minded… age notwithstanding.' The anticipated rejection and disgust hadn't come, but it wasn't as much of a shock as it would have been. He found it easy to believe the quiet reassurance of friendship, and realised it was not unexpected. 'Somehow, it doesn't come as a surprise… it fits in with what I've seen of his personality… mutual trust on _both_ our parts. It should be strange… heck, even my _parents_ weren't that accepting, and a person who was a stranger to me less than two weeks ago completely and without reservation simply _understands_… it would normally be weird and absolutely _unbelievable_… but it's different with Cloud.' He continued on in a similar train of thought, breathing in the freshness of the grassy scent and letting the warmth of the day suffuse him.

Cloud was being lulled into sleep, the "lecture" given on Midgar by Reno had been delivered in a rather low, musical, soothing tone, and that, together with the morning's exertions, was tempting him to sleep. The heat was drowsiness-inducing, and Reno had started humming softly a few minutes ago, the half-heard tune penetrating the air, hypnotising him into slumber. Reno was startled out of his private contemplation, when Cloud suddenly leaned his weight on him, but pulled the smaller boy closer, so Cloud's head was resting on his shoulder. Sighing in content and gratitude, Cloud suppressed a yawn, and half-awake, felt Reno's arm around him tighten, supporting his back, then moving upwards to drape lightly around his shoulders. He remained wakeful, even as his blond friend was pulled into blissful slumber. It made a beautiful scene, set against the backdrop of the wild beauty of nature, flame-red against gold strands, two friends sharing a peaceful interlude amidst the hustle and bustle of Midgar city.

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Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed.


	8. Flight:Confrontation Revisited

**F**orbidden **F**antasy: _Soulmates_

**Fantasy's Flight**

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions, please.

NOTES: People, since the server now has a new format, please check for my story under "Sort By Update (Chaptered)", please. I hope you know what to do...keep on reading, and _Review_ please. If you want the next chapter up _soon,_ well, Leave Feedback.

Warnings for this chapter

1) Apologies are due to all you (im)patient people out there, after a wait of about 3? 4? months, I'm **FINALLY** updating. I'm ever so sorry, I had exams to study for, which took up the time until October. **THEN **I went on holiday and slacked. sheepish grin If you can still remember the gist of the story, I'll have to give you credit, even I sort-of forgot some of the details along the way. I wonder if everyone gave up on the idea of me continuing the fic…

2) Let's see… um… guess what? If you thought I'd finally end the day with the last chapter, you're mistaken… I'm **STILL** on the same day as about 5 1/2 chapters ago. And then I still have to write about the night. The time seems to drag on forever…

3) As stated before, I am an anti-Tifa person, so am warning all those Tifa&Cloud lovers out there. But if you _are_ a pro-Tifa&Cloud person, what are you doing reading a yaoi fiction, anyway? In this chapter I indulge in rather nasty, (but still intelligent) comments about her, so if you think you'll be offended, please skip that part. I will not mindlessly character-bash, I just throw in derogatory terms, etc, but I really do feel that that is how the character acts. So sue me for having an opinion.

4) Thanks again for waiting! You'll see whether it was worth it, although I doubt it. I got rather melodramatic along the way, (hopefully I didn't go overboard) and the one who had to bear the brunt of it was Reno… so if he sounds like he's suddenly spouts poetry, please forgive me. On with the show.

" " Normal speech

' ' Thoughts

_italics _Emphasis

Mental speech/ Telepathy

// Flashback

**Chapter 8**

**Confrontation Revisited**

Making their way to the dining hall, Cloud and Reno were hurrying, almost running, in their haste to catch up with the rest of the group, so they would arrive on time. Cloud turned his head slightly, enough to flash Reno a rather sheepish and apologetic grin, before continuing his fast pace. "I can't believe I fell asleep as well," Reno muttered, softly chiding himself. After Cloud had fallen asleep on his shoulder, he had been unable to resist the pull of unconsciousness, and to his chagrin and in spite of his valiant attempts to stay awake, had followed his friend quickly into dreamland. Both of them had only woken up near evening, the afternoon sun just minutes away from setting. A quick glance at his watch revealed that it was past 7 p.m., and they were already 5 minutes late. Suppressing the urge to vent his frustration in pointless swearing, he matched strides with Cloud until they reached the welcome safety of the hall.

'Thank goodness no one caught us sneaking in,' Cloud thought gratefully. Making his way to an unoccupied table, with a tray of food, he left a seat on the bench for Reno to join him, after his friend managed to weave through the packed room. Turning his attention to the meal, he carefully examined the individual items that had somehow merged into a colourful mess on his plate. "I give up. I can't recognise _anything_ on my tray," Cloud remarked ruefully.

"Um… well, maybe you don't want to," Raven answered, from his left, "just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and eat."

"Ignore him. It's not _that_ bad. Just avoid that sticky goo," Damien advised, eyeing the congealed, custard-like, brownish, semi-liquid stuff in the bowl. Obeying the friendly and helpful advice, Cloud started on his meal, purposely avoiding the so-called dessert. To his surprise, it _was_ pretty good, at least edible, with the food still fresh and hot, even if it was bland. He suppressed a grin as he noticed Reno liberally adding in salt over the _entire_ portion, even on the dessert.

"It's not like I'm going to eat it anyway," Reno said defensively, pushing the offending mud-coloured muck off his tray. The rest of the meal was passed in silence, the recruits just realising now how truly _hungry_ they were.

Conversation resumed shortly, once the majority had finished eating, the noise level in the cafeteria rising again, a steady hum of chatter, broken only now and then by laughter. The discussion was mainly about the mission at Kalm, and Cloud was relieved that it did not turn back to the afternoon's topic, none of them resuming the relentless questioning. 'Perhaps they are deliberately avoiding the subject? No matter what the reason, as long as they do, I don't mind.'

He was content to distance himself from the speculation, the heated babble of voices, and be a passive observer, the way he was used to being back at Nibelheim, an objective listener not drawn into the arguments, hovering on the edges. Unlike home, however, he _could_ choose to join in, and have his words taken seriously, not forced into adopting that aloof stance out of a desire to protect himself. Relaxed, he found it easier to let his consciousness drift, in a state of almost heightened awareness. 'Might as well see if I can use that new sense again, or if this afternoon, as well as the day before, was just a fluke.'

If he concentrated hard, he could distinguish roughly where the words were coming from, even over the din of the dining hall, and although it should be practically _impossible_ to make out distinct voices, it was all audible to him. Several rows of tables down, Cloud could _hear_ a group of Second and Third-Class SOLDIERs nosily making bets on the results of the B Class Chocobo Races at the Gold Saucer. 'Betting _1000_ gil on Chocobos? These guys are _insane_!'

Shaking his head slightly, he decided to stop eavesdropping, physically, mentally, or otherwise. 'Better rest. The conversation there is… well, _informative_, but not particularly _intelligent_. 'Sides, I have had enough for the day… my head hurts. It isn't _quite_ reading their thoughts, not like this afternoon… more like enhancing a physical sense or utilising another natural ability.'

After the initial shock of being able to overhear dialogue three tables down had worn off, he now was rather _enjoying_ trying to control this new skill, using it to merely improve an already existing sense, allowing him to pick out sounds that were _just_ out of range. The limit to the mental enhancement of his ears was to extend the distance over which he could hear normally by one to two metres. 'It's useful, and practical to learn how to maximise this. Sort of a practice for the Mako treatments boosting a SOLDIER's talents… I'll be able to get used to the changes later, if I learn to cope with this _now_.'

Cloud closed his eyes as he remembered the _other_ side of this new skill, 'the hearing increase is fine… But the _other_ part… I don't want to be able to see into other's minds, having someone else's thoughts intruding on mine… it's too unnerving. I _don't_ want to know what they're thinking, don't want that unwelcome information… And I can't control it, it just _happens_ and I can't stop it.'

He had never _asked_ for it, never wanted to be saddled with the burden, for burden it was, of mindreading. 'If that was just a minor example this afternoon… I'd hate to be omniscient.' Somewhere at the back of his mind, he wondered how he could keep that bleak sense of humour even when troubled. Breath escaping in a quick exhalation that wasn't _quite_ a sigh, he turned back to the remains of the meal, carefully avoiding meeting Allan's eyes. 'Don't want to see him… face the reality of disturbing _awe-fear-envy_ again. Maybe if I don't make any eye contact it won't happen… I don't want to be forced into that distasteful one-sided… _intimacy_ of knowing _exactly_ what someone else thinks or feels. I have enough trouble with my _own_ mind, to say nothing of having to deal with someone _else's_ emotions.'

Looking up, attention caught by a bright flash of metallic-grey, he was amused to notice Reno absently picking up _both_ the pepper _and_ salt-shakers, and proceeding to cover his food with another layer of salt and pepper. Seized by a sudden mischievous impulse, Cloud discreetly moved the container of sugar nearer his friend's hand, and had to suppress a smile when Reno added that as well into the dessert bowl.

"Hmm… so, Cloud, what do you think about sneaking in the laundry and switching the detergent with bright green dye on April Fools' Day?" Raven asked.

"Too immature," Damien replied through a mouth of food.

"Tying all their shoelaces together?"

"No, that's too over-used," Damien countered.

"Glue their bags to the floor?"

"Nope," Damien shook his head, dismissing another of Raven's suggestions.

"You're awfully fussy. Can't you ever agree on something?" Raven complained in exasperation.

From the other table, Skye yelled over, "Damien's always like that. You can _never_ get him to admit that someone other than himself ever came up with a good idea." A heated argument soon followed, with insults, taunts and agitated accusations hurled by both parties.

"Juvenile. Trading insults like children," Cloud remarked lazily, rolling his eyes at the light-hearted banter.

"Hey! What was that again, huh?" Raven turned to mock-angrily glare at Cloud.

"I said juvenile. Children. Immature. Babies. Infants," Cloud drawled, deliberately stating the words slowly and clearly, a slight smirk on his face. Whatever outraged response Raven might have made to the provoking comments would be forever lost, as at that moment, another situation emerged.

"Aaarrrgghhh!" The loud bellow echoed throughout the room, disturbing the normal flow of conversation, and everyone simultaneously stopped to stare. Damien's chair toppled and hit the ground with a resounding "thud". The shocked silence that followed was eerie, with the entire hall of over five hundred SOLDIERs and recruits stunned into absolute quiet. It was an unnatural, hushed sort of _dead_ silence, and one could _literally_ hear a pin drop. It was broken by a confused scramble on the parts of the recruits sitting at the tables nearest him, as chairs and benches were pushed aside in a mad rush to get to the scene. Reno was the closest, and was bending over Damien in concern. The initial yelling had subsided into coughing and gasping.

"He's choking. Someone perform the Heimlich manoeuvre." Cloud stated clinically, and helped Reno to right the chair, gently supporting Damien in a sitting position. Damien shook his head in negation, swallowed hard and made a disgusted face. Cloud stood up, puzzled, wondering at the strange cause of the sudden accident. His eyes alighted on the table, skimming past to Damien's seat. As if drawn by some invisible magnet, his gaze was inevitably pulled to a certain plastic bowl, with the familiar brown dessert in it. 'No… Wait. Damien sits next to…' His glance slid to meet Reno's, eyes widening in startled recognition, and he saw the understanding dawn on his friend's face. Trying vainly to fight a smile, to keep his mouth set in that grim line of sternness, Cloud turned away to hide the beginnings of laughter. Reno's grey eyes sparkled, and his shoulder's shook in silent mirth.

"I've been poisoned!" Damien declared indignantly. This only sparked off the helpless laughter of the two, as they were unable to control themselves at the mixed look of outrage and disgust on their friend's face. Schooling his expression into a more serious look befitting the occasion, Cloud gravely explained about the mix-up of bowls, and the unfortunate encounter with the salted, peppered and sugared mixture. The hall's commotion soon abated, with only a few audible snickers at Damien's expense. Finally, he retreated from the teasing and hilarity of his fellow recruits, and left to take refuge in the sanctity of his room.

"He's probably hiding under the bed and sulking," Reno remarked to no one in particular. The SOLDIERs had all left the hall, leaving the recruits to occupy the entire space, so it seemed suddenly a strangely empty place, with the echoes of the previous different voices fading slowly away. Cloud sighed and nodded, tilting his head to casually look at the remaining people in the hall. Never focusing on any one point attention wandering, until he saw _them_. Instantly tensing, almost frozen to the spot, Cloud debated on the possibility of making a dash for the exit.

'Damn, I didn't expect him to recover so quickly. They probably cast a Cure spell on him.' He deliberately forced his locked muscles to relax, not allowing any trace of fear or nervousness to show. His mind, however, was projecting a far different emotion than what he let show on his outward appearance, thoughts running in confused, little frenzied circles, screaming 'back… He's back with his friends!'

"Hey," Reno whispered softly in Cloud's ear, "calm down. Just because Erek and his cronies are here again doesn't mean that they'll do anything."

"You don't _know_ them Reno… you haven't lived in fear of them for your entire childhood. He'll want revenge. Erek will be more wary and less over-confident, since I managed to beat him that one time. He's… they _all_ are used to seeing me as weaker, just a victim, helpless, not able to fight back, completely _vulnerable_…" Cloud's voice trailed off with a slight gasp at the end, a ragged intake of breath. Reno noticed with some alarm that his friend was clearly disturbed, lower lip bitten in a dark semicircle, nearly drawing blood.

"It's okay. You wiped the floor with his ass before, remember?" he said reassuringly.

"No… You don't understand. _Now_ he won't make the same mistake again. He won't try to fight one-on-one with me. This time it'll be the whole gang…" Cloud closed his eyes, trying to bring back the icy calm he had felt before the last fight, but so far, it was unsuccessful.

'What I'm _afraid _is that it'll go too far… he'll kill me. Or I might kill _him_. I don't know which would be worse…' He didn't realise he was twisting his hands together, compulsive hand-wringing, nails digging into his own skin, until Reno leaned over and clasped his hands firmly, tightly gripping the wrists to render Cloud's hands immobile.

"Sorry," Cloud said, shamefacedly, and Reno rubbed his palm against the backs of Cloud's hands soothingly before releasing his hold. 'Like _Seph_…' was the irrelevant connection, linking this action to the past. 'Sephiroth…' Just the thought of that name restored a measure of peace, allowed him to strengthen the tenuous grip he had on maintaining outward calm. 'He believes in me…perhaps the only one who really does, aside from Mom, and maybe Reno… I _will not_ let him down.' Cloud straightened his shoulders, head snapping up to meet Erek's eyes, in a glare of pure defiance and fearlessness.

'That's the _real_ Cloud.' Reno smiled inwardly, knowing his friend had won the internal battle, and would probably win the external fight as well. His gaze flickered over to the other recruits, to narrowed eyes of Erek Mollina and Johnny. They were frowning, obviously unnerved by the apparent indifference of their focus of revenge, disappointed that it was not going to be easy intimidating Cloud. After a hurriedly whispered conference, they stood, pushing aside their chairs, deliberately heading towards Cloud and Reno's table.

'I beat him once… I _can_ do it again,' Cloud thought, feeling the fear dissipate, flowing off and draining from his mind, leaving it clear and emptied of all distracting emotion. It was strange… how one could be reduced to a terrified bundle of nerves, living in constant fear… and then when in a _real_ confrontation, merely feel an objective, distant detachment. 'When you face up to your fears they _do_ disappear…'

Cloud turned and nodded to Reno, an unspoken message of gratitude and support passing between them. He nonchalantly waited until they were standing directly behind him, so the dark shadows overlapped and covered over a significant portion of the table, then stood, in one graceful, unhurried movement. Anyone watching would have been struck by the contrast, amidst the dark, rough features and bulky builds of the Nibelheim "gang", Cloud was a blazing, gold beacon of light. Slender, delicate, almost _frail_, ice-blue glowing with reckless defiance, fair skin haloed in flame, he didn't seem like anyone or any _thing_ Reno had ever seen before. Cloud was, in comparison, somehow made of something finer… something _pure_, holy… as if he wasn't quite human, or had origins in electricity and fire, a bright spirit-elemental composed of light, radiating even when surrounded.

'Okay… imagination running a _bit_ wild there…' Reno shrugged off the strangely poetic and dreaming mood with some difficulty, 'it's odd… though I can't say that was _entirely_ an exaggeration.' But still, his friend did seem almost to glow, strangely awesome and untouchable, and for a moment he was seeing the… _essence_ of Cloud, the aura of concentrated, flaring light, untapped potential and power flooding through and illuminating depthless eyes of clear ocean-turquoise. The sheer _brilliance_ caused him to close his eyes and turn away, eventually finding it impossible to continue looking, the otherworldly glare hurting his eyes, forcing him to shield them. Reno wondered why no one else seemed to have been affected, he expected Erek and Johnny to be shrinking away from the revealed glory.

'What…? That _light_, coming from Cloud. He's… … inhumanly beautiful, _transfigured_. So bright… aloof, untouchable, _unreachable_.' When Reno looked back up quickly, the scene had gone back to normal, as if it had only been a hallucination brought on by a combination of sleepiness and chemical imbalance from the cafeteria food.

Cloud was still standing, locked in a face-to-face confrontation with the bullies, eyes containing a distant, timeless quality about them, an almost unfocused look that saw without _taking_ things in, as he exorcised the ghosts or demons of his childhood memories. Then, Erek took an intrusive step forward, and Cloud's vision snapped sharply back into place, as he effortlessly drew on the cloak of ice-calm numbness that settled around his shoulders and wrapped around him, covering him in the safety of uncaring.

'I bet he thinks I'm schizophrenic,' Cloud thought with a mental laugh, which he tried not to let show on his face. It was only partially successful, as the effort not to smile had twisted the expression, turning or warping it into a slightly _sadistic_ smirk. He shifted to meet them, position sliding to a neutral stance that could easily become the attacking position, muscles relaxing, preparing to go into the half-crouch and lunge to start the fight.

Erek's complacency had been discarded quite a while ago, first by that ignominious defeat yesterday, and again now, due to the utter lack of fear in Cloud's reaction. There was something simply… _unnerving_ about the abrupt role reversal, and the way things had changed so rapidly. 'Everything's different… It's not the same, not like it was back home. Nibelheim..' he complained silently, a petulant whine at the twist of fate upon reaching Midgar. He was _not_ used to it, especially not used to _this_ Cloud, the one glaring at him and battle-ready.

'There are subtle alterations… okay, hell, big _hit-people-over-the-head_ type changes in the current situation,' Reno thought, grinning. He admired the way Cloud moved, full of languorous grace, the easy, lounging, unhurried stance of a predator, like a big cat, a panther or a tiger. The unsettling aura of danger lurking at the back of his eyes, a challenge and an eagerness to meet his opponent… Tensing, fingers flexing in anticipation, feet shifting, a prelude to practically _dancing_, ready to face-off in the deadly pace of death. Smirk widening, impatient defiance and a reckless disregard of personal safety, of his _life_, mixed with cool contempt…

'He reminds me… of _Sephiroth_?' Reno stared incredulously, either this was another facet of Cloud's personality manifesting, one he had not seen before, or the General had an incredibly powerful influence on his friend. It ended before it even began, the Nibelheim lot backing off nervously and Cloud resuming his seat, albeit with casual, purposely _obvious_ deliberation. The blond's gaze flickered past his opponents, glancing briefly to the sides of the room, a pointed reminder of their last _encounter_ with a pillar, a silent taunt that made Erek's blood boil as he seethed impotently at being unable to hurt and humiliate his "victim". However, cowardly though he might be, in spite of whatever else that could be said about Erek at that particular moment in time, he was no fool. He knew when he was beaten, and would _not_ court disaster by taking revenge. At least, not for _now_.

"Well, you won," Reno exclaimed cheerfully, slapping Cloud on the back, "he's gone for now, right?"

"Yeah," Cloud replied… but was that a note of _disappointment_ in his tone… …

Reno yawned, and idly watched Raven and another of his dormitory mates, the dark-haired Gavin bicker over something that _sounded_ trivial, but apparently was of the utmost importance to the both of them. The remaining recruits in the dining hall had been unceremoniously kicked out of their choice seats near the exit by a bunch of SOLDIERs who pulled rank and chased them off. Hence, the bulk of the recruits were now _outside_ the cafeteria, after grudgingly vacating their chairs. By some mutual consent, the entire group had drifted down the hallway, and gravitated towards an empty common room, that was mainly used during the day for meetings, but was now unoccupied and available, the perfect area for them to congregate. The training groups broke up into their clichés, going by age, hometown, or some secret shared interests. Reno, gregarious and extroverted by nature, moved easily around the room, socialising freely. Though some might find it peculiar, the general conversation of the teenaged boys turned from idle chatter to, of all things, _gossip_. Well, perhaps not so much gossip as bragging and whispered asides.

He vaguely wondered where Cloud had gone, the last time he had seen the younger boy was when they had left the cafeteria. His unmethodical search led him a completely random path, until his ears picked up a rather loud voice, and the broken snatches of words. Curiosity piqued, Reno took a slight detour, heading in the general direction of the largest group.

"Tell us more! C'mon." The encouragement of his eager audience spurred the speaker onto greater heights… or depths as the case might be. Nudging his way closer, avoiding stepping on other people's miscellaneous appendages, Reno noticed with disgust it was that brown-haired Nibelheim leader boasting to his cronies.

"Trying to boost his poor little punctured frail ego…" he muttered to no one in particular, it was obvious that Erek needed to restore his self-confidence with bluster and bravado after that second confrontation with Cloud. The topic of their conversation was typical, although quite unsavoury, especially at that "raging-hormones" stage, as they all seemed to be discussing their "pursuits" and "conquests", to put it delicately. _Unlike_ the crude way they were phrasing it now.

"There weren't many girls in Nibelheim, but that one girl…" Erek wolf-whistled appreciatively.

"Good, was she?" asked another, tone a mix between envious and voyeuristic.

Nodding sagely, Johnny gestured expansively, hands tracing out imaginary curves in the air in front of him. "Ve-ry nice. Tifa might be just 13, but she's definitely got it _all there_."

"What about the face?"

Erek paused, before replying, "I've got a picture, wanna see?" After some fumbling, he extricated his wallet from his back pocket and flipped it open to the photograph, then passed it around.

Reno took a cursory glance as it was passed around to eager hands, seeing a girl of average prettiness with long brown hair, but quite forgettable in looks, except for the all-too generous build, if you _liked_ that sort of thing, that is. Judging from the reactions, most did, except for Reno, who thought privately, 'I don't see what's _so_ incredible about her. That's supposed to be the _prettiest_ girl in the _entire_ town?' He smothered a grin at the truthful, but politically incorrect thought that entered his mind, 'Cloud looks _waaay_ more beautiful than that. Of course, he'd kill me if I told them that…'

"Of course, I wasn't _that_ interested in her _face_, if you get my meaning," Erek continued, leering suggestively.

At the knowing glances of the rest of the crowd, Johnny grinned and added "Tifa's a _damned_ good lay. Awfully easy too."

"Yeah, her dad thinks she's _so_ innocent and pure, but she's probably played around with the _entire_ neighbourhood since she was ten. Well, except for virgin-boy," Erek sneered in satisfaction, gaze turning to the side, and Reno turned to look as well, feeling a tinge of dread, like a strange premonition of trouble, at what he would see there.

On the outskirts of the now-silent group, but still within hearing distance, large blue eyes filled with disbelief and horror, Cloud stood, holding a paper cup half-filled with water, which explained his previous absence. Reno had the sudden image of innocence somehow being soiled, disillusioned, _tainted_. The priceless purity with which a child goes out into the world, in all innocence, but then eyes are opened clearly, _forced_ open, rather, to see the danger and hurt lurking outside the safety and sanctuary of one's own home. The exact feeling of uncertainty and desolation as your well-ordered world suddenly crashes down around you, and nothing is the same. By the expression on his face, and the absolute _stillness_ of his posture, it was painfully obvious that Cloud had been standing there in shocked silence for quite a while, long enough to have heard the entire conversation, perhaps. Erek smiled in triumph, gloating over the victory he had over his enemy. With a flash of insight blinding in it's clarity, Reno saw the whole thing as a massive set-up, a way for Erek to get back at Cloud for the latter's humiliation of the former. Then, the darkened, vulnerable blue eyes turned to him, or at least, in his direction, and Reno had to wince away from the emotion, akin to despairing sorrow, contained within.

"She was a really good fuck," Erek said callously, revelling in the opportunity to strike. At that last parting shot, and with the suddenly-concrete realisation dawning, Cloud's lost expression switched to a deep hurt. Reno felt a sharp stab of guilt, although he had no reason to, as if by simply being a part of the group he had betrayed his friend unconsciously, and could not face the unspoken, quiet accusation he read in that glance.

"Cloud…" Reno started forward, speaking tentatively, unsurely, hands reaching out to offer… offer what? An apology? Or comfort? He never got a chance to find out, as the emotionless mask shuttered off Cloud's face, and Reno was left grasping at air, as the blond turned and fled, dropped cup spilling water in place of the tears he would not cry.

Authors notes: (continued)

Sorry for leaving on such a cliffhanger, but I was in a hurry to finish before I left for vacation **AGAIN**, and I pretty much presumed you people would rather get this much than wait for the full part for another month. I really liked the last sentence, it may be egotistical of me, but I just enjoyed writing it.

1) Tifa's a bitch, isn't she? I always knew there was a reason why I instinctively hated her. (Knowing Shadows/Steph, fellow Tifa-bashers unite! I hope she experiences eternal torment in your next chapter… Mwahahahahaha)

2) Poor Cloud… but he doesn't really like her anyway. Sephiroth or Reno would be _glad_ to "comfort" him, though.

Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed. Please review… I need to know if there are still readers or if everyone basically lost interest.


	9. Flight:Drowning In Darkness

**F**orbidden** F**antasy:_ Soulmates_

**Fantasy's Flight**

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions.

NOTES: People, since the server now has a new format, please check for my story under "Sort By Update (Chaptered)".  I hope you know what to do, with all the "Sort by summary", "Sort by rating" stuff up...keep on reading, and _Review_ please. If you want the next chapter up _soon,_ well, Leave Feedback.

Pre-chapter background/author rant/prologue thingy:

… …the middle coffin shows signs of motion, and the lid slowly opens to reveal a black-haired, pale figure, with dark circles under her eyes due to lack of sleep. There are signs of stirring, and you see a faded, worn fic entitled "Forbidden Fantasy :Soulmates - Fantasy's Flight" clutched in hands folded across the cover. It is surprising that the author is alive. More surprising is the fact that the fic doesn't appear to be dead yet, after these long thirty years. (closer to ¾ of a year, but anyway…)

"Why have you disturbed my slumber? My soul suffers under a burden of guilt and my dreams are plagued with the need to atone for my sin," she demands.

The blond ex-SOLDIER smiles apologetically, and replies, "sorry, Nemesis. I know you're going to have exams throughout the next month, so you've been trying to catch up on your sleep ~and~ study, but we've got to remind you that it's been about 8 or 9 months since the last post."

His tall, silver-haired lover materialises by his side, wrapping an arm slightly possessively around his waist. Sephiroth adds in, "yeah, and I'm sick of being stuck in limbo at Kalm. Can't you hurry up a little?"

Nemesis blinks, starts counting the dates, goes back to check the calendar, and the screaming of some reviewers… "Oops. I believe you're right. Hey? I didn't realise I hit the 100 mark! ^^;; Let's check out some of those…"

… … Later, after much time, and (admittedly well-deserved) much screaming/assorted physical "encouragement"… …

"Ouch! This is going a ~bit~ far… …"

Wincing from the sensation of a well-placed boot on the rear, as well as the random author abuse, and grumbling half-heartedly all the way, she drags herself out from hibernation to revive the story by casting a "Life2" on it. As Nemesis works on it, a low mutter can be heard in the background, "… …good. I finally get my bed back."

Warnings for this chapter

1) Apologies for the awfully long wait you had. I really didn't think it was already 9 months and whatever days until someone pointed that out to me. Eheheheh… *sheepish* In mitigation, I plead having to go through pre-university entrance exams in about 2 months, and my preliminary exams have ~already~ started, as of this week.

2)This is going to be a loooong chapter. It's easily 1 ½ times the size of my longest so far, and I've been writing on an on-off basis, so you might have rather erratic style changes as a few weeks may have passed in between portions. Then again, about the entire back half was written after one of my Science practical exams, because I decided to blow off studying, so I can't say very much about my coherence at that point in time. Oh, and I'm throwing Cloud in a thick mire of angst, angst and more angst because I'm working mine out. Call it transference of suffering across writer's craft, since I just got my results for my Second (or non-English) Language Paper and those were awfully disappointing. At least the end angst should be realistic, because it ~was~ a real mood. Unless I'm always over-reacting and usually a depressive person by nature.

3) The title: "Drowning in Darkness" seemed to be appropriate in this case considering that firstly, it starts almost with crying and does end in tears, and there's a constant repetition of themes of "fluid" or "water" throughout. The "Darkness" is for all the angsty, depressively morbid bits. Add both together and you have poor Cloud tormented by horrible author nightmares, dumped into a hell of a lot of pain, and dragged through dark Nibelheim flashbacks (you know how bad ~those~ get.) As said before, _I was in a really non-happy mood, and I tend to identify with and "merge" unnervingly easily into Cloud-persona, which means __he gets to feel whatever I feel, since it "transfers" over._

4) BAAAD Nibelheim. With Tifa. But… um… she's nice to Cloud? (in a very weird, twisted way.) Evil minor villain + sidekick/henchman involved, nasty villagers, etc, etc. Just your typically dysfunctional childhood if you happen to be a normal, slightly emotionally screwed, pretty-boy Squaresoft hero.

5) Just like to thank JY and Kiyoshi for putting up with "demented butterflies" (cough.) JY, for putting with my rather "self-indulgent" style, especially at the start, (Read: indulging in massively detailed angst-ness), especially considering she doesn't _like yaoi. But most of all, to K for reading through the entire thing in spite of all the beta-ing having to be done in the mornings of the Chemistry and English examinations. (More guilt added on my shoulders if she fails… must atone…)._

6) Special mention goes to Nicky, for the long email correspondence and the random flashes of inspiration thrown about at 2 am in the morning. For hanging on through months of strange psychotic behaviour, thought spillage and general weirdness. (… and hot chocolate that she doesn't like to melt marshmallows in, so the two items come in separate trays^^)

7) There's a whole long list of other people I should mention, namely all you nice reviewers out there, who hopefully haven't lost heart quite yet, although I know I've given you more than enough reason. But I'll have to do that as well as other explanations/footnotes at the end, since I'm sure you're eager for me to cut the crap and get on with this. Be warned, I'm still rusty, and my "writing muscle" probably atrophied. (Forgive me… ^^) 

I didn't realise I have a grand total of … … 113 reviews. O.o. And some reviewers are persisting 5?6? months after the last post. (Gomen, gomen. You're faith has been repaid^^) I'll do a proper "Academy Awards" Acknowledgement speech later, to recognise as many of the people I owe this to as I can, so be patient and read to the end, please?

For Cloud Strife, because I love him. Because it's going to be the 2 year anniversary this year, and we're past the 1 year mark since I first posted on ffnet.

" " Normal speech

' ' Thoughts

_italics_Emphasis

~ ~ Mental speech/ Telepathy

// // Flashback

**Chapter 9**

**Drowning In Darkness**

//Light paper cup dropping from nerveless fingers, to crumple at the impact of colliding on the hard stone floor. _Dropping… falling… crumpling…//_

Illusions, falling, shattering, _dying, each piece of dream a broken fragment, fragile hopes plunging to crash on the unyielding reality. __Run,__ run away before it crashes down on you._

//The water spilling in its graceful arc, each individual drop catching the light, reflecting it in one shimmering moment, throwing up a dizzying, blurring vision before pooling on the floor.//

Liquid wetness seeping impartially into skin and fabric alike, leaving traces of its flow, of its lingering caress on warm skin, cool tracks of a slow path down. The liquid glistened on surfaces, coating them, marking them slippery, spray of water reminiscent of rain… _Weeping._

//_Dropped cup spilling water in place of the tears… tears he would not cry.//_

He would not cry. He _would not. Not in front of them, not in front of __anyone, not ever again. Pride demanded it so. Tears were a symbol of vulnerability, displaying weakness that he could not afford to show. __Emotions were a weakness he could not afford to __have. But he still did have them, and it __hurt…_

//Reno standing with _them. Together, all of them, an exclusive bunch united against the outsider. Solidarity against the outcast. Then later, just a short while later… __Betrayal.//_

//Grey eyes silvered with strong emotion, red hair in its usual disarray, hands reaching out to him, offering… Twisting away, evading the too-close presence, blindly breaking free of the stifling crowd, into the safety of solitude.//

Eyes burning, as the smart of hurt anger caused shameful moisture to gather at the corners of his eyes, misting his sight, before he blinked rapidly to hold back the onslaught of tears. 'I don't want his pity.' Cloud's mind recoiled from the thought, helplessly circling in a loop of _betrayal-hurt-anger-fear-pride, rejecting any misguided, unwanted sympathy. It hurt, stinging his already wounded self-esteem, to know that he had fallen into another trap, caught in a moment of extreme weakness, to be exposed, torn apart internally for the vultures to savage the remains. Each lost dream, every illusion, now shattered fragments, razor-sharp shards cutting into already bleeding skin, jagged splinters of past hopes embedding themselves into fresh wounds. He relentlessly brought them up individually, again and again, memories tearing into childish naiveté, masochistic in his deliberate attempt to kill off __any remnants of foolish dreams, by the ripping away of innocence, wounding psyche with the cold truth._

'No one will be able to hurt me more than myself…'

Cloud choked back a laugh at the ironically funny thought, it made no sense at all, but was logical in a really _twisted way. 'All I have to do to not get hurt anymore is to wound myself __worse than anyone ever could, or ever will… Every lesser level of pain can be tolerated if I am tortured by torments of my __own devising. I won't feel __anything they inflict on me if I overwhelm my system with the limits of pain…' Sobering quickly, he wondered how he could seriously consider such actions._

"Yeah, why don't I just end it all by jumping off a cliff, might as well carry that idea to its extreme," he remarked aloud to the darkness of his dormitory room, surprised at how mocking and tight his voice sounded. He could not recall his journey back, it was _amazing he had even managed to concentrate through the turmoil of emotions, to find his way back safely, feet instinctively heading for refuge in unseeing escape. _

//_Physical feet soundlessly treading, racing through the grey ShinRa corridors, while mentally traversing invisible paths in unthinking flight… An echo of previous thoughts, '__run away… before everything falls apart and __crashes down on you… Run, __flee, before __they catch up.' But even as he fled, he knew that it was merely on exercise in futility. 'Run before memories and __emotions catch up… run from yourself…' His mind would always catch up to him eventually.//_

Shuddering, as if to physically drag his thoughts away from such matters, he shifted on his bunk, drawing closer to the wall, as if hoping to gain succour or support from the inanimate object. The whispered refrain… '_to__ not feel injuries from others… only __yourself, origin of pain, source of emotion from you alone…' Cloud vocalized it in one shaky breath, "that can't be right… To hurt myself worse than anyone can hurt me… so I don't __feel anymore…"_

'It shouldn't be right,' his mind cried out against the uncertainty, but the protest died mutely in blue eyes flickering with confusion. '_Numb to wounds inflicted, pain a familiar recurrence, not hurt anymore… save by __yourself. All it requires is that no one can hurt you, except you. __Always you.' Stubbornly holding to a waning torch of clarity, resolution reduced to a wordless repetition…_

'No. It's not right. _No.' Cloud curled in on himself, wrapping his arms around his now-drawn-up legs, firmly shutting his eyes and pressing his face against bent knees, sitting with his back against the reassuring solidness of the wall. 'But I'm doing it __now, aren't I? Tormenting myself far more than any other could…'_

Chest tight and aching, throat constricted, unable to form words, or even sound, sparks of a fierce pride holding him back from crying. 'But at least it's better than the _alternative… _

Isn't it? …'

*** *** *** ***

As far back as he could remember, the pain had always been there, as much a part of him as his blood, residing just under the thin surface layer of skin, threading through the fibres of nerves, woven into contours of muscle, embedded in the core of his bones. The pain, inevitably tied in with a dim sense of _strangeness, of not-belonging. Even at three, when he entered for the first time into Nibelheim, there was a struggling awareness of being different, foreign to the quiet pattern and set ways of village life, alien to the normal routine of society. And it all had something to do with their displacement from a home he could now no longer recall, except in vague terms of warmth and peace; their hurried rush, almost frantic escape, and subsequent arrival at the mountain town. The journey there had been endless, at least to a child who could not measure time, or distance, travelling, __running away for so long that it seemed to be the only life he had known then. But quickly forgotten, with only traces left, memories of shadowed darkness, stumbling over uneven slopes, and the unsteady rocking of a ship amidst wind-tossed waves._

He could not comprehend then, the reasons for the move, only understanding that it something to do with the inexplicable sense of loss, the sadness in his mother's eyes as she hugged him close; and the faded, tear-blurred photograph of a missing man with dark brown hair and serious, patient eyes, known only as 'Father'. The absence, of that once-familiar face, was the reason behind the constant pain in his mother's expression, and the factor that fuelled the hushed, whispered speculation, the murmur of gossip behind their backs, accompanied by the sidelong glances, and sly remarks.

//"Is that the child?"

"I can't believe his mother _dares to show her face in public!"_

"How can we let our children associate with such bad examples?"

"Woman probably shamed the family reputation, that's why she had to run _here with the kid. And no husband!"_

"Widowed… a likely story…"//

There was no chance for them to integrate into the town, not for a single mother, no hope to fit into the close-knit village life, where everything was an open secret in that insular, isolated town, considering her obvious "city" air, and complete lack of a settled partner.

//"Nothing, not even a marriage certificate, just an old picture of some man, the so-called husband," they sneered, "ex-lover, or one-night-stand, more like."//

Acceptance completely withheld by all quarters of society, there was not place for a non-conventional family unit, for a father-less home in conservative Nibelheim. Not even for the child. Especially not for Cloud.

*** *** *** ***

//It was a typical weekday at Nibelheim, parents either busy in the small shops, creating objects for sale at one of the larger towns down the mountain, or at home, completing the daily chores. The town, just slightly above the level of a village, was situated partway up the Nibel Mountains, but still near the base of these continuous slopes. There was only a rough trail, barely wide enough for a vehicle to pass through, which wound down to the base of the mountain, linking them to the main route to Cosmo Canyon. By virtue of the fact that ShinRa had built a reactor on Mt Nibel, the town had been constructed, with locals gathering near the source of their Mako power, creating a populated area to engage in commerce and minor trade. Although they had an elected mayor, Mayor Lockheart, complete authority lay in ShinRa hands, with the expansive ShinRa mansion a testimony to the _real power. It was in such a place that the children played, under the indulgent eyes of tolerant adults._

They had formed a circle, grouping expectantly around their "leaders", waiting for instructions on what to play next. Even at that age, the children instinctively knew where the power lay. Tifa Lockheart, Mayor's daughter, a dark-haired girl with curiously rose-tinted eyes, looked at two younger copies of Erek Mollina and Johnny Brooke. 

"What do you wanna do next?" she asked, seemingly directed to the entire bunch, but in reality, turning to the duo next to her. Red-headed Johnny glanced up briefly, pale greenish eyes darting quickly towards Erek's face, waiting for the decision to be made before voicing his automatic support.

Erek frowned thoughtfully, brushing tendrils of damp brown hair away from his eyes, making a big show of deciding. He enjoyed it, enjoyed the fact that others looked to him, as if waiting with bated breath for his command, revelling in the fact he was the unquestioned leader due to his age advantage and superior size. Most were one, if not two years younger, easily persuaded to another's point-of-view, particularly if the other had over a year's height on them. The only one he did not try to bully was the Mayor's daughter, due to her position, and the important difference in gender. So he waited, keeping them all in suspense for moments longer, secure in the knowledge he had their full and undivided attention.

Cloud moved at the outskirts of the town centre, not daring to venture any further, fearful of overstepping the invisible boundaries and barriers which were always in place, yet unable to be seen or predicted, always unknowingly breaking some rule, making some misstep that led to the sharp reprimand and full wrath of an adult upon his head. He had seen the others playing before, private games filled with shared laughter and activity that he could only dream of joining, of being a part of that exclusive group. He had lived in the town several years, yet somehow had never managed to find his way into the society, place-less, unable to fit in.

Quiet by nature, unwilling to push himself forward, the self-contained expression concealed loneliness and a deep pain, unnoticed by all including Cloud himself. Unnoticed, save by his mother. She would always ask if he had found a friend, face falling in disappointment on his behalf at his continual response in the negative; there to comfort and listen and soothe the seven-year-old, an unchanging security in his life, her mere presence making everything seem bearable. But sometimes, even that failed.

'I tried to make friends, I really did… Why doesn't anyone want to let me join in? I didn't ask to be alone.'

The crowd of children was getting slightly restless, impatient with the wait, and some at the fringes were preparing to break off, interest wandering as the "leader" remained indecisive. Erek shifted uncomfortably as he tried to think of something new, something to recapture his hold over the gathered kids. It was at this unfortunate moment that Cloud chose to make his entrance.

Taking a few steps closer, hesitant, yet unwilling to hold back any longer, Cloud cautiously approached the others, insides twisting with nervousness, breaking the focus with a painfully shy, polite voice.

"Hi. May I join?"

Tifa gazed curiously at the blond, hair already showing the beginnings of unruly spikes, staring into unusual, clear eyes of bright sapphire blue. His posture was conflicted, uncertainly waiting for approval, expecting rejection; poised for flight, in that instant of time like a deer caught paralysed by the sweeping headlight of an oncoming car.

It was almost with relief that Erek turned savagely on the intruder, angered that should _dare break the established order, interrupt his train of thought. "No. Go 'way! We don't want you here." With that, he noted in self-satisfaction that the rest were __with him now, distracted from their restlessness by the prospect of someone to bond together against. He was even more self-assured when he saw it was the "newcomer", the strange boy with the different background, the one who was an outsider; and most importantly, without the benefit of a father to run to for protection. That knowledge, as well as his advantage of three extra years of growth, increased his sense of security while taunting Cloud._

"My mom tol' me not t' play with you, she said that you're not fit to play with, 'cos… oh yeah, you don't have a _Daddy! So push off!" Erek jeered, childishly cruel words accompanied by vigorous action. Stumbling backwards, landing awkwardly on the ground behind, the hard rocks bruising, sharp gravel embedding into tiny cuts on bare skin due to the force of the shove; Cloud turned his head to stare at the ground, breathing heavily. The beginnings of tears stung the corner of darkened blue eyes as he fought back crying, not from physical pain, but from the hurt of rejection, salt rubbed in old wounds of loneliness. Glancing up in spite of himself, he saw their departing backs, brown hair streaked with lighter strands, and red-copper hair flaming in the sunlight. Tifa was holding back slightly, meeting his gaze with eyes filled with confusion, and… pity? Then she too, turned away, leaving the blond alone with himself and his hurt.//_

//"Where's your father? You don't have one, do you, boy?"//

//"My mom said you don't have a dad."//

//"You aren't like me. I've got a _family."//_

It was always the same refrain, the same old phrases and the same contempt, as if it were all his fault somehow, that his mere presence was an offence if he existed without a "complete" family unit, with the absence of a father. From the quiet mutters and audible "tsk-ing" of adults, to the copycat, blind imitation of their children, parroting their elders and leaders, unanimously against him. So, he learned to cope with him, deal with the words, to tolerate the daily pain that eventually became a part of him. And to live with the shame.

*** *** *** ***

//Again, another memory surfacing unbidden from the bottommost recesses of the dark pool of memory; this time of a Nibelheim almost five years later, with a much-altered scenery due to the impending winter, trees now bearing crisp autumn-gold leaves clinging on desperately to branches before they were swirled off to further cover the ground already blanketed in an ankle-high layer of the dry, red-brown fallen leaves. The slightest chill in the air promised a snowy winter, even if its advent was still a week or two away.

Cushioned by the soft grass and leaf piles, leaning against the old stone well, it was a more mature, grown boy who studiously contemplated his books. With the twelve-year-old on the border of restless teenage years, the differences were instantly apparent, as both mentally and physically, Cloud had changed much. However, the town, and its inhabitants, still _had not. The attitudes were still there, perhaps more obvious now, open sneers and deep resentment at his continued presence, disappointed that the normal childhood repertoire of illnesses and careless accidents had not managed to finish off the fragile-looking child. It had been taken to such extremes that his entire existence was almost a sin to them, and Cloud took obscure pride and delight in flaunting his survival in their sour faces._

Prolonging that survival meant avoiding confrontation, in which he had learnt expertise very fast, right to the point of being antisocial and shunning _all company. Loneliness was not a forced punishment, or a last resort, but rather, an option embraced unreservedly, with the self-enforced solitude much preferred to the childish babble of others playing. At his mother's urging, Cloud had made a few more half-hearted attempts to join in, but one these had been ignored or refused, he had retreated back into his shell with an acquiescence approaching relief._

This cool afternoon, he was engrossed in a favourite pastime, hiding in the shade of the old well, while lost in a book. The rapt attention was broken by a disruption in the alternating silence and natural music of insects and birdsong, alerted by the sound of approaching footsteps on the stone path, and he turned to face the source of the noise, lines of his muscles stretched taut by quivering tension.

Tifa advanced along the old stone and gravel trail, feeling slightly miffed at how the day was going so far. It had _started well enough, but after lunch, the two boys who were constantly hovering around her in the hopes of gaining her favour had started to argue. The not-so friendly competition had soon degenerated into an all-out fistfight, with both combatants focussed on beating the crap out of each other to the exclusion of all else, so wrapped up in argument that they forgot her, and she had left in disgust. Pouting darkly, vowing to pay both the boys back for the neglect by ignoring them for the next decade or so, the eleven-year-old stormed away from the town to the neared quiet spot she could find. It was in that black mood that she chanced upon Cloud._

"Oh! Hello," Tifa smiled, getting over her initial surprise that there was anyone else up on the supposedly-deserted mountainside.

"Hi," Cloud replied, albeit a trifle grudgingly, lowering the protective mask of his book, wary sapphire-blue eyes glancing above the rather age-battered cover, but not releasing his tight grasp on it completely, ready at a moments notice to raise the heavy leather-bound paper barrier, and retreat once again into the silent, secure world of fixed patterns of ink. Immutable and constant, the trail of letters across the page was reassuringly unchanging and dependable, which was more than could be said for the moods of other people. Especially that of the rather flighty girl standing before him now.

He had _tried to associate with the younger child before, shortly after the first attempt to integrate, partly from the memory of that one look, which if not sympathetic, was at least not hostile. As she was popular, due to the fortunate coincidence of birth, being both pretty and the mayor's daughter, Cloud had hoped his battle for acceptance would be won if she had "befriended" him, but all attempts at establishing any link had been rebuffed, more often than not because he failed to get through the exclusive coterie of her clique and hangers-on. There had been no one brave enough to go against the opinion held by the masses, no one willing to risk associating with the "outcast". So it was with hesitation, nervousness and slight suspicion that he responded, ready to dive back into the shelter of printed pages._

Tifa liberally bestowed her array of winning smiles and bright-eyed glances, pleased to notice that the quiet boy had finally been drawn into a conversation, though he still sounded somewhat uncertain, voice possessing a tentative quality, as if he was using it for the first time, testing out social skills raw from lack of practice. The combination of gauche naiveté and shy, polite mannerisms, as well as the added novelty of the different, "new" personality, lent him the peculiar attractiveness of the unknown, with his awkwardness strangely charming. 

Her sense of satisfaction reached a triumphant pitch as Cloud's grip on his book weakened, at last relinquishing his hold on it to close the covers and place it to the side, relaxing his guard to devote full attention to her. 'Well, _finally.' Tifa decided that she __did like the short ponytail, it was awfully cute on him. All things considered, it was going pretty well, and her day was looking up after that morning's miserable start._

"So, Cloud, what is that thick book you're reading?" she asked, taking the opportunity to lean dangerously closer, ostentatiously to get a better look.

"It's just one of the texts I'm using for self-study… Um, it's nothing, really." On his part, Cloud was torn between surprise at the sudden interest taken in him, and embarrassment that he had, once again, been caught reading, or rather, _studying, an occupation deemed "impractical" by Nibelheim society's worthies, the general consensus being that academic ability could not match up to physical strength and achievement, an aspect he failed dismally in, with his slight frame in comparison to the more heavy-set build typical of the area._

It was all very confusing, with the inexplicable and undreamed-of friendliness shown, the abrupt reversal of attitude too fast to reconcile conflicting emotions, leaving him to struggle through implicit social norms and rules for mixing with other people that he never actually had need of before. He _supposed he should feel… __something, at least an emotion vaguely along the lines of pride, or pleasure in another's company, but somehow… All he could manage was mild curiosity mixed with a growing sense of alarm at the narrowing distance between them. _

Cloud shifted slightly, uncomfortable with the proximity, then covered up his uneasy, instinctive backing away by pretending to retrieve the book, removing Tifa's excuse to bend over to scrutinize the object in question. He was not exactly sure _when the brunette had seated herself right next to him, tilting perilously over his lap, so that the top of her head was mere millimetres below his mouth, and the loose strands of long, dark hair brushed against his bare arms and neck. In a ticklish, skin-prickling, downright __scary way. Cloud forced himself to suppress a reflexive shudder as they started twining around, ominously clinging to every available surface, crawling over sensitised skin._

Tifa returned to her original upright posture, oblivious to the fact that her companion was breathing a sigh of relief as her… _presence was retreating to a less invasive, more tolerable distance. As the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach grew, with the sensation of hundreds of demented butterflies flapping madly around within, much in the self-same free-flying fashion as the wispy brown tendrils escaping the tied-on ribbons to drift over skin recoiling from the contact, Cloud fought the irrational urge to scramble up and __bolt._

His current predicament would _not last long. Another set of approaching footsteps was heard, and Cloud turned to face the source, intensely relieved at the distraction, and potential salvation. 'Two visitors in one day. I never knew my retreat was going to become a hot tourist attraction…' he thought, undecided whether to be annoyed or resigned to the frequency of these interruptions. 'Oh __joy. Just what I need right now. This is __so not my day.'_

Looming imposingly ahead was an all-too-familiar dark, muscled figure. Erek ignored Cloud, focussing instead on Tifa, saying in a placatory tone, "Teef, I'm sorry about the fighting earlier. Now will you come back down where you belong? We've been looking for you."

At that, the girl scowled, not liking either the imperious look, or the thinly veiled command implicit in his voice. Instead, her hand reached out to latch onto the surprised blond's arm, as she glared back, intoxicated from the "high" of defiance and the giddy thrill of the forbidden, dizzied by the half-guilty, heady rush from indulging in something denied. Face darkening, or rather, flushing to a swirled-purplish-red akin to that of a beet, Erek tried again to persuade the suddenly wilful and stubborn brunette. Cloud was almost comforted by the tight grip on his elbow; the sensation of not being alone, of having someone to stand up together with was reassuring.

"Even if you're mad at me, you shouldn't be hanging out with _him!" Truly angry now, the teenager unused to anything but complete obedience, Erek's spiteful words were designed to remind all parties involved of the social hierarchy._

"It's true," piped up the thin redheaded Johnny, materialising to appear at Erek's side, invariably shadowing the fifteen-year-old "leader". "I saw them together this afternoon, which is why I went off to tell ya, buddy," Johnny snickered nervously, eyes bright at the prospect of a conflict. Erek motioned him to be silent, impatiently shouldering past on the narrow path to get closer to Tifa.

'Why do I have this feeling that I'm caught in some territorial alpha-male ritual show of dominance?' The caustic thought leapt unbidden to Cloud's mind, 'then the alpha-male starts flexing his muscles "impressively", while the little sycophant cheers from the sidelines.' Feeling out of place, and having a very bad omen of what was to come, Cloud tried to disengage himself from any encumbrance. 'I knew she was going to be a hindrance. Think I'll need both hands free for this.' Suspicions proved horribly right a few adrenaline-speeded-up heartbeats later, Cloud braced himself for the inevitable as Erek gestured warningly, fists clenching. '…And the lead gorilla prepares to intimidate his opponent into submission, using a show of brute force to drive away the interloper. Namely, _me.'_

"Get away from here," Erek directed, half in a snarl, and the brave, courageous resolution on Tifa's face melted rapidly, to be replaced by shock and alarm, disbelieving that anyone would _dare take that tone with her. At his heavy advance, she abruptly turned and fled, back to the safety of the town, presumably to resort to adult help. Which was the last thing Cloud could count on right now._

Erek's initial anger had been replaced with a cold, calculating fury, _needing to put down this challenge to his previously unquestioned leadership, restore some modicum of dignity and self-pride. It just would not do to have __another circle set up, especially one which centred on anything other than __him. He eyed the blond distrustfully, the one who made him feel uneasy, not because of any outright opposition to his authority, but instinctive dislike for an unknown quality, an unpredictable element._

Cloud suppressed a pained sigh as he knew Erek was going to do something to regain his "power", at least as _he saw it, though physical, and likely very painful means. 'He's __afraid,' Cloud realised, the sudden flash of insight startling in its stark clarity. 'Not of me, exactly, but of what I represent… … change, the unfamiliar. A deviant from the accepted, __normal patterns, disruptive because I don't fit in, don't __try to fit in.' Ironical, really, when he had given up trying due to repeated failures. 'He __needs to have people desperately following, so he can sneer and push them away, or condescendingly allow them to fawn over him. That's why he keeps Johnny tagging along, tolerating his presence out of "magnanimity". …Heh. Knowledge __is empowering.' Bittersweet, as it also came with the truth that despite the revelation, nothing would alter the balance. 'I can make all the mental observations, and tear him into pieces to be analysed, but it won't end up any different.' A dispassionate judgement would be enough to reveal the uselessness of trying to fight back, disadvantaged in terms of years, and handicapped by numbers. _

"What's the matter, _newcomer?" Johnny taunted, grin vicious and tone smugly superior. It hurt, the constant reminder that regardless of all the nine years of living in Nibelheim, of practically the earliest memories being of the town, he was still considered foreign, not a welcome part of society. Yet he had to ignore the sting of the words, quietly take all the insults dealt out casually, to avoid worsening the situation. No matter how the jeers rankled, how it galled him to have to stand there mutely, good sense urged him down the path of reason, offering himself unresistingly to fate, though every cell within him rebelled against the show of cowardice, haunted by the self-screamed accusations of weakness each time he walked away._

'Too _bloody pathetic to even try and fight back… … Just weak, defenceless, __useless!' The nagging inner voice, filled with self-doubt, sounded again, '…and exactly __how are you going to be the next Sephiroth if you can't even stand up to the small-town bully? Might as well give up on those foolish dreams. That's all they are. __Dreams.'_

Turning submissively away, eyes downcast instead of meeting the gaze of either of his two tormentors, Cloud started a cautious retreat down towards the town, thought the motion was stiff as his body reflected his mind's reluctance to pursue the course of so-called "logic" in putting up this farcical attitude of defeat. He would force himself to grit his teeth and bear it though, as long as this humbling of himself and ruthless sacrifice of his pride worked in appeasing Erek, thus enabling him to leave relatively unscathed, escaping more or less intact. Except for his self-esteem of course, which was now suicidally suggesting that he stand up for once, and just _try to get in a few fast blows and deal some reasonable damage __before he got permanently incapacitated._

'I must be _insane to be even entertaining such an idea. There is some vaguely dramatic, "tragic-hero" type appeal, almost something __heroic in dying with honour… … But I'd rather __not die at all, thank you oh-so-very much. At least not if I can help it.' It seemed to be working thus far, he was pleased to note, with his passive, non-confrontational approach satisfying Erek. Unfortunately, Johnny decided that it was not going to be as enjoyable a fight if they let the victim simply back away, faced with losing the prospect of an easy, profitably-spent afternoon. Taking matters into his own hands, he strutted forwards to stand directly in Cloud's path, blocking the route to safety._

"Where d'you think _yer going?" the redhead sneered in his thick Nibelheim accent, thrusting his face into Cloud's line of vision, the words more of a statement than an actual question, purely rhetorical. Silent, despite what it cost him not to speak up, to accept, endure all that was thrown at him instead of flinging his defiance in their teeth; the blond merely stepped to the side, intent on avoidance. Irritated at the lack of response, Johnny deliberately mirrored his movement, blocking the path yet again. He chafed against the restraints of "civilisation", obligated to at least have the faintest shadow of an excuse __before blows were traded. In spite of his repeated attempts, no reaction met the provocation, Cloud offering no resistance whatsoever; with Erek's face taking on a superior, bored expression as the sport became too easy, tiring of the "game". Johnny grew more and more exasperated, as the humiliation of being embarrassed like __this in front of his leader burned in face now approaching the tint of his hair._

The humble pose was somehow a sign of strength, not of weakness, present giving-in a pretence, a sham, just a ploy. Smiling inside, though not showing it, Cloud took a grim satisfaction in the futile efforts of the teenager, no, still a _boy, in terms of mental and emotional maturity, or rather, __immaturity; that he could change the situation, reverse the roles so this __child was losing whatever slim grasp he had on his hope for control. 'You are only able to do this to me because I __choose to allow you to. Nothing more. The only power you have is what I __let you hold over me. …And that irks you, doesn't it?'_

Frustration mounting, seething at the lowered gaze that was indescribably mocking, feeling paranoid suspicion of secret, defiant amusement veiled by long eyelashes, Johnny finally made his move, out of anger, frustration, and out of fear.

He slapped Cloud.

The blond looked up, expression reflecting sheer amazement, eyes wide not from the shock of the pain across his cheek, but at the "blow". It was a _slap, an open-palmed, spurned-lover-jealous-female variety, the "bitch-slap" which stung like hell for a while and left flaring red finger marks on one's face. Certainly __not the hard, brutal clenched fist he expected, was __used to; it was completely __removed from the above category. 'This was what I was afraid of? I've been through so much worse, and I'm running from __him? Heh. It's quite pathetic actually, even sad. So… dare I say it? __Not masculine.'_

Johnny waited, certain that the chastisement had been soundly delivered; but in the pause which followed, the silence was broken by the clear tones of laughter. Laughter, purely amused and unforced, easy and incredulous, even if that loosening of self-control was but for a brief span of seconds. He stared at the younger boy in disbelief, initial confidence abruptly shattered by the now-open disdain before him now, the barely-concealed scorn in the slight curve of lips into a half-smile-smirk, mirroring the derision in Erek's sneer.

Desperately turning to the fifteen-year-old for support, to help extricate him from this bully-victim encounter that had gone inexplicably awry, Johnny looked to Erek to save him from this predicament. 'It isn't _supposed to end like this, dammit!' His unvoiced plea, begging for advice, for sympathy, withered in the face of the brown-eyed, remote glance that flickered over him briefly, then looked away dismissively, finding him worthy of no interest, undeserving of attention, undeserving of anything save contempt. As he crumbled under the weight of disapproval, Johnny shrank from the wordless disgust on his respected leader's face, skin's pallor serving as a stark contrast to the dusting of freckles across his nose; paleness extending even up to his forehead, showing up against the roots of deep red hair._

Cloud could almost feel sorry for him, as he groped vainly for understanding, searched for a respite from the ridicule. 'He's not going to receive any help. Erek despises weakness, only feels contempt for those under him, even while he accepts their blind following. It's enough to make one _pity him… but he __knew what he was getting into, knows what Erek is like, and that he shouldn't expect anything else… It __is stupid; stupid, foolish behaviour, all so very immature and __childish. Yet, who else could he learn from? The entire __environment of Nibelheim is like that, even the adults behave much in the same way, just grown-up versions of children jostling for power, only now it's based on wealth, or ranking… So why am I any different?'_

Perhaps it was that pity, the last straw, more so than the scorn, than anything else, the _unbearable pity, the absolute __gall that the blond, … that the Nibelheim __outcast had the __nerve to rub his disgrace into his face by condescendingly looking __sorry for him; which caused Johnny to finally snap. The combination of instantaneous rage, long-held personal grudge, as well as frustration at not being able to vent his emotions on the true subject, led him to lash out viciously at the nearest available target. Like a wounded animal, backed into a corner, he struck where it would do the most damage, where it would hurt the most._

"Fatherless _bastard!"_

The snarled words caused Cloud to freeze, mid-step, just as he had been about to turn and head for home.  Johnny grinned fiercely, breath coming in quick, angry pants, adrenaline mixed with hatred in a potent brew, spilling over into those pale, sickly yellow-green eyes made even more colourless due to the leaching of hue by the acid flow of venom. He had never used the words quite like so before, although the basic meaning was whispered by adults in euphemistic, innuendo-filled terms, but never directly hurled with that much accusatory spite. The phrase, heard, remembered, and carefully stored up, waiting to be unleashed with all the emotional devastation of a sharp weapon blade to the heart, kept in reserve to succeed, when previously, all else had not. "Did you hear me? Bastard, illegitimate, not fit to associate with decent, normal children," taunted Johnny, reciting the litany in an almost sing-song manner, victory now certain with his victim's weak spot located.

The cold, distant mask had settled back over fine, proud features, ice-blue eyes flickering warningly, the only motion in a face otherwise set in stone. Erek noticed the subtle change, even as his less-experienced "partner" did not, being less wise in the ways of cunning, of holding on to leadership by any means. The grudging respect he had felt for the blond, at the younger boy's laughing reaction in the face of Johnny's ineffectual "sissy-ness", was shifted in another dimension, that of feeling he could prove potentially dangerous, a source of unexpected rebellion and defiance. He could detect and recognise all the signs, the individual hints that added pieces to the larger picture, of this being a possible challenger, a loner who held his ground in opposition to Erek's "rule", albeit not in immediate future. Still, given time, the situation could become confrontational, lead to conflict, as there was just _something unnerving about the blond, __alien to the normal routine, a deviation in the order, chaotic flux going by the name of one Cloud Strife._

'Best to put it down now, break his spirit, kill the only threat while he's unable to fight back. Even _Johnny, who's supposedly the second ringleader of the group doesn't give as much cause for fear as him. Johnny's too spineless…' So it was with this deliberate plan in mind that Erek added his own direction to the insults, casually re-honing the edge of the verbal knife._

"Don't forget, he's just the kid of a prostitute and her man of the hour. Son of a _whore." He watched in satisfaction as it hit, right on target, deep turquoise eyes shading into stormy blue and narrowing in anger. As the hate-filled glare was re-directed at him, Erek was slightly taken aback by the __intensity of the fury within the pupils. 'Not a moment too soon. Thank goodness I'll get this out of the way __now. Midgar __knows what he'll be like if this dragged on for a few years.'_

"Grab him," he directed Johnny shortly, who had faltered momentarily at the blazing eyes. "He ain't got no father, you moron, no one's going to make a fuss if he gets roughed up!" All too soon, it had degenerated into a mindless repetition of the usual proceedings, Cloud outnumbered, disadvantaged, with no way of blocking, let alone returning, the flurry of punches and kicks, the rain of blows and blood that eventually merged into a bright red haze of pain. Later, it would all be forgotten, the warning hint of passionate defiance lurking under the quiet exterior, the first open contemptuousness at the weak slap, the emotion-laden gaze filled with raw, burning rage; forgotten amidst the sweet taste of success from their victory over the semi-conscious, limp figure at their feet. Johnny would let fade the memory of the dispassionate, scornful indifference to the pain, preternatural glow in empty, cold azure eyes; while Erek's unease would subside and be buried under, not remembering how the icy, logically-reasoning fury had appeared to be a threat. They would have to learn these lessons all over again.//

*** *** *** ***

//He wasn't sure when he realised he was lying on rocky ground, the surface beneath him rapidly cooling due to stones giving up their shallow heat to the air, as the onset of darkness approached. Pushing himself carefully upright, weak, trembling hands seeking leverage against seemingly frictionless ground, made more slippery than usual from the presence of uncustomary moisture… his blood? Shakily regaining his feet, he half-walked, half-fell down the path back home. His mother would be worried, it was near dark, and she did have cause to worry, Cloud grimly reflected. Pausing on his way back to try and clean up, at least get most of the blood off before returning, Cloud hesitated, then quietly entered through the back, hoping to make it up to his room without getting caught.

"You're back awfully late, dear," the anxious voice reached his ears, the reproach causing him to wince, no matter how sweetly delivered.

'No such luck, apparently.' Sighing in resignation, he half-turned towards the source.

"I almost thought you were… Oh." Her voice trailed off as she took in the state of his attire, collar yanked hastily up to cover the worst bruises, dark streaks across his clothes and the especially nasty-looking cut right across his forehead, deep red of congealing blood obvious against the fair skin and sweat-damp blond hair. "It was _them again, wasn't it?" Fiercely, protectively, barest hint of anger apparent in his mother's normally controlled tones, the instinctive maternal defence of her brood._

"I'll… I'm just going to wash up first," Cloud made the plausible excuse in as casual a manner as he could muster, then backed away hurriedly, hiding from the haunting, sad look in her eyes. 

Later, much later on in the evening, as they took their customary places around the fire, his mother on the rocking chair while he leaned into the reassuring warmth at his back, drawing comfort from the gentle stroking of his hair. "Oh, _Cloud," she murmured softly, musical voice on the verge of tears, and that was all it took for the dam to break._

He cried then, letting the salt-sweet liquid flow out from behind long-held barriers, the silent overflow of emotion spilling down. Crawling into her lap, Cloud buried his head into her shoulder, face hidden in hair the same gold shade as his, stifling already-muffled sobs, as the gentle tone which meant she was with him, she was _there, penetrated through his mind. Previously, he had pridefully bitten his lip during the fight, betrayed by the first instinctive flinching from the blows, remembering his resolution __not to show any sign of cowardice. So it was after that first cry of pain that he had clamped down tightly on his reaction, rest of the punishment accepted without protest, stoic endurance from his refusal to give them the pleasure of knowing he was hurt. But now, hurting inside, he gave in to the shameful weakness of allowing himself to be vulnerable, as arms wrapped around his back soothingly, mother's embrace, mother's love always the place of refuge for her son, __always, no matter how old he was or what had happened._

More softly now, tears falling not as a flood but rather, a slight leaking around his eyes, no longer with the same pent-up urgency, weary and drained after the relentless tide had washed the grief, frustration and hurt; feeling completely secure and protected in the tight hold; calming, relaxing. The lightest brush of hands against his shoulders, smoothening down the ruffled hair, following the curve of his spine, then reaching back to rub his forehead, a cool, careful touch that somehow managed to blunt the throb of wounded, tender spots, neutralize the sting of fresh scars, so it faded into a dull, pulsing but tolerable ache.

She couldn't do anything about the acidic words on an all-too sensitive subject, about the desperate yearning for acceptance, denied through no fault of his own. Try as she might, nothing would be able to fully deaden that particular pain, to shield him from it all even as she now physically cradled him protectively against herself. And so she grieved for him, drawing the blond head closer, gazing sorrowfully into the mirror of blue eyes which could have been exact copies of her own, save for the liquid, silvery traces lining azure.//

*** *** *** ***

_Every time they mentioned my parentage, I'd walk away, head bowed and cheeks burning with shame and curious pride. There could be no possible retort, nothing could be said to refute it or fight back, just turn and walk wordlessly away…_

_Drowning in endless hurt, in pain, sense of self submerged under a façade of uncaring for so long… …_

I'm losing myself.

*** *** *** ***

Authors notes: (continued)

1) Congratulations, we both successfully navigated through this very long and winding chapter. (I hope it didn't take as much out of you to read it as it took me to write it.) And, yep, same day, same place as the last 6 previous parts. I originally intended to have more ground covered in this part, (at least hopefully get through the morning)but realised that what I planned to include was at least the same length as this part, so the other half will have to be postponed. I hate leaving him in trauma… …

2) Ugh, I'm getting even more guilt here over torturing poor Cloud-kun. I'll make it up later in the next chapter, which should be happier (and hopefully better-written), I promise! (Philosophy: No where else to go but up. *mutters* Now, if only that applied to writing skills… ) There'll be another 2 month break in between, but the continuation should come in about end Nov/early Dec. Reno's going to provide a shoulder to lean on… *nice WAFFy implications dancing around in mind*

3) Subtle anti-Tifa-ness. Nothing to flame about, though. She's more of an airhead than a bitch. Or a slut. (Patience, those come later.) I'm not exactly making her absolutely horrible in this part, she's just a more "self-involved" person, like in the game, where she doesn't exactly notice Cloud around very much.

4) Bear in mind that he's still awfully young in the flashbacks, and that's the reason why he hasn't fought back thus far. It ties in with Chapt 3, which was why they were so surprised _then when he finally got pushed into a corner and retaliated. He's essentially still a child, as my beta-reader remarked, acting as one emotionally, although mentally, quite mature. (Besides, I don't think it's strange that someone can still confide in their mom and cry, no matter what age you're at. *Believe me, I __know. Remember what I said about "real-life" transferring?* So if it still happens at 16, I don't see anything wrong with when he's 12.)_

Ahem. Enough about this. Thanks are long-overdue, and I'm doing it now, since it's past the "birthday" of this fanfiction, and I'm nearing the anniversary for Cloud *dreamy sigh*, and I reached the target of over 100 reviews ~before~ the targeted chapter 10… ^^. Celebrations, both early and late are in order.

Special Recognition Awards: For all the wonderful people out there who bother to hunt me down^^

The Most Consistent reviewer: Dina-chan. *glomps* Thanks for sticking with me for these 1 ½ years. And for all the spork-poking, and pic-bribing that you had to do to nudge me to write.

The others who were in very strong contention for the award:  
Knowing Shadows - where's YOUR fic, girl? *grins, her turn to do author-poking*.  
Sky - I'm sorry about all the suspenseful background trailers/hints which haven't been explained fully. I'll (hopefully) get to it eventually (perhaps in the next year or so? *sheepish*)  
Su Yi - constructive feedback about everything, thanks! (…for advice on formatting, which I suck at.)  
Celestina & Neko chan - ... ...I also can't decide on Reno or Seph. ^^;; *decisions, decisions* (Cloud: "... ...")

Long-time friends from the Yahoo ML (Cloud x Sephiroth, everyone!): Lyn, Vireyda  
Fox - *snickers* Nice cosplay photos... *wonders if you'll agree more piccy demands*  
StormyStrife - I hope she remembers that we're still step/half Sisters-in-Strife. (Don't ask.)  
Quatre & Wufei - Owe you both one. (or does that add up to two?): where's Makobabys Anonymous?

The one who put the "fanatic" in fan: Sei-chan. I appreciate it, really... *still in shock over how she read the entire fic, then submitted individual reviews for all 8 chapters. In one ~day~* WOw o.O  
  
Arabwel : the one who finally got me to (re)start the writing process and get off my lazy ass. (feel free to kick me again if I relapse.)  
Tongari - who persisted in following up with this fic months of non-posting later. I really didn't realise the last update was 11 Nov 2001, honest!  
Canopus: Whom Kiyoshi claims I've corrupted... (heheheh) *innocent laughter*  
Blood of Sephiroth/Paws, Suicidal Kitten & Just Insane: don't threaten me, I'll be good and get to work! *jumps into action* (… … scary names o.O)

The regulars:

Fishbomb, Kujakku, ethereal, Sunnie, killaria, tir-synni, Inarae (who said she loved the "Cloud v.NS#1" aka the NemesisStrife version …I love people who agree with me^^), Saki : Fellow Cloud fans, who think he's the best & would rather see him portrayed like he IS: multi-dimensional, intelligent, more edgy...and more aggressive (I'll bet Seph & Reno agree^^)  
  
Tifa-haters who don't mind indulging in ~intelligent~ bashing^^ Rebel, wolfmaiden, Saheen  
For putting up and (surprisingly) enjoying indulgent, obssesive description, with pages of synonyms and adjectives but little else...Shi no Tenshi, Saheen, Ilana Sara, koashura

For boosting my ego with claims that this had made it to their top 5/top 10 list... *blush* :youkai, sarina fannel, Peorth, eears (…although I think you go overboard when you say it's the best)  
magma - *blinks* to be put on the same fic roll of honour as AHLR? *faints*

All those who just love Sephiroth paired with Cloud: The Seph supporters in no particular order -Caroltrue, Asuka, iczer6, Ash, T'suko, Kaworu Knight, Emerald Embers, Windangel  
And the "minority" who prefer Reno-sama involved: Kiti, DarkAngel  
(that's not bearing in mind some rather "indiscriminate" people (like me), in the form of: Dina, Celestina, Quatre & Wufei who see nothing wrong with threesomes… *coughs*)

Electra, KaizerFinalFantasy, mew_95, jetonna, Danyella_Kyler_Silverfire, Mikage-chan, Taylor Takahashi, shura, Mikata – people who want me to continue. *happy* In fact I have it on record that they allegedly want more. These are the people who scream "I love it!"

(…not forgetting those who I assume have been reduced to incoherence by the sheer overwhelming long-windedness of the chapters ^^;; - Musashi & SephirothsReflex)

Thanks all. Thank ~you~, for bothering to read to here. (And no, just because this little speech came out here doesn't mean the fic is winding up. There's still a long way to go!)

Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed.


	10. Flight:Anchor My Sanity

**F**orbidden** F**antasy:_ Soulmates_

**Fantasy's Flight**

By: NemesisStrife

Disclaimer: These Final Fantasy 7 characters are property of Squaresoft. This is an Alternate Universe epic saga pre-game fanfiction. As stated before, this is a Cloud and Sephiroth pairing, involving shounen-ai, and it is my take on what should have happened in the game. Respect my opinions.

NOTES: People, since the server now has a new format, please check for my story under "Sort By Update (Chaptered)".  I hope you know what to do, with all the "Sort by summary", "Sort by rating" stuff up...keep on reading, and _Review_ please. If you want the next chapter up _soon,_ well, Leave Feedback.

Pre-chapter background/author rant/prologue thingy:

**Rant:** FINALLY, I get home to a computer that isn't Mac/Apple rubbish, that gives me italics properly, has a functional, regular-sized keyboard, doesn't charge $1 for 2 minutes, has DECENT spellcheck in U.K. version English, and doesn't screw over my Brit-type spelling. And has privacy, with no snoopy owners making it a complete IMPOSSIBILILTY for me to write, and no parents who hover over me 5 times a minute and don't understand what it means to write, to write knowing that you're doing this for yourself, and for and audience, and deadlines are not outside-imposed, but are promises, bonds between you and your reader, held together by honour and duty and obligation. *is still angry over that*

This is going to be very flashback-y. I figured since I've nearly forgotten the beginning, let's all refresh our memories and I can retrospectively fill in all the gaping plotholes in front.

I'm not going to put the A.N in front, because I know you'll skip it. I can hear the voices going "For crying out loud, you made us wait over a year, and you still want to delay? Where's the bloody story, already?" So, without further ado, jump straight in. As I promised.

**Dedications:**

For Cloud Strife, because I love him. Will always love him.

For you, because you are here and you are reading this (still), and you forgave me for all my authorial lapses and procrastination.

" " Normal speech

' ' Thoughts

_italics_Emphasis

~ ~ Mental speech/ Telepathy

// // Flashback

( ) NEW!! Brackets indicate present thoughts inside flashback. Confused? Just read on.

**Chapter 10**

**Anchor My Sanity**

//It was after the recruits' arrival, post President ShinRa's "Welcome-to-SOLDIER" speech that half had slept through and half had been too awestruck by the sights and sounds of the city to pay attention to. And of course, the moment they'd all been waiting for, the sole reason why every last one of the impressionable young men – _boys_ – was there.

Sephiroth. _The_ General. Onstage and _there_ in full living, breathing glory, standing next to the President who had been dwarfed into insignificance besides the intimidating authority and lethal power barely kept in check by the veneer of civilization; epaulettes and badges of rank unnecessary ornamentation for one who needed no decoration. Power, strength and unimaginable _power,_ all held under tight control; sheathed like the Masamune at his side, but always within gloved-hand-grasp range, ready to be unleashed; waiting like a coiled viper biding its time to strike.

You couldn't go within viewing distance – _Mako_-enhanced vision, what's more – without feeling overawed, without feeling the uncanny glowing green eyes had noticed and predicted your every move, sizing you up and dismissing you as if you were of no import – 'Which you aren't, which _I'm_ not, no worth no value no one _nothing_…'

The closer you ventured, _if_ you were brave enough, the more you felt as if invisible lasers were measuring each step, ultraviolet scopes analyzing, scanning; weapons systems locked on as if the computer had focused on that particular recruit and labeled him 'TARGET', all in flashing green light. Not only the General, but the SOLDIERs as well, calmly measuring your potential; the Turks trained to scout for possible candidates for SOLDIER, everyone passing thousands of judgments on you each minute, sizing up the latest "batch" who wanted to become heroes too.

He felt as if he always fell short.

'If only you'd _tell_ me what you're looking for, what I'm supposed to do, so at least I know how to start trying to meet whatever criteria you have.' As such, each step he took was nervous, cautious, afraid of stepping out of line. '… …an invisible line drawn on black flooring in an unlit area at night. And I'm walking while _drunk_.' Tightrope walking, balancing on an unravelling piece of string over an endless abyss, even as the string looped back on itself and tied his insides into snarled tangles of anxiety, binding him with silk-steel wires at his throat.

'But it's worth it, it was all worth it, everything, just for this day, even if this is the only chance I'd ever get.' He'd seen Sephiroth, had even been within a few paces from the General himself, 

- don't even _think_ about touching distance. No one gets close to him.'

They always warned you about how encountering him made you lose your nerve, grown men known to back down in the face of that implacable authority. No one ever mentioned losing your appetite.

'Maybe it's just me,' Cloud thought, pushing chunks of something he'd rather not guess at gingerly around with his fork, watching as everyone else recovered their high spirits, morale amazingly boosted by the consumption of food, and escape from the presence of all those SOLDIERs. With the restoration of confidence, the usual boasting and one-upmanship had started again, claims circulating around the table of who would be the next Sephiroth. 

"I'm going to make it to the top ten of the exam rankings."

"Yeah? Well, _I'm_ going to graduate straight to First-Class!"

"Not if I get there first!"

And suddenly, he couldn't take it anymore, the mere thought of eating made him nauseous, so he pushed away his meal tray abruptly, brushing off the queries of fellow recruits with a plausible excuse and a smile. 'At least if I leave now I know I won't be followed. Erek's too busy stuffing his face.' Thankful for small mercies, he left, not noticing Reno's worried grey gaze lingering on him until Cloud exited the cafeteria. 

"I need to clear my head," he said aloud, grateful that no one was there to watch or comment or criticize. Picking a route that led to a spot near the training grounds, he settled in to stargaze and unwind in solitude. Or so he thought. 

In that relaxed frame of mind, lulled into a state of complacent security, he'd met that unknown SOLDIER (_who I know now wasn't _just_ any SOLDIER_) who had been teacher, mentor, and strangely enough, _friend_. (_I can't believe I was so _clueless. _You've read everything about the man, watched all the broadcasts, and when he's _two feet away,_ completely_ fail_ to recognise him. Way to go, Cloud._) It was to be the first of a series of regular nightly meetings, in which the older man offered advice, encouragement, but never his name. (_Sneaky.__ I can't believe you did that, Sephiroth._)

"Hello, Cloud."

"Good evening – " He deliberately paused, waiting for the other to fill in his name, but the other sidestepped the unspoken query. 'Didn't expect that to work, anyway.' He felt the answering grin, not having to open his eyes to see the "I-know-you-know-that-the-tactic-just-failed" expression, as if an experienced SOLDIER could have been caught by such an obvious trick. He was clearly outmatched in this verbal duel as much as if it had been with blades in hand, clumsy and novice swordthrust effortlessly parried, but it would be just as easy for the older man to disarm or _kill. (__Then why did you bother to continue this charade with me, Seph? Because that's all it could have been to you, just a game. So why did you play along?)_

"Third time this week we've met. Is this habit-forming?"

"You don't enjoy my company?" Mock-hurt tone, as if he'd been wounded to the core.

"Nah, it's a change from my own thoughts," he smiled, leaning back against the tree, blond spikes flattened against the bark.

"So what are you thinking?"

"…just some stuff, I guess." He toyed with a blade of grass, tearing it into small strips methodically, shredding it in clear violation of nature-conservation principles.

"Tell me." The barest hint of a touch on his shoulder, almost too light for Cloud to feel the difference in pressure through the layer of clothing, reinforced the unconscious command which compelled him to reply.

"I'm just wondering if anyone else sees through all this, if they aren't so caught up by their dream of making it to SOLDIER to realise what's going on."

"So what _is going on?"_

"You know, most of them won't make it through to the SOLDIER selection, probably only fifty, or at most a hundred, out of those thousands of boys, will manage to last out the next _month." Cloud abandoned that blade of grass, started on a new, untouched one. "…have you ever thought about why ShinRa recruits first, _then_ holds the SOLDIER entrance exams? It's got nothing to do with administrative details, nothing to do with drawing up timetables and working out scheduling. Their aim is to draw candidates, not for SOLDIER, for the regular army. ShinRa doesn't need very many SOLDIERs, all they need are grunts, regular troopers to send in during the battles, the wars. All they need to do is pretend, play the Pied Piper until they get us into Midgar, with nowhere else to go…"_

The blond's hands fisted, nails digging into palms before unclenching, scattering grass shreds and debris. "…they sell all the kids on the hope of being a war-hero, then shunt them aside to be … … cannon fodder. And everyone else is too blinded by the prospect of becoming the next Sephiroth to see through it. Except me, I guess. (_such_ a little thing to proud of, but at least something he could hold on to, cling on with the desperate grasp of drowning men. One thing to be mine to set me apart to feel special to feel like an individual to feel…_)_

That's why they have all the publicity, and news broadcasts and honour ceremonies, - besides boosting the President's ego of course." Cloud smiled, half-bitterly, remembering, "hype up Sephiroth's profile, and in 'the ambush of _his_ name strike home'." (Shakespeare. _He's always been rather prolific in providing appropriate quotes._)

There was an unnerving silence, too drawn–out to be a normal lull in conversation, and the blond had the disorientating impression that he'd been talking to _himself all this while._

"Hey, you alright?"

"… …I'll be fine" (_He said 'be fine' not 'am fine'… We'll all be fine in the end. Fine, or dead.)_

"You sure?" Cloud craned his head to look at the quiet SOLDIER, trying to see – if anything _could be _seen_ with the hood over his face._

"You've given me much to think about." (_Why should it have been a shock for you, Sephiroth, to realise how you've been exploited by ShinRa. Didn't you know this all before? I guess then in some weird way that the promises were true, that we _are_ the same, really, General or SOLDIER or trooper… We're all _used _by ShinRa, all screwed over and fucked up until they get tired of their little bitches)_

The older man stood, hand resting against the reassuring solidity of the tree, - (_when all you've ever believed in was a lie, when everything you based yourself on falls apart) – fingers tightening imperceptibly around it so his knuckles whitened._

(_when__ all your dreams turn to dust and you wake up to the nightmare which is reality…)_

"So… so why are you still here?" (_who__ do you turn to? When your world falls apart, where can you run?) The voice would have sounded shaken (__except it was Sephiroth, it was the General and he isn't allowed to…) The unspoken, unspeakable question – 'if you know they're screwing with you why do you __still let them?'_

(what else is there to do?)

"The same reason as all the rest. Because of Sephiroth." Cloud looked up at the retreating back of his unknown friend, sapphire eyes glittering from reflected moonlight. "… this is the sort of subversive comments that I probably shouldn't have made. Hey, don't go report me to the General or anything, alright?" It was meant to be a jest – so why did the other falter, steps halted mid-turn?

"Don't worry. I won't." (_Now I know why you wanted to hide, why you sought me out. If everyone looks at you like that, in fear and awe and treats you _as if_ you aren't human… __How could you deal with it?)_

Cloud could never have seen the ironic half-smile that briefly crossed pale lips. (_All it was was a chance to be anonymous, to be normal and ordinary and accepted. That's why you bothered with this game, human beings are always desperate to delude themselves until the pretence becomes the reality…)//_

'It wasn't just referring to Sephiroth.' The admission followed fresh on the heels of the memory relived. 'If I know what ShinRa intends for those gullible recruits, yet walk voluntarily into the same trap _knowing_ it's a trap…' Cloud curled up on his bunk, trying to feign the regular breathing that comes with sleep. 'Does that make me more or less blind than all the rest?' The taste of blood in his mouth came as a surprise, and he traced it back to his lower lip, unable to recall when exactly he had bitten it. The exhaustion, both physical and emotional weariness, drew him closer to the edge of unconsciousness.

Sleep beckoned.

_Drowning in darkness… submerged in pain… hold fast to an anchor, before I'm swept away._

*** *** *** ***

Reno sighed as he gazed over at Cloud's bunk. The pillow was thrown carelessly in one corner, sheets and blanket tangled in a messy, snarled heap on the bed, traces of fitful sleep remaining in evidence, but no sign of its blond occupant. He swore perfunctorily, breath hissing out between teeth in a gesture meant more for the venting of frustration and self-anger than for the benefit of his non-existent audience. He considered punching the wall, but memories of his most recent outburst of temper, as well as of the throbbing pain in his knuckles which lingered for weeks, were sufficiently fresh to dissuade him from attempting such again. 

At least not when the SOLDIER entrance exams were this week.

He'd given as good as he got though, the wall had required plaster and a fresh coat of paint to patch up the indentation, although he'd nursed an unreasonable grievance against it for weeks because it recovered much faster than his hand.

'I bet it's still gloating about that,' he thought sourly, as the remembered soreness overrode the logic that the wall was _inanimate_. So he pummelled the soft pillow instead.

A few minutes later, feeling less irritated and annoyed, but no more mature, Reno stopped, panting slightly from exertion, face flushed due to the exercise and also in part due to the growing sheepishness from the realisation that he _really was behaving quite childishly. Grey eyes flickered nervously, guiltily, to the other side of the room, half-afraid that Cloud had witnessed this irrational outburst, but remembering his roommate's absence had precipitated the attack on the unoffending pillow…_

He had to quash the urge to hit it again.

'Be honest, you're angry at _yourself.' The redhead bit his lip pensively, - '_and since when did I acquire a conscience?_' – an unconscious admission of the truth of that statement. 'I've absolutely no idea why he ran off like that.'_

_Fine, so he did have his suspicions on that score, one of which being the fact that he had been "hanging out" with the infamous Nibelheim gang, party to their crude jokes and provocative, mocking taunts, even if not an actual participant._

'It must have looked like clear _betrayal.' The inner voice was back again, in full strident volume, despite his best attempts to suppress it. 'But I wasn't, not _really_. And he ran off before I could explain anything.' Fresh twinge of guilt hit him right between the eyes, sharp and altogether too clear for his peace of mind, the recollection of that _wounded-vulnerable_ look in sapphire eyes, the way pale hands had jerked as he dropped the cup and fled, splash of water as it hit the floor drowned out by the ensuing mocking laughter. The redhead had bent to retrieve the fallen cup, mouth automatically making a hasty excuse for his feet, which were following the direction his eyes had taken, locked on the swiftly retreating figure of his friend. It was still there on the dresser table, the now-slightly-crumpled paper cup lying there, - 'staring at me reproachfully', Reno thought in a brief flash of paranoia._

'Listen to me, next thing I'll start suspecting the fan's plotting to kill me by dropping whilst spinning, guillotine-execution style.' Shamefaced at his overactive imagination and wild leaps of fancy from lack of sleep due to said-imagination, embarrassment colouring his face to a shade more appropriate to his hair, Reno self-consciously ran his fingers through his ponytail. After giving the fan a long, hard look, of course.

The white cup drew his eyes again, and Reno found himself thinking of Cloud drinking from it, the way his mouth closed around the edge, lips parting to reveal a flash of white teeth; and flushed again for entirely different reasons. Water still remained in small droplets inside, and he uneasily wondered whether the same moisture had gathered at the corners of aquamarine eyes, if the too-brightness was simply a reflection of ShinRa's harsh fluorescent lights, as he had assumed. When he'd come in last night, after hesitantly knocking on the door, the blond had been breathing in the regular rhythm of sleep, perhaps _too_ regular, but Reno had given no outward indication if he had guessed that it was not the case.

'I should have just had it out with him then, instead of waiting till the morning.' And when he was _ready_ to talk to the blond, Cloud proved maddeningly, frustratingly elusive. Their friendship was still in the awkward early stage, where each move was tentative, both engaged in an elaborate, carefully choreographed dance, alternately moving towards in experimental phases of closeness then disengaging in a retreat back to the security of privacy. And he'd been taking the lead more and more often, trying to draw the introverted blond out of his shell; venturing into, blatantly _invading personal space as far as he dared, or as far as he could go before Cloud's walls slammed up again, door shut, locked, _barricaded_. So far, he'd been lucky._

'Don't push, don't _push. At least not too far.' Feeling slightly more cheerful than when he'd first woken up, Reno leaned over to rescue the much-abused pillow from its precarious dangling-over-the-edge position on his bed, giving it a half-apologetic pat that only added to its rumpled state._

A flash of white, reflecting the glare from the harsh room light, caught his eye from atop his dresser table, for its sheer incongruity. Yellowed paper, scraps of letters, dog-eared notes and dust-layered odds-and-ends vying with favourite faded clothes for space; was the customary "décor" of his table, his entire _side of the room; but pristine white? 'Looks more like something belonging to Cloud.' Hands snagged onto that smooth, clean sheet, felt the crisp texture of fresh paper and it was only __after his mind stopped appreciating the aesthetics of it and finally made the connection that those artistic black patterns on it were supposed to be _words_ that grey eyes started focussing on what it _said_._

_Reno___

_      I went to check the exam schedules this morning, this one's yours._

_     Don't forget to turn up on time._

_    Later._

_                                                           ~Cloud_

The corners of grey eyes crinkled in amusement as he considered the peace offering? silent apology? Aside from the terse, official missive given _en masse by Heidgger's secretary, a significantly lengthier attachment containing the schedule and detailed instructions on the trials was there, faithfully copied in a neat, clear hand. It was not valuable so much for what it _said_ (though the information was helpful, he'd forget everything otherwise), but for that fact that it meant Cloud was not _mad-hurt-angry­_ or whatever it was any longer. And that the blond was still not comfortable enough around him to come out and _say_ it._

'Still, it's the typically _sweet gesture he'd make.' Hiding the grin tugging at the curve of his mouth, threatening to overwhelm him with laughter, as he reflected on "normal" Strife-behaviour, "…and he'd _kill_ me if I ever said that aloud. Heh." It was some sort of trademark, the unexpected, surprising acts of thoughtfulness and that quiet, shy, but absolutely __devastating charm that Reno had subconsciously noticed right from the start, with which those wide azure eyes had wormed their way into his heart, irrevocably sealing Cloud's place there. If the redhead had thought about it, to find a sizable section of his heart reserved carefully with "Property of C. Strife" emblazoned on it would be... disturbing, and instantly denied, forgotten, or both._

But some things do not need to be known to be true.

*** *** *** ***

//'The sort of people they let into SOLDIER, nowadays.' That contemptuous thought was foremost on Reno's mind, as he remained apart from the horde of recent inductees to the "hero-wannabe" club. It was amazing, the number of self-delusionary _boys who existed out there, on the Planet. All of whom seemed to have gathered in Midgar today. The level of excited babbling, the amount of wide-eyed gaping and gawking, wildly pointing fingers and what could uncharitably be termed as __squealing; it seemed as if they had never seen a city before. Which, Reno snidely, might just be the case. He'd never heard such a conglomeration of mismatched accents, the peculiar intonations and variations of speech betrayed their out-of-town origins._

'Well, if their absolutely _country-hick appearance didn't give them away first.' There did seem to be a lack of foresight, of __thought, on the other new recruits' parts, most of them just jumping blindly onto the ShinRa bandwagon and letting themselves be carried straight into Midgar, with several still experiencing the after-effects of sea-sickness. 'Not many will last out the year in Midgar, to say nothing of a Wutai battlefield. And I'm not even talking about the under-Plate slums.'_

Sharp, calculating grey eyes narrowed in thought, as he brushed back unruly strands of hair that had escaped the ponytail. Oh yes, he was in his element now; experienced, streetwise urbanite on his home turf, superciliously looking down on the still-wet-behind-the-ears newbies milling around the SOLDIER-in-charge; with all the cocksure arrogance of his seventeen years of age.

Which is why, due to the retributive twist of cosmic irony, Reno found himself frantically searching through the street, _sans_ wallet, gil, and his confirmation ticket, but gaining a decidedly horrible mood in exchange after futile attempts to convince the recruiting officer to let him through without his identification card. The official had been "kind" enough to give him another half-hour to search, though, and he was engaged in doing just that at the moment. Knowing he looked absolutely ridiculous going up and down whilst retracing his steps, and resenting that fact most bitterly, his hold on his already-fraying temper snapped when this blond kid came up and stared at him.

"Fuck, do I have spectators now?" Not the most polite greeting, but anyone would snap in his shoes.

"Are you  'Kielson, Reno' ?" The voice was oddly formal, a high tenor, but the accent curiously unplaceable. Startlingly blue eyes focussed on him, the gaze direct and almost unnerving in its intensity.

"At least you didn't mangle the pronunciation half as much as the SOLDIER commanding officer back there."

Ignoring his rudeness, those – _they weren't blue, he decided, __"blue" didn't even begin__ to describe what they were – eyes glanced down, then back at his face, giving him the uneasy impression he was being scrutinized and sized up._

"Then this must be yours." The familiar texture of leather was pressed into his hand, the sudden appearance all the more unreal because of its solidity.

'How did you know it was mine?' he wanted to ask, but simply could not force his open mouth to comply with his mind's demands, fingers distracted by inspecting the lost-_now-returned wallet's contents. _

"It's all here… How?" he demanded, voice back in working order, but still not enough under his control for him to phrase the question properly. His benefactor appeared not to take offence, and the disturbing, unsettling eyes looked over him again.

"I don't believe anyone else _could have that hair." Reno was subject to another one of _those_ looks, __hidden-laughter-bright eyes sparkling as they deliberately fixed upon the feature in question. Unsure whether he'd been insulted or complimented or possibly, both at once, he matched the stare with one of his own._

_Shorter, lithe; gold-blond hair in unruly, careless spikes, lips that threatened every moment to quirk upwards in a full smile, and the official recruit uniform… That brought him up sharply; the educated manner of speech, the strangely untouched honesty – __innocence -, and the desire to become a SOLDIER? 'Interesting.'_

"So how'd you manage to find it?" He watched for a reaction, still doubting, unable to shake the instinctive mistrust of a stranger's motives that was inculcated in all Midgar residents within two years.

"I retrieved it from someone else who "_found_" it." The emphasis on the second last word was significant, and the slight inflection on the word spoke volumes.

"You stole it from the guy who stole it." Battling emotions, mixture of _exasperation-surprise-admiration­ and overwhelmingly, the urge to laugh._

"I prefer the term 'restitution of an illegally-obtained object to its rightful owner'," the blond countered, but made no attempt to deny it. At Reno's eloquent snort, he continued. "Besides, you have it back, so it doesn't _really count as stealing."_

"Since now I know who I have to thank, who is it I should blame?" He'd meant it as a joke, quite willing now to forget the whole matter now that his possessions had been returned, but the blond took it seriously.

"Over there. The guy whose Nibelheim accent butchers the English language more than the rest of us." His shoulders had tensed, and the suppressed… _something_ in his voice were details Reno filed away, under the guise of his casual nonchalance.

'So. Nibelheim. But you don't speak with the mountain-region accent. And there's obviously enmity between you two.' It was a conundrum, that. From his experience, Nibelheim town residents seemed to stick quite closely together, even to the extent that SOLDIER allowed them to stay in an exclusive dormitory rather than risk upsetting them by breaking the group up.

"What if he finds out about your role in this?"

"He couldn't find his backside with both hands." Caustic, acerbic retort, but layered under the sarcasm was an all-too-real wariness, the resigned bitterness so acute the redhead practically _taste_ it. "But it doesn't matter what happens. It was the right thing to do."

And Reno had nothing to say to that, no way of arguing or countering, not when he had been struck nearly dumb. The _belief_ underlying it, despite the hesitation lent by uncertainty in the voice, … for one, impossible moment the redhead could find himself tempted to have faith in humanity, _wanting to believe in absolutes of morality, where there were principles that could not be altered, broken; ideals that would not be betrayed whatever the cost, where there was __something that would not be just sold off to the highest bidder…_

"I'll hate to be around when you find out different." Cynical, jaded, worldly-wise – _and how he was sick of it, sick of the pretending, backstabbing and politicking that were the only rules Midgar lived by…_

The younger boy just gazed back with those confusing _young-old_ eyes, until he forced himself to break the gaze and continue walking.

They were approaching the end of the road now, almost at the train station where the SOLDIERs were herding recruits into carriages like recalcitrant sheep, ready to make the final step of commitment to ShinRa, from which there was no turning back. There really was _no real need for Reno to stay at the blond's side, no reason for him to continue their conversation, it was just out of simple politeness that he remained; surely there was a rule of etiquette that stated "Be nice to the person who returned your wallet"; and it had _nothing_ to do with the vague alarm he felt at the prospect of never seeing those – __oh god if he hung around the blond any longer he'd have to check the dictionary to find a word that did justice to that colour – _fascinating_ eyes and their equally fascinating owner again._

"All on board!" The stationmaster's call jarred, and all around, recruits were scrambling into carriages, obediently following the unspoken grouping based on hometown. The tension in the other's shoulders was almost unnoticeable, but the too-straight set of the bones and rigid set of his jaw went beyond military discipline.

"Hey," Reno said softly, as quietly and non-threateningly as possible, hand reaching out to skim across the blond's back, before curving around his upper arm. The shorter recruit turned to face him, some of the stiffness leaving him, the hardness which did not belong in _sky-ocean-depthless_ flickering blue eyes fading somewhat. In that moment, Reno made up his mind, and characteristically, acted as soon as, if not _before, he thought. _

"Come with me." Snagging the other boy's wrist, without pausing for a reply, he pulled the unprotesting blond into the adjacent carriage, neatly avoiding the rest of the Nibelheim bunch. Darting a quick glance at him, Reno observed with satisfaction that pale lips had dropped open in a small "o" of pleased surprise. Some part of his mind wondered what it would be like if those lips curved in happiness, and with a confidence that was completely unfounded, accompanied by a secondary distant, but acute tinge of curiosity-_longing, he __knew it would be a beautiful smile. While he shifted in his seat in the crowded train, one arm automatically going around the blond to steady him, noting the way it fit, close and smooth and natural, no resistance, no hesitation, no awkwardness, _perfect_; that portion of his mind detachedly contemplated ways of coaxing out that beautiful – _he was sure of it­ –_ smile._

"Call me Reno," he said, suddenly, causing the other to twist in surprise, as he tried to put it in context. "What's yours?"

Now it was his turn to be tense, taut-_coil­_ of anticipation inside him, trying to be casual but unable to cover the urgency that shaded his voice, the sense that this was important, that it was absolutely _necessary for him to know._

"I'm Cloud. Cloud Strife." And yes, so strangely appropriate, like sunlight-_dawn-breaking­; there is was, __finally there, so much more than he had imagined, warm and unforced and so _heartbreakingly…__

"Damn," Reno whispered reverentially, prayerfully, not profane, turning his head aside.

No one warned him he would spend the rest of his life just living for that smile.

*** *** *** ***

It took five complete heartbeats for him to slide his fingers down the length, three-and-a-half for the breadth. Not that the paper was particularly large, but his pulse was racing, so as he pinched the edge lightly between thumb and forefinger, running them along the no longer sharp corners of the document, aware of the pounding of his heart as it echoed, blood rush too loud in the oppressive stillness of the room. 

_One-two-three-four-and-five_. 

Pause. 

Navigate the corner through touch alone, feeling for the turn while turquoise blue stared sightlessly at the white rectangle in front of him. He'd given up trying to time using his breathing, it was far too irregular for that, coming in short, rapid pants, rhythmless _inhale-exhale_ frenetic gasps too short for the oxygen to diffuse into his bloodstream, he figured.

The way his head felt, light, dizzy, it seemed he had taken in quite enough air already; breathing more for formality's sake and out of that awful suspicion that if he stopped he would not remember how to start again.

//"If you knew it would be like this…"//

//"You have your University scholarship! You could have gone to Cosmo Canyon, or even just enter Midgar without joining SOLDIER! Why did you throw all that away to go with the ShinRa?"// Guilt always accompanied those images, the tears in those eyes which were so similar to his own, blond hair escaping her bun in her distress.

//"…just a ShinRa ploy…"//

//"…so why are you still _here?_"// 'Because of my dream, my impossible, _impossible_ dream… because even though I know I'm not likely to qualify, that it's all but impossible, _unimaginable_… I have to try. There is _no_ other alternative, I have no other option, no choice but to be _here_, to struggle, to try, inevitably, to _fail;_ just because…'

//"…of Sephiroth."// 'Ironic, considering who you were, when at that time I had no idea… But you didn't mock me, you never laughed, never put down my ambitions, scorned my ideas, didn't shatter my dreams, when it'd have been so easy for you to reveal yourself, crush all those futile, ephemeral hopes…'

//"Don't worry. I won't."// 'You… encouraged me. Said I had potential, that if sheer _will could determine anything, I'd get what I tried for; even though you must have been secretly laughing at my ignorance – _obliviousness_ of whom I was talking about, talking _to…_'_

_Thank you. For everything._

He realised how his hands were shaking, looked at them dispassionately, as if through the eyes of a stranger, noted dully how pale they looked, stretching out his right; extended and examined it, white and long, tapered fingers, with their smooth half-shell of cream-pink, trembling beyond control. He really needed to cut his nails, he decided, looking at them. At them and at anything other than the paper. He forced himself to still, to _stop shaking, motions exaggeratedly careful and over-restrained. His hands closed firmly around the white, insubstantial slip of paper which held the key to his future._

'As such exists.'

_C. Strife. 0930 hours at Hall L2-15A. Report to 2nd Lt. Mason._

'So. It begins.'

*** *** *** ***

Authors notes:

1)I'm still not satisfied with the way this is going. I mean, I can get odd bits of smoothness, where writing is a joy and it flows and everything just snaps into place and character-author lines merge so I can _tell_ what he's/they're feeling and it just _goes_.

Then the other times where it's struggle and fight and uphill all the way. Rusty skills. Haven't picked up a pen in a year, to write, _properly write, not essays or assignments or equations. But at least I think it's getting there, getting somewhat there, and as long as we all hang on for the ride… Not going to be smooth-going. _

I hope I haven't raised anyone's expectations, only to let them all fall when you read this. I'm hoping no one goes: "This is it? I was waiting for _this?"_

*prayerfully* I don't want to disappoint. Didn't mean to.

2) Reno. Reno. I hope no one else has redhead overdose. He's even making me change parts of my writing style to suit his character, it's kinda humorous-deadpan-sarcastic whenever he gets a scene of his own. (Whereas Cloud's bits are loosely metaphorical, very literary and, I've been told, starkly lyrical.) I *swear* he's got a mind of his own. And he's got that mind set on Cloud, right now. ^^;;

This is just what I need, another self-willed muse/character/personality.

Who wants to have madsex. This is not good.

3) Christmas is coming. Which means I should probably drag out another chapter of that Xmas thingy. Will just go and meditate somewhere until inspiration (or lightning) strikes. Too many plotbunnies, too little time.

4) Forgive my Rant upfront. I'm just *sick* of having my mom tell me: "Why are you wasting your money? I thought you were doing homework, but it's just some (quote) stupid story (unquote) for (quote) weird people you don't know (unquote)." I think I'll go scream on my LJ some more. *fuming*

5) I think I need to rewrite the other chapters. Maybe. I'll see where it goes and when I have more time (or _make_ more time), take it down in a leisurely fashion and try to sound a little less immature for the (especially) the first few chapters. *cringes*

6)Quotes. The Shakespeare one is from "Measure for Measure", lovely piece with subtexts of quote "repressed sexuality, sado-masochism and erotic self-flagellation". Good stuff. It's all about control, sex is control, power is control, wealth is control, reputation is _control. *thumbs up*_

And the last line was ripped off FFX.

Self-pimping #1: I have a blog! www.livejournal.com/~nemesisstrife Just started within the last month, but I think it's going to be a ficblog/place for drabbles and rambling. I think for convenience sake I'm going to stick all the fic-related bits under "Memories". Go there! Friend me! ^__^

Dina, especially for you, go see what I did to Zack's wet noodle! (innuendo innuendo) *cackles* Or what Cloud did, rather. *ear-to-ear grin* I think you'll like it. 

Self-pimping #2: Part of the reasons why I delayed so long on this:

1) I'm indulging in a brief Pirates of the Caribbean flirtation right now. *sheepish* Wrote a drabble for Commodore Norrington/Jack Sparrow. *loves military men, naval, army, or otherwise* *purr*

2) The more important/relevant reason – 27th Dec, 2003, otherwise known as next Saturday, I cosplay KH Cloud. *wicked smirk* I have a yaoi partner(s). Will corrupt/seduce/utterly ruin my hapless Sephiroth (and Leon) into full-blown Y-A-O-I. Looking now at all the nice fanart and the lovely poses I could pull off. Anyone wants to suggest something? *winks* (*sings to theme song of Moulin Rogue* _Now come on and share all your deep fantasies…_) I'll put up photos if anyone wants to see. *smirking*

Thanks all. Thank ~you~, for bothering to read to here.

Read and Review, please. This is my first fic, so be kind! Comments and criticism welcomed.


	11. URGENT NOTE

**Urgent notice.**

In case anyone's still reading – I apologise, really.

This is an update as to the lack of updates (am I being circuitous this morning) – and to cut a long story short:  
I can't do this anymore.

As to what that means –  
whether it's that I can't continue FF:Soulmates, or if I can't add more chapters without doing a complete rewrite first, or if I can't write Seph/Cloud any longer-  
or if I can't **write**, period -  
I don't know.

Sorry. It's been a bad week (and month, and year).

All I know is that I can't continue this fic, because the first few chapters creep me out muchly, and I can't write like that any longer.

This fic will continue to be up for maybe the next week or so, and then I'll have decided by then (hopefully) either to replace it with a massively-overhauled version, or to just remove it entirely and write it off as the product of a misspent (and nearly illiterate) youth.

Have six months free time coming up. Maybe I'll get something done.  
3  
NemesisStrife

If you wanna talk about stuff, drop me a note, I'll be glad to hear from you.

(AOL: NemesisStryfe)


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